"I'm just a girl standing in front of a trailer park, asking it to love me."

So what, we're having a blizzard? OY. Fun. Poor Leigh Somerville flies into NY, gives the 2005 Oscar telecast a touch of class, and then may be stranded here, buried in 6-10 inches of hell? That's SO not cool. But I'm glad she did come. As you'll see below, we had a full Sunday.

So the Oscars have come and gone again. The day after Oscar Day always leaves me feeling empty and spoiled. This year is even moreso, based on my abject disappreciation for Million Dollar Baby, winner of 4 Academy Awards. I mean, I think it totally sucks when the whole world latches on to something and you think it's just total bullshit (Now I know how my dear Paul Wontorek feels about Sideways). Largely though, I think Hillary Swank winning a second Academy Award is probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my body. This was a GREAT year for leading actresses. Some of my favorites include Uma Thurman, Kate Winslet, Imelda Staunton, Nicole Kidman (people who don't like Birth are stupid), Scarlett Johansson, Lindsay Lohan (Yes for Mean Girls and No I'm not kidding), and of course Annette Bening. So for Hillary Swank, the queen of getting off on playing one-dimensional, self-righteous victims, to win a SECOND OSCAR (Honestly, she has like the lamest career ever.... The Affair of the Necklace, The Core) is a complete "FUCK OFF" to complicated, empowering female characters. And if I were an actress in Hollywood (any day now....), I would be FURIOUS. It's a complete disgrace, and honestly, I don't think I've ever hated someone I don't know the way I hate Hillary Swank (SIDEBAR: Someone keeps trying to tell me that her name has one "L," but if it was two on CNN, that's good enough for me). And you just KNOW that she'll be back. You just KNOW that she's gonna pull this shit again a few years from now. Who knows? Maybe she'll end up with like 10 Oscars. Surely, there must be some more victims she can exploit.

Also, I'm more tired today than I think I've ever been. In my efforts to be a good bedmate to Leigh, I think I got a total of 15 solid minutes. I'm the walking dead. I'm Clint Eastwood's mother. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

OK I'm gonna go home and try to catch some more glimpses of Cate Blanchett's STUNNING Oscar gown on those evening entertainment shows (also notable was Charlize Theron in some CRAZY couture masterpiece).

Mike and I practiced Oscar speeches today. We're so ready to win. Costume Design in 2011!!

Have a good night.

5-time Best Director snubee KEVIN :-)

"Leigh, I will hit a pigeon SO HARD with this bottle of ginger ale..."

I'm not even putting that in context. Suffice to say Kevin is the chivelry king, esp. when fighting off venemous foul. We here at Kevin and Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog are gearing up for Oscar night, with gold cupcakes, chips and dip and a whole lotta vodka. We've seen the Gates( along with, oh, 150,00+ other people. I have never seen central park so crowded. or orange.), Passed Bette Midler en route to Urban Outfitters, and we were actually in a cab in the midst of a hit-and-run on West End Ave. After we escaped with our lives, the next cab we hailed got pulled over by the cops before we could board it. Its been a long day. Anyway, be prepared for Oscar running commentary...

Saturday Morning's Alright for Dying

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Never again, TDI Karaoke. Never again. I am IN PAIN. I have no idea how much vodka went through my system last night, but what came out of my system was a tit-rattling "Piece of My Heart" and two (TWO!!) rounds of "The Rose" with La Robak. God damn. Anyway, somehow I think I paid like $3,000 to cover expenses. After that, I have no idea how I got home, what time I got home (my greatest fear is that it was like 10:45), or why my apartment was an eerie smel.... somewhere between garlic and corpse.

So anyway, by the harsh light of morning, whenI was fighting to stay asleep and heal (I lost that battle, clearly), I had a dream that Virginia Madsen called me on my cell phone (though I was living in my freshman year dorm... wild), and I was consoling her for not winning an Oscar. That's (a) such a "Kevin" dream to have, and (b) totally jumping the gun. Fucking subconscious.

