I don't know how kevin managed to leave this out...

It ain't the Oscars if I'm not in the company of my co-blogger and his better half.
This years fete included costumes galore,(one of which, while incredible, can not be posted here due to fear of general public outrage. Sorry Phil) and a cocktail carousel (which was needed due to 17 hour telescast. It's ok,we REALLY needed that typewriter montage)

Please look at the work of culinary sensation Kate Wilkinson:

Little Miss Sunshine Cast:

US:

We're missing Toni Collete, but whatever. I salute Joe Iconis for buying super-white sneakers just for the party.

McGrath and I are a duo of lil' Girls. (I'm in a beauty Pagent, She's fighting monsters who talk from their eyes; but we're still friends!)

Kevin and Kate = Dench and Blanchett. Notes on a Scandal Indeed.

Kevin & Leigh's Recap of the 79th Academy Awards!!

Hi, everybody! Well, the 79th Academy Awards have come and gone. The big news among people with correct opinions is that Martin Scorsese, the greatest living American filmmaker (DROP DEAD, A.O. SCOTT), has finally won the Oscar for Best Director. This is unspeakably wonderful. Also, Ellen did a kickin' job and the ceremony was actually really fun. Leigh and I tried to do a minute-by-minute breakdown of memorable quotes, etc. Obviously, this plan went South due to my love affair with a new acquisition in our home. I've managed to recover a few great comments, so here goes:

6:42pm "Seacrest out. Please."- KW
6:44pm Kevin, on Cameron Diaz: "She rolled out of bed, ate a pie, got hit by an LA Tan, and wrapped herself in a napkin florette."
7:55pm "Gwyneth looks... Oh."- Leigh
8:32pm "Why am I watching a Mac commercial?"- KW, re: the Errol Morris nominee interviews
8:45pm "I have never seen so many white people clapping on 1 and 3."- AS, re: Ellen's gospel opening
8:45pm "It's James Bond and a commemorative Barbie doll."- Leigh, re: presenters Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman
8:50pm "Is this the beginning of The Cosby Show?"- KW, re: the interpretive shadow tumblers
[A bizarre gap in notetaking.]
10:37pm "Wow, God just won an Oscar via J-Hud!"- Leigh
11:26pm "He's really cute. I bet he was a Gap kids model!"- KEM, re: Ryan Gosling

And that's what we got. (Or that's all I'm sharing, anyway!) I'm sure this nonsensical string of observations helps you process what you yourselves were probably already watching.

But enough of this. We know why you're here. You want to talk fashion. You want to talk about who had nipple slips and who ascended to untold levels of fashion awesomeness. Well, you'll find out our thoughts on the matter.... right now! Ladies and ladies, we present the Academy Award Fashion Parade for 2007:


The only person fit to precede Academy Award-winner Jennifer Hudson- and I cannot tell you how great it feels to be able to call her that- is Academy Award-losing nutcase Sally Kirkland, who has managed to turn my unconscious mind into a sprawling cape of faggotry.


Concerning the gold-plated bolero jacket, please look into this movie. You will not be sorry. Concerning everything else, yes please.




Hotness. I have missed Tipper SO BAD. Look at her- She was made for this. She's such a dirty bird.


I'm really going to take a lot of flack for this, but I am nooooot a fan of the post-Ryan era in Reese Witherspoon fashion. 1) She's too thin. She needs a wheelbarrow in front of her to carry her chin. 2) This is the third award show in a row where she's had crack whore eye makeup. We get it- You're single and ready to "mingle." Don't make me chain you to a radiator. 3) The dress looks like a Project Runway challenge.


Haters can say what they like- Kiki is a goddess. Who else would ever think to fucking wear this? It breaks every rule in the book, but I dig it. I do want to point out the bangs, though. Wait... one sec....


OK, sorry. I just wanted to zoom in on the bangs. They're so Dakota Fanning, right??


