The 2008 Screen Actors Guild Awards Fashion Recap

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!! Did you watch the SAG Awards last night? No? You didn't? Oh. Well, that's OK. You can just watch the Oscars, when they're on-...

Oh, fuck!! There aren't going to be any Oscars this year! And there weren't any Golden Globes! There's been only one televised awards show recently, and you missed it. Oh, EFF. It sucks to be you!

Wait... Are you crying? Oh, honey. Please don't cry. It's OK. Seriously. No. C'mon. I promise. Oh, Jesus. If you can't stop crying, at least wipe your nose. Here, wait. I know what'll make you feel better. What if I give you a fashion recap of selected gowns, and we make fun of famous people? Doesn't that sound like fun? I mean, it's not going to be everybody. Let's not get carried away. But it'll be everyone that I (a) give a shit about, and (b) can steal free photos of from various websites. Sound cool?

See, you're feeling better already! SO LET'S GET STARTED!


Let's start off on a positive note- Christina Applegate, the first lady of American television comedy. She is gorgeous. She always looks gorgeous. She is remarkable, lovely, and talented. I adore everything about her, as well as this look. Fuck, this one was really boring.

And now on to some more interesting ones...


Jane Krakowski's totally making a play to be the new Morgan Fairchild! I don't really get that as a life goal, but whatever floats your boat. The top of this dress looks like it was made out of these little bedazzled fruits that my mother likes to buy at Treasure Island. A most unusual store? A most repulsive dress.


Viggo Mortensen is a Romanian count? What?? Who knew. Oh, well. I'd still battle him in the steamroom anyway, if you know what I mean. (I mean buttsex.)


Oh, now HERE we go. (Cracking my knuckles.) Debra Messing's all dolled up for 70's Vegas lounge act! Well, let me clue you in, sweetheart. The Stardust got torn down, and it's a crying shame your shiteous dress wasn't in it at the time. Go away. You're depressing.


Sandra Oh's dress makes it look like her boobs are partially wearing a tie. Sandra Oh's boobs are partially a gentleman.


I don't know what to say about the Jolie-Pitts these days. (Except that AJ was robbed of an Oscar nod!! Laura Linney? Pho. Ning. It. In.) Her dress- which I guess kind of looks like tie-dyed diarrhea, I suppose- does nothing to dispel the pregnancy rumors, but nor does it do anything to dispel the fact that they're the most generous, philanthropic, and inspiring couple in the entertainment industry, so... There. Suck it, haters!!


Can every couple (including Brangelina) age into people so awesome as Hal Holbrook and Dixie Carter? They're my TomKat. My Benniffer. My Diggs-Menzels. (Note to self: Wear more white scarves with eveningwear.)


OH, MICHELLE. You're too perfect for words, photographs, or my eyes!! I can't even comment on you, you're so flawless. It's like how really religious Jews write God "G-D," because they're not even good enough to say the name. From now on, I'm calling you "Mi--he-le Pf--ffe-."


I know that Tilda Swinton is supposed to be some kind of a high-concept art project that I'm too dumb to get, but sometimes it makes me so happy, and sometimes it's an uninspired, sloppy metallic lounge suit. (Didn't Nick Verreos get kicked off Project Runway for making a suit that looked like this?) Go back to making real movies, you once-respectable semi-insane sometimes-genius!


Relatively speaking, he's new to the red carpet scene, so let's all cut Zac Efron some slack. You're a pretty, pretty doll princess, Zac. We promise. Keep up the good work.


Maybe all of her fashion sense has gone to her gestating Oscar- WHOOPS! I mean Fetus!- but Cate Blanchett looks like a Laura Ashley paintball target. Unacceptable. "I too can command busy patterns, sir! I shall steal all your gown's bric-a-brack if you dare to try me!"


Oh, Jenna Fisher. Oh no. Oh merciful Jesus. Oh... CHRIST. I mean, I'm in different to boobs, generally speaking, but this bitch must hate hers. Is that armor? Was she in 300?


Leave it to Platinum Fox Julie Christie to show up Tilda in the "Lady In Pants" contest. Yes, JC is gorgeous. Yes, JC won a well-deserved trophy, and is on her way to an equally well-deserved Oscar. Yes, she is hot as the flaming surface of the sun at age 67. (Is G.I.L.F. a working acronym?) But what really drives me mad with desire is how much I want my hair to look exactly like hers. I'm buying an at-home perm kit right now! I'm gettin' me a Marcel Wave, and it's all thanks to you, Julie!!


Here we have current Oscar nominee (and apparently-famous-in-France person) Marion Cotillard. She played Edith Piaf moderately well in some fucking lame movie, but she's actually really pretty in real life, so I'm apparently supposed to give a shit about her. Whatever. This dress is nice. And what you can't see is that her hair was full of glitter. So mad respect for that.