Anyway, since it's Saturday morning, and too early to call Mike, and my head hurts too much to watch The OC, I present you with Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog's official Oscar predictions:

BEST PICTURE- Million Dollar Baby
BEST ACTOR- Jamie Foxx
BEST ACTRESS- Hillary Swank
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR- Morgan Freeman (though I'm totally feeling a Clive Owen upset)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS- Cate Blanchett
BEST DIRECTOR- Marty (This is purely based on my hopes and desires.... as well as the fact that most years, AMPAS will throw me one bone to keep me happy... and this'd be it)
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY- Sideways
CINEMATOGRAPHY- The Aviator
EDITING- The Aviator
COSTUME DESIGN- The Aviator
ART DIRECTION/PRODUCTION DESIGN- The Aviator
SCORE- Passion of the Christ (I swear to fucking god....)
ORIGINAL SONG- I couldn't care less... I guess the Polar Express song??
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM- That German movie about Hitler
SOUND- Spider Man 2
SOUND EDITING- Spider Man 2
VISUAL EFFECTS- Spider Man 2
DOCUMENTARY- Born Into Brothels
DOC. SHORT- Autism Is a Word, dammit!
ANIMATED SHORT- Gopher Broke
LIVE ACTION SHORT- Wasp
and the easiest to predict category ever in the world, BEST ANIMATED FILM- The Incredibles

OK, before I try to force food down my gullet, I have E! on, and Demi Moore is talking about this holistic thing that she swears by wherein she gets rubbed down with diamonds. I totally just laughed out loud... and now they're interviewing the director of the Diamond Education Center! WHAT? Who has that fucking job??

OK, showering. I need it BAD. The stink of karaoke is upon me.

KEVIN :-)

OK so wait... regarding this picture of Mike... This MUST be a toupee, right? I mean.... Holy Shit. 

New York State of Mind

I had the following exchange with the Gayrab today, circa 2:30pm:
G: I was just calling to tell you to have a good flight!
L: Well, I'm actually already at the Victoria's Secret at Americana...
G: Wait, when did you land?
L:oh, 20 minutes ago...
I heart New York. I miss it!!! I was even happy to see the god foresaken Long Island Expressway. Now, as I sit with my dogs my heart is light and my stomach is full of amazing Penne Caprese. (I also heart The Lucky Duck) What more could a girl want?
I am truly excited for Oscar Night. I'm jsut warning you all- I haven't seen The Aviator yet. Please don't throw things at me on Sunday. Grad school keeps a girl busy. I'll just root for Marty based on his body of work, ok? ("Hey Billy, it's your uncle Marty- how'd ya like to turn five again?")
I'm sorry I never go to see that thrilling performance by Mike. I was busy driving 3000+ miles in 4 days at the time. However, you all are missing out too. To see me belt out Robbie Williams' "Rock DJ" is to see karaoke greatness. If you're lucky, and you get me good and drunk- maybe you'll have the pleasure.

SIDEBAR

USWeekly has photos of Jude Law coming out of Pastis. I don't care HOW trendy it is or how many times it was on SATC. We were there first, right? And now we're going back. Dry Omlettes or not, I am willing overpay for mimosas in the name of St. Jude. I will follow him

(follow him wherever he may go....)

Ok, I need to go soak up some long island now. LATA KIDZ.

P.S. Leigh's song of the day: Tom Jones and The Cardigans cover of "Burning Down the House"

(T-minus 10 days till me and Tom are in the same room! ofcourse, mike will be there too...)

