"My friend called me and told me the news.... That I'd been replaced by.... Sheryl Crow"

The above quote is from an interview with this chick named Tatiana Thumbpsten (First of all, THAT NAME!) who was a back-up singer/chica for Michael Jackson. She in fact wrote a tell-all entitled "The Way He Made Me Feel," which I actually do think is very clever. Anyway, this woman was MJ's onstage love interest on his Bad tour, and she claims she was replaced when she tried to kiss him during a show. Uuuummm... First of all, this story is fucking lame. If you were fired, sweetheart, it's because you weren't a slutty 11-year old boy. Second, this is the least timely story ever. Even if my beloved MJ is currently on trial, moaning about how you lost your gig to Sheryl Crow? I mean, Jesus. Even Sheryl Crow herself has become like the lamest woman in the universe (except for the song "Weather Channel" off her most recent cd.... chilling, such a good song), as proven by her hideous appearance at the Grammys. So to be sub-Sheryl Crow is to be... What? Algae? Vapors? Honestly.

OK, next up is the fact my dear friend Katie McGrath rode the subway home from "Good Vibrations" (hilarious) with none other than "Three's Company" star, Ms. Janet Wood herself, JOYCE DEWITT. Now, this isn't big news to a lot of people, but I honestly bring Joyce DeWitt's name up on almost a weekly basis.
"Oh man, Joyce DeWitt should be on Desperate Housewives!"
-or-
"Oh man, Joyce DeWitt should be in Steel Magnolias!"
-or-
"Oh man, Joyce DeWitt should be a co-host on The View!"
I mean, she rocks. Anyway, McG got me the following info:
(1) Joyce DeWitt has awesome hair and looks hot for her age (55, maybe?)
(2) Joyce DeWitt is staying in the Financial District
(3) Joyce DeWitt loves Target, and loves to tell people about the advantages of plastic shelving (I'm not shitting you... For true)

OK, so I'm flippin' out for now. I'm gonna make some calls, and get my drinks lined up for the "Project Runway" finale. If anyone but Kara Saun wins, it'll be a miscarriage. Not even a miscarriage of justice, just a regular miscarriage- crampy and depressing. I HATE WENDY PEPPERS. Scag.

OK, I'm gone now. For serious. (Should I eat a Doubletree cookie? Uuuumm... Probably)

OK, g'night.

KEVIN :-)