AAAAAGH. She makes me SO ANGRY. I mean- She's dressed as an envelope. I just want to slap 39 cents on her and mail her back to Satan's asshole or wherever she comes from.


"Hey, girl. 'sup? Say, I've got a little inconvenient truth of my own for ya. After the ceremony, I'm going to meet you in the ladies room at the Governers Ball, and I'm going to eradicate your pussy."- JF


"Oh god. Jodie Foster's at it again."- CB


Whuh- Wait. Kathy Bates was at the Oscars? Why??? Was there a 20 minute-long Errol Morris salute to plus-size character actresses that I slept/ate veggie dogs during?


Dear Kelly Preston- It was great to see you at this year's Academy Award. Honestly, I forgot that you ever existed. It's also very likely that I will go immediately back to forgetting that you were ever born, even if you did wear some unflattering joke of a Victoria's Secret evening number to the most photographed event on the planet. Nice try, though. Best of luck at future events. Love to Ella and Jett. XOXO Kevin.


I cannot possibly tell you how hard this photo makes me laugh. She's a present that he's unwrapping with his withered old Treebeard hands. She would indicate alarm, I'm sure, if her face hadn't been Botoxed into oblivion.


Commonly agreed-upon fact: Helen Mirren is sex. I mean, I'm 25 years old and even high on payote and Sharpies, I couldn't dream of being as hot as this woman. At first, I admit to thinking that this outfit was a little too demure for such a sexbomb. But, ya know, it's growing on me, and she's just so orgasmic that she can wear whatever she likes. Way to go, winner! Please don't become some weird sell-out.


Clearly, the long Oscar campaign has taken its toll on Leonardo DiCaprio.


We're starting our Top Three fashion acheivements with nominee (and suddenly talented person) PENELOPE CRUZ, whose monochromatic confection is yum-yum-yummy. From the insanely detailed bodice, to the precise length of the train- Way to go, Cruz. Ellen Rockgeneres may have thought you were from Mexico, but I think you're from Kickasstonia.


Our #2 (Ha ha- #2) fashion star is nominee/genius/cool mom KATE WINSLET, whose ethereal green dress is too lovely to be believed. Remember when Kim Basinger won her Oscar wearing a similar color, but the fabric was all frumpy? (Also, remember how Kim Basinger won an Oscar.... Oy...) Well, Kate avoided a similar fate. She is as hot as shit. MILF Alert!


And we'll wind things up with Kevin's (Leigh had no vote in the Top Three, but I'm sure she generally agrees on aesthetic principles) Best Dressed Person at the Oscars, which is far more prestigious than winning an actual Oscar, cuh-learly.... JESSICA BIEL. Now, I've never seen "The Illunsionist," and I'm not even really sure who the fuck she is (though "Summer Catch" is a delight), she has brought 1987 back in the fiercest way. You know that this diva has a pair of white Adidas running shoes tucked in her purse. Run for the ferry, Tess McGill! I mean, that pink is so hot that it sets itself on fire. It clashes not only with the red carpet, but also with this very blog. Black belt! Crimped hair! This is everything good fashion should be: ballsy, original, and memorable. Way to go, random lady. Wait. Didn't she fuck Timberlake? She did, right? Whatever. I can't wait for "Black Snake Moan." (Sorry- I'm already planning next year's Oscars!)

Thanks for playing, guys!! If we could, we'd give you all Oscars for Best Animated Short. See you next year!!

Love,
KEVIN & LEIGH.

Bloggers reunited!

So I'm sitting in the Holiday Cocktail Lounge (St. Mark's between 1st and 2nd) last night with Joe, Hansson, and Hansson's Friend Whatshername last night when I hear the call of angels from behind me. It was a stunning aural melange of timpany, trumpets, harps, caleiope- everything I love. It was pure majesty. I look up to see where such a glorious sound could come from, and IT WAS LEIGH. My beloved, cherished friend and co-blogger. We had chosen to booze at the same place! AND HER HAIRCUT IS SO BADASS! It was just so awesome.