And finally, and with all due exaltation and worship, for the second time at a major awards show, Leigh and I crown Ugly Betty's America Ferrera as Best Dressed of the night. Yay!! This lace-y one-shouldered number was pure understated Hollywood glamour, and it brought out the natural glow of primetime TV's hottest ingenue. Well done, America!! (Oh my god, when was the last time you heard us say that?!)

OK. This has been an insane amount of fun, and while we hope we get to do it again soon... We're not holding our breath. And so we say to you, until we get to harshly judge women's personal fashion choices again... Godspeed and good luck.

In the Holy Name of Ruby Dee,
KEVIN (and, by proxy, Leigh)

How can a commercial make me so sad?

Maybe it's the fact that I want a dog so badly.
Maybe it's the soothing sound of David Duchovny's voice.
Who knows. But every time this Pedigree ad comes on, I have to fight tears.
I would totally adopt Echo. Wouldn't you?

p.s.-In happier news, tonight is the LAST TIME Dubya gets to address the State of our Union. Gas prices spiraling out of control. Economy on the brink of recession. Should be a good one.
p.p.s- Don't worry- Kevin's on SAG awards duty.
Mickey Rooney,
L

And You Thought Hannah Montana was a Hot Ticket

Ladies and germs- the zeitgeist of Joe Iconis has reached a fever pitch. After selling out a four-show run, he had to add a midnight show on Sat, to meet fan demand. Like he is Miley Cyrus.It appears there are two Joes. First, there is the Joe Iconis with whom I share the more-than-occasional drink. The Joe Iconis who loves my parents' dog.The Joe Iconis who communicates almost exclusively via text message. Our friend Joe. And then there is JOE ICONIS-winner of awards, singer of songs, pied-piper of musical theatre- leading a band of teenage white girls 'round the interwebs. I mean, we have always loved Joe. Now we have to share him. With five sold out shows worth of people. It's fantastic! I mean, the breadth of his wikipedia article alone is rather impressive. But then you add in the reviews. And the Youtube videos. And the girl who almost pushed me down the stairs of the theatre last night screaming "I WAS IN LINE TO SEE JOE BEFORE YOU!!!" It's crazy like a fox. I said to Kevin that I think we are fast becoming"The Liv Tyler to his Christina Applegate's ex-husband". It's not that we haven't seen this coming since, oh 1989. Maybe it's because I was out of town for years, who knows. It's just that last night, it was right in front of me. And it's a delight.

Better Get to Birthdayin'!

As I've done for the past two years, I want to take a brief pause on January 19th to salute the birthday of America's greatest musical treasure, Dolly Rebecca Parton. She's 62 years old today, and she's soon to be back on top of the pop culture universe in a big way- February sees the release of her new album, Backwoods Barbie (though I'm sure everyone is already familiar with the brilliant single "Better Get to Livin'" and the ensuing music video, which is one of Dolly's best ever). Later on this year, she's taking the stage version of 9 to 5, for which she's written a new songs, to the Ahmanson Theatre in LA (Note to Leah: When this happens, I'll be sleeping on your couch), before bringing said show to New York next spring.

So 2008 is going to be very Partoncentric. And I couldn't be happier. I already have my seats to see The Lady at her March 7th Radio City show, and I'm fully counting the seconds til then.

In honor of this earthly goddess, and in celebration of how America seems to be remembering just how indispensable an icon she is, please enjoy the below YouTubes. This is a small collection of some of my favorite Dolly duets. Note how she makes artists look more relevant and attractive just by being near them.









Yours in Parton,
KEVIN xoxo

Hostess with the Mostest.

Last night McGrath and I trekked to the Upper East Side to have ladies night at Che' Hansson. Let me tell you, it was a classy affair. If I have people over to my apartment, it almost always ends in dialing for dinner. Not at Marissa's. There was homemade hummus. There was homemade sauce. I mean, observe the presentation. Note the perfectly placed basil leaf atop the ricotta:Now that's just plain classy. And now I will follow this lovely evening of wine and gossip by accompanying Kevin & company to see a movie about a girl with a man-eating vagina. (No really, it was at Sundance.) It's a strange life I lead.

The Billy Bush Awards.

Man was that awful.
Well...let me clarify. I feel that the WGA is fully justified in asking to be compensated when people view and buy their work. So cancelling the globes had to be I guess.
But for the love of god, did we have to watch Billy Bush?
Was NO ONE ELSE available from the entire NBC news roster? Why the hell should we care what Tiki Barber & company have to say about anything?
(For the record, I am no fan of Nancy O'Dell either, since she is pretty much singularly responsible for Wendy Pepper making it to Olympus Fashion Week..but I digress...)
It was just so...joyless.
In an attempt to remind us what award season is truly all about I offer you the following:
Here is this blog's '07 Globes Fashion Review. Joan Rivers has nothing on Kevin.
and here is Nikki Blonsky finding out she was nominated. [it's long. Skip to 4:19 and be rewarded.]

