2005 Round-Up Begins NOW.

Hey everybody! Kevin here. Oh my gosh, I can't even tell you how mortified I am that it's been so long since I wrote anything here. Please forgive me. I mean, it's been AGES. We have so much to cover here, and it's a lot to take on, but I'm going to start with HOLIDAY HO-HO-HODOWN 2005, which took place last Saturday (but whose effects were felt well into this past Tuesday).

Most Valuable Party Guest shout-outs go to Katie McGrath, who prepared no less than THREE delicious dishes that everyone enjoyed. AND she looked hot as hell! AND she gave me a photo calendar! Hello, whenever they're electing a new pope, I'm nominating Katie McGrath. She's better than Current Pope, because she's not a wrinkled old homophobe AND she doesn't wear neon red clogs... as much.

Other Notables: Jake Brown for bringing 'TheLangley Schools Music Project,' Sara Fitzchristmas for bringing the hotness, Margaret Murphy for bringing the determination to climb 6 flights of stairs after Neil Diamond busted her kneecap, Heidi Hansen-Young for bringing the gift of a conversation topic, Cara David for bringing Uma on 'Oprah,' Kenneth Naanep for bringing an A+ line reading of 'Hey, gays! Where you get them shoes?', Ryen and Sean for bringing the ingenuity to invent 'Jack & wine,' Matt Kupchin for bringing clout, Kate Jacobs for bringing the male part of 'Baby, It's Cold Outside,' Mike Ettannani for bringing emotional instability, Bret Friedman for bringing an appreciation of homemade curtains, and most of all, Matt Gurry for bringing the wherewithall to hang out with a bunch of lushes on his 24th birthday. Holla to everyone! It was literally the funnest. And next year, I promise to stay, if not sober, at least lucid. I apologize to any- and everyone I spoke to with my eyes closed while drooling slightly.

Now that we've taken care of that rigamarole, it's time to announce that this blog is going to launching a year end wrap-up to beat the band. We'll be looking at 2005 in pop culture, 2005 in politics and 2005 in the eternal battle of good (John O'Hurley) v. evil (Kelly Monaco). More on this once 2006 officially kicks into high gear. I know you all are wicked excited, so feel free to email Leigh or myself with ideas and/or suggestions. Likely, they'll be 100% ignored, but I'm pretending that this blog's a give-and-take. Which is totally ain't.

Democratically, KEVIN :-)

"I mean, to me it looks like a barefoot, Appalachian, lil'Abner mess"

Words like those are why I cherish every moment that Michael Kors appears on Project Runway.
I hope you are all watching the new season. I haven't figured out who I'm rooting for yet- but I think it might be Chloe.
I have to go get gingerbread making supplies and a gallon of peppermint schnapps for my holiday fete tomorrow, but I thought today needed a post.
After all, Today is GAY COWBOY DAY
-Lethal.

Oh Christmas Tree

Please note that this year's tree topper is a Bagel.

just incase anyone was wondering...

Kevin's "Trannie Don't Preach" post was our renaming of Rent's love ballad "I'll cover you" now known in it's full title as "Trannie Don't Preach: I'm keeping my gay" sung in part by Jesse L. Martin, who is the highlight of a very low film. On stage, you see an industrialized set which is a good rendering on alphabet city. On screen, you watch Adam Pascal run around on a bunch of rock formations doing his best imitation of Britney's "I'm not a girl..." video. SIGH. If the preview was any indication it appears they've simply filmed the set of The Producers. Can we please stop trying to put broadway on film? Get up and go the the theatre people. It's really much better, I promise.
Besides, someone has to ensure Manganaro has a job.
Also: my apt has heat again, thank god.
This entry is the blog's two hundred and seventy-fifth post.
Wow. we have A LOT of time on our hands...

Oh my god- I've never had so much fun in my life\

It was announced today that Blondie is being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. As a RABID Blondie fan, I almost shit my britches. When the haze of self-satisfaction settled away, I was left with the question of which half-assed twatrag would perform a Blondie ditty at the ever-disappointing induction ceremony. Kate & I settled on the milquetoast Kelly Clarkson, but it got me/us dreaming about what might be...

Kevin & Co.'s Dream Blondie Tribute Concert:

(in order of performance)

ACT ONE

"Atomic"- Scissor Sisters

"Heart of Glass"- Franz Ferdinand*
"X Offender"- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Denis"- Missy Elliot
"Go Away"- Ladystein
"Hangin' on the Telephone"- OK Go

"Out In the Streets"- Emmylou Harris

"I'm Gonna Love You Too"- Sinead O'Connor & Marilyn Manson*
"Fade Away and Radiate"- Fiona Apple

"Rapture"- The Eurythmics
"Rip Her To Shreds"- Elton John feat. Mary J. Blige

(interval)

ACT TWO

"Maria"- k.d. lang
"Call Me"- Bai Ling
"Union City Blue"- The White Stripes

"Kung Fu Girls"- Garbage

"Sunday Girl"- David Bowie*
"I'm on E"- Cyndi Lauper

"The Tide is High"- Shonen Knife#
"Man Overboard"- TraLaLa
"Susie & Jeffrey"- Bettye LaVette

"11:59"- Maximo Park
"The Real World"- Courtney Love
FINALE: "One Way or Another"- Dolly Parton & Co.

Titles with a (*) were suggested by Joe Iconis, whose good judgment is always on display at www.purevolume.com/joeike. Titles with a (#) were suggested by Kate Wilkinson, whose passable taste and excellent cans are on display at www.ladystein.com.

Sigh. J'happy.

KEVIN :-)

Trannie Don't Preach

I'd say that 2005 was an extraordinarily successful Thanksgiving on Long Island. It started with serving food to the homeless at the Bowery Mission next to Candice Bergen. Then it continued with seeing that Mike's face- while still unbearably hideous- isn't as scarred as I'd feared. It rambled on through two days of passionate shopping, Sands Point driving and diner food. And now I'm back in Manhatty, and I'm immensely greatful to have so much of my shopping done. (No, really. I have cute stuff for people this year- Tee hee!)

And yes, Leigh, we should talk about the Lachey-Simpson divorce, because (a) Fuck them, and (b) It's hilarious. I can't wait til Ashlee gets divorced.

Also, Leigh, Joe and I saw the "Rent" movie on Saturday night, in the midst of a throbbing, horah-ing throng of B&T Jewish 12-year old girls. They were 1,000 times worse than any 'Black Friday' mob scene, and 1,000 more enjoyable than that bullshit, awful movie.

Ho Ho Ho
KEVIN :-)

The Average American Consumes 7,100 Calories on Thanksgiving...

and I'm no exception.
mmm. Tryptophan coma....
Happy Turkey Day, blog fans!
I have the following things to say...

1. I'm never eating again, but god, I LOVE sweet potatos
2. The Springer Spaniel was robbed, and totally should have won the dog show. Also, due to the dog show; "god loves a terrier" has been in my head all day.
3. My mother and I know all 18 1/2 minutes of Arlo Gutherie's "Alice's Restaurant" by heart. Is that werid?
4. I didn't go to Leo's on Weds night- someone please tell me who in GC is married/preggers/in rehab
5. I feel like I need to say something about the end of the Simpson/Lachey Marriage. I occasionally "read" USweekly, so, in way, I'm to blame. Now all we have is TomKat. Sigh. Did anyone else read that he actually purchused a sonograph machine, so he can watch his baby grow??? eeekkk.
   
6. Kevin, you may have done some good online shopping, but no way you're topping my xmas gift this year. Joe Iconis isn't the only one who can buy you women's T shirts....
   

I'm not lame.

I don't do lame things like Tivo-ing the American Music Awards. But... If I wish that kind of person, I would say that Annie Lennox had just been elected Queen Cool Goddess of the Universe.

december bells

Leigh Slummerville and I let the one-year anniversary of this blog pass us by. We apologize, and promise to do a rousing feature for you celebrating all the highs and lows of this past 365 days, along with some testimonials from our blog's #1 fans. In the meantime, we hope that all of you out there are enjoying the upcoming holiday season. I've already done some Grade-A Christmas shopping!! Holla!! (All online, of course.)

ISSUES:
(1) I'm obsessed with Reese Witherspoon.
(2) I'm obsessed with not seeing Journey tonight.
(3) I'm obsessed with the new Madonna cd. (More on this to come later.)
(4) I'm obsessed with the fact that Mike, a good friend of this blog, had surgery ON HIS FACE yesterday. Oh, good lord. I nearly fainted, but it's all OK now, though he did pop a stitch post-surgery while singing "The Christmas Blues." What a fucking tool.
(5) I'm obsessed with gay cowboys.

More later. Thanks for your patience, all! You'll be rewarded for it. J'promise.

KEVIN :-)

H&M&INSANITY and A Little Night Music ...