TDI Karaoke Night

OK, so heads up... As we round the bend into Oscar Weekend 2005, tonight is the inaugural TDI Karaoke, the brainchild of Katherine Elizabeth McROCK, my coworker and dearest heart. We're all gonna hit the juice and sing... What? "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"? "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"? "Don't Leave Me This Way"? All are distinct possibilities. I'm honestly torn about what to sing, as the constant overuse of coffee, alcohol, etc. has left my upper register in SHAMBLES. I can't even eek out a respectable "Doctor's Orders" like I used to!! This is too depressing. Oy.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a shout-out to (some of you will recall this, and some weren't there, sadly for y'all) the Greatest Karaoke Performance of All Time, myself and Mike singing an uber-aggressive "Call Me" on my 21st birthday. I would venture to say that it was so gratuitously bizarre that an angel got its wings that day.

I don't really watch news in the morning anymore; not like I used to, anyway. I used to be addicted to CNN's American Morning, starring the lovely Soledad O'Brien, the snappy Heidi Collins, and the sub-passable Bill Hemmer. But lately, I find news totally unwatchable. Like, it's all "Bush visited such and such a country" (shameful) or "The Pope is near-death" (NEAR-DEATH??? CMON! QUIT LINGERING!). So I've started watching VH1 in the morning, which has led me to discover- and I know this news is SOOOOO old- The Killers video for "Mr. Brightside." Some might call it a cheap Moulin Rouge rip-off, but to me it's The Return of The King. And by The King, I of course mean Eric Roberts. HE'S SO CREEPY AND COOL! Awesome, awesome video.

If this does in fact turn out to be my last rant before the Oscars, can I impose upon all of you to cross your fingers like 3-4 times for Marty?? I mean, cmon. Clint Eastwood is a stupid old mummy who made a LAME movie, whereas Martin Scorsese is THE SHIT, and his movie is totally brilliant. So... I mean... Let's just say that no one will want to speak to me on Monday. Not that people often enjoy speaking to me on Mondays, or any days, but still.

Song of the Day- Wynonna Judd's cover of "Burning Love"

Lataaaaaaaaaaaa
KEVIN :-)

Snow makes me yearn for Budapest

Right now, snow is falling in the district. Mara is trying to convince me to hop a plane to Europe when I get back from Vegas, because the fares are cheapy McCheaperson. Now, my poor credit cards could never handle such strain; but how incredible would it be to say "Yeah I just got in from Vegas, and I'm off to Budapest in the morning..." Sigh. Any wealthy benefactors out there looking to support a very bright and enthusiastic girl with spunk and freckles?
ALSO...time to discuss Project Runway. I was kind of pulling for Kara Saun (who gets major props for FINALLY bitching out Wendy) However, Jay was just better. And he didnt suck up free shoes. That dress with the quilting??? that was sooo great. I'm all over amish chic. Whatever, I just love him. Sarcasm is clearly the way to my heart. Wait. I almsot forgot to mention Parker Posey's 'fro. wow. that was perhaps the msot impressive. Bravo Jay, sorry Kara and Wendy- ugh I dont even have words for Wendy.
I'm off to NY tomorrow morning. Hopefully the Noreaster outside will not cause a problem. Neither rain nor snow shall keep me from spending Oscar night with Kevin Manganaro.
On the lighter side:

Mara: pps there was a tiger roaming around near my hometown and it made national headlines

Authorities received a call just after 6 a.m. from a resident who reported the tiger strolling past his back fence. He said his children took pictures from inside their homes .The trackers had been looking for the animal for eight days, using infrared equipment at night. They had set traps with goat meat and chicken.

"My friend called me and told me the news.... That I'd been replaced by.... Sheryl Crow"

The above quote is from an interview with this chick named Tatiana Thumbpsten (First of all, THAT NAME!) who was a back-up singer/chica for Michael Jackson. She in fact wrote a tell-all entitled "The Way He Made Me Feel," which I actually do think is very clever. Anyway, this woman was MJ's onstage love interest on his Bad tour, and she claims she was replaced when she tried to kiss him during a show. Uuuummm... First of all, this story is fucking lame. If you were fired, sweetheart, it's because you weren't a slutty 11-year old boy. Second, this is the least timely story ever. Even if my beloved MJ is currently on trial, moaning about how you lost your gig to Sheryl Crow? I mean, Jesus. Even Sheryl Crow herself has become like the lamest woman in the universe (except for the song "Weather Channel" off her most recent cd.... chilling, such a good song), as proven by her hideous appearance at the Grammys. So to be sub-Sheryl Crow is to be... What? Algae? Vapors? Honestly.