Here's hoping for an Oscar ceremony?
-L

"What do they got? A lot of crap!"

In 1989 I fell in love. (with a movie) I saw the Little Mermaid four times in the theatre. I watched it on vhs until the tape literally died. I sang "Part of Your World" so often I'm sure my parents wanted to invest in ear plugs. No one was happier than I when Disney announced it was mounting a Broadway production- and no one more disappointed in the giant pile of crap that is currently playing at The Lunt- Fontanne Theatre. It was so bad it was comical. Kevin and I were openly laughing through the majority of the show. I didn't have the proper words to explain it. The lucite set, the horrible dancing, the fact that they moved on HEELYS - I didn't have the words- but one man does. Now that it has opened PLEASE see what Ben Brantley has to say because his prose is genius. "But Leigh- I don't read theatre reviews" Oh contrare. Just look at what he said about the set:
"a distracting set (by George Tsypin) awash in pastels gone sour and unidentifiable giant tchotchkes that suggest a Luau Lounge whipped up by an acid-head heiress in the 1960s. The whole enterprise is soaked in that sparkly garishness that only a very young child — or possibly a tackiness-worshiping drag queen — might find pretty."
C'mon, read it!

Random Thoughts: 1/9/07

Hiya Kids.
Sorry I've been absent from the blogosphere as of late; I was busying ringing in the 2008 in the district. It was a lovely time filled with friends, pocket-door dance parties, arthritis inducing Nintendo battles, and me spending a lot of quality time at the Dupont Manor.
1. Regardless of your views on who won the New Hampshire and Iowa primaries, more people turned out to vote in them than in the last 3 election cycles. Good News.
2. Have you seen the preview for that Jessica Alba movie The Eye ? Aside from looking heinous, it's totally a rip-off of what I'm sure is the far superior Blink featuring a blind Madeline Stowe receiving an eye transplant. Does anyone else remember that movie?
3. Coke Zero was named one of the "Hottest Products of 2007" I couldn't agree more. I loves me some coke zero. I understand some of you don't get it- in the words of the Gayrab " I want my diet soda to taste metallic, that's how i know it's diet!" but I still think there is one Coke product the world could do without.
4. This season of Project Runway truly had not captured my affection as much as its predecessors- until last week. Hershey's Challenge? Excellent! I'd like to say, for the record, I think Jillian was robbed. EDIBLE CORSET made of Twizzlers people! hello!:

Alright, that's enough. I have to take advil before my novocaine wears off. A word of advice from your friend Leigh: Floss your teeth like 20 times a day. OR ELSE.

IOWA HEARTS HUCKBEES...

....so start getting scared.



by guest blogger Popzilla

Well the Iowa Caucus was last night, and forecasts for November are already being made. Sure, it's months away, and this caucus is about as telling as winning an award from the Hollywood Foreign press, but some things are certainly becoming clear.
Oprah is truly the kingpin we have all known her to be. She has already ruined the beef industry, a non-fiction writer's career, and Broadway, so why not Hillary Clinton's campaign? Check! But what Oprah needs to realize is that if Obama gets the nomination (shudder!), she is going to have to face a competitor who has never been beaten. I am referring, of course, to none other than Chuck Norris.
The kick-fighting, action jean wearing former "Texas Ranger" has been hard campaigning for Republican candidate Mike Huckabee. And no one has ever seen Chuck Norris lose. He was seen last night during Huckabee's speech (after a nine-point victory over Mitt Romney) with his wife Gina ( a dead ringer for Candice Cayne, btw) and it looks like Chuck is in it to win it.
Now in a perfect world, he would reek havok on the Obama campaign, kicking Oprah and Barack down (and Jay Leno while he's at it, please?), jeopardizing Huckabee's own campaign, whilst Hillary ascends to her rightful place in the White House.
But kick-fighting or not, I think we need to all start being very scared of Mike Huckabee. Not just because of his Republican politics (hating gays, liking bibles, being obese at least once). Here's why:

- He started his career as a Southern Baptist minister.....he believes in creationism....and Biblical inerrancy. In other words, he's ready to inherit the wind. In the classroom. Hide your children.

- In 1992, he wanted to put a quarantine on AIDS patients, adding, "homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk."

- When he was governor of Arkansas, he pardoned a convicted rapist who later raped and murdered another woman. Seriously!

- He is a bass player in the political band, Capitol Offense. And as we all know, chicks dig bass players.

Scared enough yet? This man could be president. Or Vice President under Mitt Romney, who ain't much better.
Time to take back the country kids.
Or threaten to move to Canada, again.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES