"I think I may be beginning to disappear..."

What? Julie, no. You will never disappear. You are a goddess, an icon, an Oscar winner (unless they find a way to go back and retroactively give your Oscar to an inconsequential pretty young thing slathering on fifteen pounds of latex to vaguely resemble a celebrity), and you are the eptiome of class and craft.

I really do think I'm too depressed and enraged by Marion Cotillard's Best Actress win to do an Academy Awards fashion recap. Truly- Worst. Oscar. Ever. I've been accused of hyperbole for saying this, so I'd love to explain why...

(ahem)

I'm not a performer, but if I were, I would find it wildly insulting that Hollywood seems to have such a poverty of imagination as to think that mimicking an existing person is the height of creativity. It's paint-by-numbers frivolity, whether it's Marion Cotillard doing it or Philip Seymour Hoffman or Reese Witherspoon or Cate Blanchett. Did she sound like Edith Piaf? Sure. Did she look like Edith Piaf. Sure, thanks to pounds of paint and tape. (And I WILL debate whether turning someone into Edith Piaf is more artistically significant or nuanced than turning Eddie Murphy into an obese lady.) But does screaming and fainting and lip-synching really represent the height of screen acting? FUCK no. And it certainly doesn't deserve the first Oscar ever awarded to a French language performance. I'm confident, in fact, that somewhere Catherine Deneuve is rolling over in the grave of good taste.

In ten years, at the 90th Academy Awards, there going to be doing one of those montages they're so fond of, reflecting on Best Actresses past, and Marion Cotillard will flash up there, and everyone will look at each other and say, "What? We have her one for that? Oooff. My B."

There. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I might as well say that Leigh and I endorse Amy Adams and Helen Mirren for best dressed. (Sorry, I can't help myself!! I'm a slave to gowns!!)

Check it:



I mean, can we just agree that what we see here is existing and soon-to-be Hollywood royalty? I look at Helen Mirren, and I hear "Nobody Does It Better." I look at Amy Adams, and... Well, I just generally go a little ga-ga. I must have a think for redheads in green.

Also, Kristin Chenoweth is disgusting. Sorry, had to throw that in there.

OK. Time to go buy Dolly's new album on iTunes!

XOXO, Kevin!

PS- Now, I wish her nothing but the worst in life, but I will say this for Marion Cotillard's dress: I hated it. Now, there's a compliment in here somewhere, so bear with me. I thought her dress was ugly and ill-considered, but in a year with some of the boring-est red carpet fashions I've ever seen (even Tilda wore black!!), at least she stood out. It wasn't black or red, so bully for her. And her hair looked nice... Bitch.

See how I do...

BEST PICTURE- "No Country for Old Men"
BEST DIRECTOR(s)- Joel & Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men"
BEST ACTOR- Daniel Day-Lewis, "There Will Be Blood"
BEST ACTRESS- Julie Christie, "Away From Her" (Note: She'd fucking better...)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR- Javier Bardem, "No Country for Old Men"
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS- Ruby Dee, "American Gangster"
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY- Diablo Cody, "Juno"
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY- Joel & Ethan Coen, "No Country for Old Men"
BEST ANIMATED FILM- "Ratatouille"
BEST DOCUMENTARY FILM- "No End In Sight"

OK, I'm dropping the "best"...
CINEMATOGRAPHY- "No Country for Old Men"
EDITING- "The Bourne Ultimatum"
COSTUME DESIGN- "Atonement"
ART DIRECTION- "There Will Be Blood"
SCORE- "Atonement"
SONG- "Falling Slowly" from "Once"
SOUND MIXING- "The Bourne Ultimatum"
SOUND EDITING- "The Bourne Ultimatum"
VISUAL EFFECTS- "Transformers"
MAKE-UP- "La Vie en Rose"

LIVE-ACTION SHORT- "Mozart of the Pickpockets"
ANIMATED SHORT- "Peter and the Wolf"
DOCUMENTARY SHORT- "Freeheld"

Whew.

Scattered thoughts...

Hey, all! So yeah. Leigh has it right. This is a busy, harrowing time of year, and our blog responsibilities got away from us. (I just sat here trying to think of a word mash-up for "blog" and "responsibility"... "responsiblogity" is just too affected...) Apologies all around.

As Leigh also noted, the Oscars are this Sunday, and I'm really wicked-super-killer excited. It's my favorite day of the year, after all. (Sidebar: We think Julie Christie's gonna win, right? That Edith Piaf cooze is making me nervous.) I'll be saluting the neo-Western in some sweet Brad Pitt garb. Fun times!

This is awesome:


Ugh. It's 10:19pm right now, which means I'm tired, and my brain is muddy with random thoughts. I should probably be, you know, cleaning my room, or donating money or time to a worthy cause, but all I want to do is focus on the new "Dancing with the Stars" contestants, if I'm being honest. One presumes you've all seen them by now, but if you haven't...

Adam CAROLLA- Former "Man Show" co-host and total douche.

Christian DE LA FUENTE- Random handsome Hispanic man, and likely good dancer.

Shannon ELIZABETH- That old lady from "American Pie." No, not Jennifer Coolidge. The ugly one.

Steve GUTTENBERG- God among men!!!

MARIO- I have no fucking clue. Some R&B guy, I guess? Whatever.

Marlee MATLIN- Deaf Oscar winner!

Penn JILLETTE- Father of Moxie Crimefighter Jillette.

Priscilla PRESLEY- Scary old icon.

Monica SELES- I had to look her up, but she's this famous tennis player, and there are two amazing facts about her: (1) She was once stabbed on the court by a crazed fan (!!), and (2) She had to battle the tennis powers that be to earn the right to grunt during a match. I mean... Wow.

Jason TAYLOR- I think he plays football. I know he's handsome.

Marissa Jaret WINOKUR- Fat lady. ("Why are you being so mean to Marissa Jaret Winokur?! She was so good in 'Fever Pitch!'- Roommate)

Kristi YAMAGUCHI- Skater, best known to me as having once been Mulan for a Disney on Ice special.

So yeah. That's that. One would presume that Kristi Yamaguchi has the advantage, right? I bet she can dance. I mean, she was a truly awesome Mulan. But I bet this heretofore-unknown Monica Seles character could do-it-to-it, right? I mean, if she had to battle to win the right to grunt on the tennis court, I bet she'll be viiiiiiiicious on the dancefloor. And this bitch got STABBED! That's nuts! She's a fucking pirate!

If I can be totally offensive for a moment (Uh oh...), are they shitting me with Marlee Matlin? I mean, Heather Mills was one thing, but MARLEE MATLIN CAN'T HEAR THE MUSIC. That just seems... Mean, I guess? And yes, I know "She's built her career on defying expectations," but so has Stephen Hawking, but that doesn't mean that I want to see his paso doble.

That's all for now.

Team Guttenberg,
KEVIN.

Oopsidaisies

I'd say about twice a year; this blog falls horribly to the wayside. It appears the first slip-up of '08 has commenced. J'apologize. But you know they'll be more on the way...because the most important night of the year in this blogosphere is just around the riverbend! That's right- Sunday is Oscar night, which means I have a costume title to defend and Kevin and I have some serious fashion blogging material again. Finally! Between that and the Project Runway Finale, I'd expect to hearing a lot from us in the near future. (Unless Rami wins, and then we'll be too angry to blog. Stop draping already you beast!)
Patience, dear hearts.
This blog will be fierce again in no time.

Civic Duty.

GET UP
AND
VOTE.

I'm not telling anyone who to vote for. (Not that I wouldn't I mean- hello- a blog is a soapbox if ever there was one.) While the management here at Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog may disagree on which candidate to support; we do agree that you should all be at the polls. Besides, there might not be a blog to read if we have to stomach another four years of a republican-controlled White House. Kevin and I will be too heavily medicated to type.
Let's get the ball rolling people.