OK, next up is the fact my dear friend Katie McGrath rode the subway home from "Good Vibrations" (hilarious) with none other than "Three's Company" star, Ms. Janet Wood herself, JOYCE DEWITT. Now, this isn't big news to a lot of people, but I honestly bring Joyce DeWitt's name up on almost a weekly basis.
"Oh man, Joyce DeWitt should be on Desperate Housewives!"
-or-
"Oh man, Joyce DeWitt should be in Steel Magnolias!"
-or-
"Oh man, Joyce DeWitt should be a co-host on The View!"
I mean, she rocks. Anyway, McG got me the following info:
(1) Joyce DeWitt has awesome hair and looks hot for her age (55, maybe?)
(2) Joyce DeWitt is staying in the Financial District
(3) Joyce DeWitt loves Target, and loves to tell people about the advantages of plastic shelving (I'm not shitting you... For true)

OK, so I'm flippin' out for now. I'm gonna make some calls, and get my drinks lined up for the "Project Runway" finale. If anyone but Kara Saun wins, it'll be a miscarriage. Not even a miscarriage of justice, just a regular miscarriage- crampy and depressing. I HATE WENDY PEPPERS. Scag.

OK, I'm gone now. For serious. (Should I eat a Doubletree cookie? Uuuumm... Probably)

OK, g'night.

KEVIN :-)

THIS is the Joe Iconis I found when I went to CT. Note the eyes, crazed from excess of musical theatre and communal living. 

Joe Iconis in the Middle Of Nowhere.

Hey, everybody!! What up? Happy Presidents' Day weekend. I hope you're all doing well and appreciating this 3-day weekend as the gift from the gods that it so clearly is.

Today, I returned from Connecticut, the Nutmeg/Constitution state, where Joe Iconis has spent the past week at a "musical theatre residency" set up by the Goodspeed. Not only was this an awesome opporunity to see the picturesque fantasyland where my roomate Kate Wilkinson grew up, but it was a chance to see how little Joe enjoyed it. The boy didn't seem to have taken to country livin' too well. But when Kate did drive him to Dunkin Donuts (in COLCHESTAAAA!), he lit up like a Christmas tree. Also, his number (from "The Black Suits") was totally A+ awesome, even if it was performed by a kid so gay that he refers to himself in the third person as "Mama." (Think about it) OH, and we totally went to The Devil's Hopyard. Awesomest place ever.

OK So Kate's in Paris right now (or.... No, she's IN THE AIR right now, oh snap, that makes me so nervous), and as such I plan on taking between now and next Sunday to (a) clean this apartment like none other and (b) turn it into a sex den, SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

I'm out.

KEVIN :-)

#1 BLOG FAN. 

Oh my god!! I touched a Gate!! Oh snap!! 

Cara, overwhelmed by the splendor of The Gates, naps by a pole. 

Lovely & Amazing. 

Schadenfreude!

Today, as I was walking home I saw this girl who always comes into the restaurant. She is the type of person who wears imitation channel suits and has her frosted hair pulled back so tight it seems impossible she is actually breathing. She has a drawl, and is fond of snapping her fingers and saying "Miss...MISSSSS!" She is constantly both A) condescending and B) a bad tipper. I ask you, in what world is 10% acceptable? It's the people like her that make employment in the service industry extra fun. Anyway, today she was distracted by her blackberry, and she trips and falls and breaks the heel off of her shoe all in around 3 seconds. It made me so happy! Some call that Schadenfreude, I call it Karma. My joy at seeing a republican staffer fall into the gutters of Pennsylvania Ave has been slightly marred by the fact that I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. Oh god. again, just typing it is painful. Anyone have any helpful tips on overcoming dentophobia?? I'm all ears people... Kevin dearest- re: your post- Maybe we should get Joe a blog! Then we could all know what was going onin his life!... Joe. I love you. I miss you. See you Oscar night maybe??? I'm thinking of creating some sort of gold-themed dessert in honor of the occasion. That, or, you know picking up a bottle of Goldschlagger. Same thing. -Lethal