This is how I felt.

She's coming for brunch and pre-Oscars today. So I need to take a dang shower. Holla!

KEVIN :-)

Oscars! Songs! Politics! Drugs! Etcetera!

Leigh and I would like to start this post with a small wish for the Oscars (which Leigh has come to NY to celebrate!! yay!!)- ROCK THE FUCK OUT, JENNIFER HUDSON. You are a goddess.

******

Next order of business: Go here and download the second song, "Never Heard Nothing Like This Shit Here." It will blow your fucking mind apart. I never use the word 'masculine' as a compliment, but now I will- This is the best boy song ever.

*****

What the douche is going on with Hillary and Obama? Why are they fighting like a couple of little whiny cunts? And why is David Geffen in the middle of this? THIS is why people don't vote, assholes. THIS is why people will be sick of the race by '08 and why people will stay home and only the crazies' votes will count. Fools.

*****

Roommate just got back from Amsterdam. She went to the Anne Frank House stoned. I love her not only for doing that but for coming back safely.

*****

Hypocrisy Alert: I know that I chastised the world for acting like vultures feasting on Anna Nicole's bones last week, but I am SO into this Britney rehab meltdown nonsense. I can't get enough of it. In and out of rehab, then in and out again, then IN AGAIN in less than a week?! This is magic. To clarify my opinions: (1) Shaving ones head and getting tattoos isn't gross or weird or a cry for help, per se, but (2) She has two small children who she should be focusing on, so it's time to quit the impulsive shit. (I say this because I probably plan a head-shaving debacle one day, but it'll be pre-babies.)

*****

If you're ever bored on a Sunday night, say between 7:00 and 11:00, you MUST come to Splash's Sunday night disco party. I went last weekend with Handsome Danny and it was... aaaaamaaaaaaaaaazing. I- No word. None.

*****

HARRY POTTER: Click here to see Daniel Radcliffe naked. It's gross. But then to cleanse your palette, click here to see his hilarious cameo on Extras, complete with Dame Diana Rigg being the most bad-ass old lady ever.

OK, I'm leaving you on the high note that is Diana Rigg. Enjoy the Oscars, everyone!!

KEVIN (and Leigh).

George W. Vs George dubya : or, How to Use a National Holiday to Further Your Crappy Agenda

Presidents Day. A day we salute George Washington and Abraham Lincoln; two of our greatest Presidents. Acts of political greatness such as creating our nation and it's democratic framework; or keeping the country together in the face of civil war (and ending slavery in the process) are clearly worthy of remembrance. Apparently, so is starting a war based on non-existent weapons of mass destruction. That's right kids. Fearless Leader thinks so highly of himself that he is equating the war on terror with the American Revolution:
''Today, we're fighting a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life,'' said Bush, standing in front of Washington's home and above a mostly frozen Potomac River. ''And as we work to advance the cause of freedom around the world, we remember that the father of our country believed that the freedoms we secured in our revolution were not meant for Americans alone.''
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Surely he jests. Right? Can he really be comparing the fight to create this nation with a war that has basically left Iraq on the verge of a civil war itself? But we're not even up to my favorite part:
''Over the centuries, America has succeeded because we have always tried to maintain the decency and the honor of our first president,'' Bush said.
Sigh. I guess the terms "decency" and "honor" are subject to opinion.
626 days and counting...

A.N.S.

Do you think she OD'd on Trimspa?

Maybe her implants were leaking!

Totally a suicide. TOTALLY.

Did you hear that there's a video of her passing out?

Howard K. Stern clearly murdered her, just like he murdered her son.

I guess I don't expect a lot from people in this country, but I just don't see how any mature adult can use the tragic death of a 39-year-old mother of two (including a five-month-old daughter) as an excuse for gossip and conjecture. People snidely looked down their noses at her enough when she was alive. Give it a fucking rest.