Dispatches from the Nutmeg State

So as many of you know, my dearest friend, Joe Iconis, is in East Haddam, CT this week. He's at the Goodspeed perfecting his musical "The Black Suits," which is sure to be a hilarious and touching slice of Long Island drudgery. Anyway, no one's seen Joe since he dove headlong into the creative process, but we DID happen upon this photo, freshly released...

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/050215/482/yber11802152056

As you can see, Joe's mastered the fine line between the homesless and the efette.

KEVIN :-)

The Gaytes.

Leigh, first of all, that Telemundo number was hysterical. I refuse to debate this with you (even though you paid me a v.v. sweet phone call on Monday, you little cherub)... It was hilarious. I mean, the set didn't move when it was supposed to, trapping Jennifer "Strong Island" Lopez in the shadows. Awesome. In all honesty, if Kanye West had suffered an angel wing malfunction and fallen onto a sharp tack, I'd have liked it better too. Self-righteous jerk (him, not you). Though I do offer big props to Matt Wiegle for pointing out that Kanye's number was a paean to Coolio's live production for "Gangster's Paradise." Meh, maybe I'll let it slide.

The weather in New York yesterday was so transcendently perfect that I couldn think of nothing better to do than spend an hour, mid-day, with my coworker Cara David staring at orange swatches in Central Park. AAAHHH, THE GATES. I really did think they were nifty, I guess, but I don't see how it's art. I mean, it's not, right? It's drapes, though, when done well, I do consider drapes an art form, so maybe there's my answer. What's most artistic about them though is that there's TWENTY THREE MILES OF THEM. I mean, b'dang. It's art through quantity. I mean, 23 miles of anything would be cool, right? Anyway, I took lots of photos, which I'll put up as soon as I have time (last night was a fresh Gilmore, so I was paralyzed with heartache... I won't say anything for those who haven't seen it, but AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH).

OK Bye. Polyphonic Spree at Irving Plaza tonight. Wicked excited.

KEVS :-)

A Second Opinion

Ok, see I don't understand how you can say Kanye West was the worst part. Were you in the other room whilst Telemundo was broadcasting via the grammys??? I'm sorry, maybe everyone sings lamentful lovesongs en espanol draped in fur (while pouting around a set from a highschool play. ) But I don't. I sing them in the shower. And, I sing in the right key thankyouverymuch.

sidebar:my teeth hurt. plural; as in all of them. I'm going to the dentist on Thursday and I am terrified he's going to say something to the extent of "I hope you didnt enjoy chewing very much!" God I hate the dentist. With a passion. I'm so afraid. Little Shop scenarios are already running through my mind. waaaah. Damn you Steve Martin...

Anyway, I give up the grammys. Maroon 5? "Daughters"? "I mean even John Mayer admitted that wasn't as great song. C'mon people. And last, but certainly not least- the phrase "grammy award winner Britney Spears" is now valid. I rest my case.

Happy Corey-tine's Day!

Come on, girls! Do you believe in love? Cuz I got something to say about it. And it goes a little something like this....

I fucking hate Kanye West.
No really. He's very, very bad, and his self-deifying production number was the most maddening low point of last night's Grammys (aka- The worst awards show, year after year, and yet the one I can never manage to not watch). High points included Melissa Etheridge's awesome bald head and her head's A+ cover of "Piece of My Heart," as well as Loretta Lynn's ridiculously-deserved wins. Holy hell, I love that woman, even if her ethereal glamor is muddied by Jack White's creep-show face. Speaking of creep show, JESUS is Norah Jones intense. Dude. Chill out. Honestly.

But yeah, we've passed the weekend (during which I had to declare an embrago on the question "So have you seen The Gates yet?" NO. I HAVEN'T. I WAS BUSY.), and now it's Valentine's Day. My own love interest is out of town on family bidness (tear!), and my stand-by boyfriend Kate is seeing Spamalot tonight. Fudge. Gym and last night's Desperate Housewives? Hallelujah! Sounds like Valentine's to me!

To Our Dear Readers.... Remember that we here at Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog love you, deeply and profoundly. Unless you get fat. Then we're fuckin THROUGH, lardass.

Love you all,
KEVIN :-)

WISE UP

Those words may be a perfect title for an Aimee Mann song; however I don't feel they belong on a conversation heart. Pharses such as "UR A QT" yes. "BE MINE" ofcourse. Apparently, its a new edition. Anyway, I am up to my elbows in pink-frosted cupcakes; and I just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day dear readers! I shall be spending tomorrow serving lovebirds their fajitas. How romantic!
P.S.- "Much More than a Movie" just told me Lori Singer is a noted cellist and has played with YoYo Ma. Who knew???
P.P.S.- People Magazine did not inform me that Virginia Madsen has a son, however they did inform me that his father is Antonio Sabato Jr! wow, he was HOTT on "Earth 2"...
Kids, its been a good day for useless information...

"Corey Feldman at both ends of Montauk"

Or, everyone I know is knee deep in luck! It appears that someone stumbled through a patch of four leaf clovers, tripped on a horseshoe and sprinkled some serendipity on the people I adore. The Gayrab is off to dance in the discothèques of gay Paris, the soon-to-be noted composer Joe Iconis will indeed be mounting The Black Suits; and is adapting some sort of children's book for the stage. (Is it "The English Roses"?!?") Kate will be onstage with a corey this summer, in a play she wrote. http://www.broadway.com/Gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=506988Is there some sort of luck-juice in the water? Did someone leave me off a chain-letter list? Because I have never seen so many wonderful things happen to my circle of friends. I should ofcourse mention, all of these events are well deserved. Anyone who has suffered through mike pronouncing anything in a foreign language knows he belongs abroad. I don't need to profess my love for the music of Joe anymore on this site. And as for Kate, aside from being a satirical genious, I say anyone willing to stand in a window display dressed in a unitard deserves all this world has to offer. Kudos to everyone. I look foward to seeing what kind of coatails will be offered by each of you. Kevin and I can't be far behind, right? I'm sure we'll have an infomerical or a pyramid scheme up and running any day now...
I've been informed that we have a small but rabid fanbase at the world of broadway.com. I find this both thrilling and sad, bc if an image of me was to be construed based on the photographic evidence on this website...well...let's just say I should be running out the mall for a glamour shot this very afternoon.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go give the Internet Movie Database a heads-up about the budding stage career of a certain 80s icon. Hey, does this mean people associated with the movie will show up? I don't know about you, but I'd certainly like Adrian Lyne's take on the whole flashdance dance double scandal! Ooooh... I hope this means I can get my copy of The Lost Boys autographed!....but I digress..... Closing tidbit: if you google the play, one of the links is to the "ultimate gremlins fan forum" Incredible.

Two quotes of the day

"The best decision I made all month was to start tivo-ing Judge Judy."- PAUL WONTOREK

"This summer, Corey will be acting on the stage in New York."- 20/20

UNMASKED//European Holiday

So people at my office have discovered this blog, which makes me (a) happy and (b) incredibly nervous. Have I said offensive things about coworkers in the past? Dear God, I hope not. OK. So I just scanned through a bunch of old stuff, and I don't think I've said malicious things about anybody. But if I did, I'd like to issue a blanket apology. You're all attractive, ATTRACTIVE people, and you make-a me smile.

Fine. Anyway...

So Mike's going to Paris this summer (all summer, total expat), which clearly means that I, Kevin Manganaro, am going to get broken in to international travel. In the spirit of this, I have uncovered the following French phrase, which is so absolutely vulgar that no one should read it (truly, stop reading right now... it's really uncalled for):

"Enleve ta croute que je swingue dans l'pus"
("Take out the scab so I can fuck you in the puss.")

I'm completely convinced by this AWFUL sentence that I will ADORE Paris.

Happy Friday-
KEVIN :-)

PS- Don't forget to watch stage star in the making Corey Feldman on tonight's "20/20"! Will he mention his upcoming off-Bway debut? Will a certain roomate/burden of mine make her primetime newsmagazine bow? Only Sam Donaldson knows for sure.

The Three Horsemen of the KevinFeelsFat-alypse

Dear Readers,

Three events have occurred that are causing me to alter my longheld worldview that the planet Earth is really a lovely place, and that if mean, ugly people would stop, ya know, beating up black people, let me get married, stop making Mike go to law school, and stop telling Janet Jackson's nipples that there's something wrong with them (I hear they're starting to get a complex), then we could all live in harmony and smart cocktails.

I no longer think this is so. I think we live in a hateful snatch-pit of a world, with all the charm and character of bongwater.

The three events that have led me to this place:

(1) CONDOLEEZZA RICE VISITS FRANCE
Now, I am firmly on the record of thinking that CondieRice should be slapped in the face my a single white glove until she apologizes for being an asshole. But now she's gone to France, spouting a message that amounts to "Hey, you didn't want to join us before in our crusade for global domination, but we forgive you." YOU FORGIVE THEM!??!?!?!?! Oh. My. God. I don't see France forgiving you for wearing that fucking wig or for not getting your teeth fixed or for being a hateful, lying asscreature. So don't return the favor. But do ME the favor of dying.

(2) LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE OF "WIFE SWAP"
Oy. Oh my god. OK... So, I have never liked "Wife Swap," as I simply think the idea of taking one woman and thrusting her into someone else's home for the purpose of watching her look uncomfortable is just plain cruel. And what's worse, it's boring. No one ever learns anything. They never come out better people. Nothing happens, and to boot, it's a pretty poorly-produced TV show (let's just say that it has no suave host, or Ann Hampton Callway-penned jingle). Well, last night's episode wanted to change all that. They wanted to swap this conservative Christian lady with one half of a suburban lesbian couple. On the surface, this has Kevin Manganaro Cryfest written all over it. But no. What it does have written all over it is "GROSS." I'll elaborate. Firstly, as expected, the Christian lady (uumm... by the by, both she and the lezzie they swapped were named Kris... frustrating) was totally mean and completely unacceptable. She called them "deviants," said that they were "just shacking up," and was afraid that Kris #2 would molest her daughter in her home. What I did not expect was that she was black. So good for her (although, shame on her for rejecting some really easy parallels about her being married to a white man). Anyway, OH MY GOD, we are undergoing the Gay Marriage Crisis in this country, and they pick this lesbian couple to represent us!??!?!? I don't even remember the name of the one who stayed in the house, but she was ridiculous!!! She didn't do a damn thing; she was completely fucking lazy and treated Christian Kris like a slave! She totally gave the impression that she would be with whoever... man, woman, robot... if they could take care of her and let her continue to be worthless. And then Butchie Kris, in the Christian home, came in with a message of "These kids need to have some fun!!" I'm sorry, but this isn't "Patch Adams" and you're not Robin Williams, you fucking tool. Lesbian #1 is a lazy ass (who tries to make the 8 year old daughter dig holes for her... NOT COOL) and Lesbian #2 is a wishy-washy loser, so of course no one's minds get changed. What a fucking waste of a good opportunity. Infuriating.

(3) THE ENGAGEMENT OF PRINCE CHARLES & CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES
Whoa. These two fuckwads are right up there with CondieRice, I think. I have oft described Camilla as "a belipsticked Chupacabra," and now it seems more apt then ever. He's a self-entitled playboy (and worst of all, a repulsive one) and she's what my father's side of the family would call a "hoo-er" ("Whore" to my ango-saxon friends). Luckily, though, there's this hilarious tidbit from the Times... If and when Prince Charles becomes king, Mrs. Parker Bowles will be called the Princess Consort. PRINCESS CONSORT. Oh my god. Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

Love to all,
KEVIN :-)

PS- Leigh, you post below completely makes me feel better. It also makes me feel like a natural woman. Thanks!!

PPS- Indeed, when Mike goes to Paris, I too will go. OY. I'm seasick already. What? We get to fly? OH COOL. No more steamships!! Sweet!! Though I'll miss my friends in steerage.

Gays and Beef: what a match

As that state in which I am studying trys to jump on the gay marriage bandwagon, I would like to shift focus to a something a little more important. And that something is a gay restaurant chain called Hamburger Mary's. This fine establishments offers burgers with a giant knife in the middle of them, which you can eat while sipping a $3 Mai Tais and staring at the picture of Laura Bush in S&M gear. Now the crowd at the DC branch was def mostly those who had gone soft around the middle and were "of a certain age" but thats okay! the lovestruck lesbians in the booth behind us didn't seem to mind either. Also, how many restaurants offer your check in a red high heel and have a club that sends you a card on the anniversary of your coming out? I say, not enough.
Next, I would like to bring up the fact that the Gayrab is "considering" summering in Paris. Considering??? how can you "consider" an event that may get Kevin William Manganaro to cross the atlantic? (granted, I'll probably have to fly with him so I can slip him drinks and capsules of vallium the whole flight) but he'd be abroad! Get with the freaking program Mike. I'd better be drowning in crepes in July, or you'll never hear the end of it.
Speaking of Mike- Katherine Hepburn? that sounds complicated. What happened to a pink wig and looking forlorn? I was a fan of that....
Last and certainly not least...I am less than a month away from seeing Tom Jones in concert. YESSSSSSSSSS. -Lethal.

Thought of the day... NO. Thought of the millennium.

Hillary Swank is fucking disgusting and shameful.

-KEVIN

Don't worry, babies!!

Contrary to popular belief, I, Kevin Manganaro, am STILL ALIVE AND WELL. I've just been v.v. busy lately, and haven't been giving my sweet little blog the attention it deserves. This is because I am HEARTSICK over the fact that Mike and Leigh are going to Vegas THREE WEEKS before I'm going there with my family.

Whatever. Leigh's coming to NY for the Oscars, and I may make her dress up like Katherine Hepburn and parade her around a bar. "Come in with the milk... Come in with the milk..."

So holla at this-- http://images5.theimagehosting.com/parislind.gif
Couldn't be more necessary. I swear.

(sigh) Back to work.

Taxi Cab Confessions

The pearls of wisdom which came from my cabbie at 7:30 this morning were near endless. He was tlaking about the state of the union, and social security and I said that Bush feels like he needs to accomplish something; to have a legacy. To which he replies: He already did that he "accomplsihed" killing hundreds of soldiers in Iraq.
and he was talking about the Iraqi woman embracing the woman who lost her son, and he said it was a cheap trick that played with people's emotions. "not just because of that- but I was a soldier in Vietnam, and I lost a child. and no one wins from situations like that"
On the lighter side...
Sadly, it looks as though I will not be becoming Mrs. Michael Ettannani in Las Vegas. Apparently sham vegas weddings only end in debt and tax problems. Such a shame, as I was really looking foward to working the phrase "I hate being labeled a divorcee" into common conversation.
Also, Tom Jones and the re-incarnation of Studio54 are in the same hotel. There's a stellar evening all in one place.
(our hotel features knights of the round table and australian strippers. same difference)