Oh Stella McCartney, what chaos you bring to the world of discount fashion.
I figured haute couture at cheap prices would be alluring. I had no idea it would be violent
I've been told that in NY at the H&M on fifth ave. arrests for assualt were threatened.
I arrived at around 2 to find the place picked over, and in chaos. Women were literally pulling things out of each others hands. I actually saw a woman rip a shirt form another woman's hand and scream "That wasmy shirt! I saw it first!" it was crazy I tell you! Is that silk wrap dress really worth your life???? Grown women fighting like kids in a sandbox. INSANITY.
(fyi- i walked away with a shirt. I simply grabbed and ran. it was all instinct. if it doesn't fit me, I'm sure someone on Ebay will love it....)
Following the most harrowing shopping experience in recent memory, I saw Ben Folds live on stage with the entire Baltimore Symphony Orchestra backing him up. Let me tell you something. it is rare occasion to see a man use the pharse "Kiss my ass motherfucker" with strings and precussion at his disposal. How many people curse openly with violas and harps backing them up? (Joe Iconis, I'm talking to you...) It was a DELIGHT.
such a contrast filled day....
also, my co-blogger arrives in the district in a matter of hours.... Im so exicited!

This is how Priscilla enjoys her marathon victory

This is the "artsy" photo mara and I took Halloween night. Yeah. it's supposed to be blurry.

So many goings on in the world...

And I've neglected this blog since before Halloween. I am sooooooo sorry! That is lame of me, and I've done nothing to deserve the loyalty of this blog's devoted readership. I'M NOT WORTHY! But in my defense, life is frickin' busy. Here's how:

Work has exploded. With both of my managers out of the office and "The Busy Season" upon us, I have literally never been so scattered from 9am to 6pm in all my life. I can't even take lunch and read my gay, gay British, British novel. So frickin' sad.

No one will talk to me because the live episode of "The West Wing" is on. I had a heated debate with my mother about this... Why do people feel so drawn to this simply because it's live? Like, my mother has never watched "The West Wing," but she wants to watch this because it's live. Uuumm... Why? That's so arbitrary. If it was exactly the same, except it was pre-recorded, it would be less interesting? Hello- It's "The West Wing." It's already pretentious and impersonal and aggravating. My mother countered with, "Well, you go see plays. Those are live!" Well... Yes. But they're always live- It's not some random gimmick. Don't be suckered in, America!

I heard this song, but it might not have really existed. I had Thai food with my adorable new friend Matt, and they were playing this song- The title of it must have been "Since You Came To Town." It was jazzy and standard-y and really sexy and unspeakably romantic; it had a smoky quality was sung by a torch-y sounding woman. I can't find any trace of it. If anyone out there knows anything about this song, I would be truly grateful.

Martha Stewart is a golden goddess. (self-explanatory)

OK, I'm hitting the road, kids. My old lady will be home any second. Goodniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME IS BETTER THAN YOURS

Last night, while celebrating all hallow's eve dressed as a "leftover" I learned the following things. You might find them useful if ever you feel the need to see what "form fitting" truly is.

1. Don't consume 2 servings of pasta before attempting to wrap yourself in plastic
2. crimping hair takes forever
3. household items such as tinfoil, trash ties, and ziploc bags can make delightful additions to a costume
   
4. when cloaking yourself in saran wrap, its a good idea to gather items you might need ahead of time; as once you are wrapped up, you won't be bending down any time soon
5. the shelf life of a costume made entirely of plastic is around 3 hours

Halloween '05 = nothing but saran wrap 

This is the most revolutionary photo of Katie McGrath ever taken. Note the t-shirt. Note the glazed expression. Note the awesomeness. 

Samantha Parkington Vs. Jesus Freaks

Hi Kids, remember me???
Im back, mostly becuase I'm filled with rage.
The most wonderful toy I ever owned is under attack.
If you are a girl, and in your twenties, you probably owned and American Girl Doll. Or you know someone who did.
When I was eight, Samantha Parkington was the coolest doll ever. She was from 1904, taught you about history, came with books and had the mostt extensive/historically accurate wardrobe imaginable. She currently sits in my attic, just incase I have a daughter someday.
Apparently, becuase the company that makes these dolls donates money to an organization that empowers girls through education also happens to be pro-choice, the dolls are now the tool of the devil.
WHERE DOES IT END PEOPLE????????????
I'm so glad I'm bilingual. Im getting out of this country, for serious.
Also, incase you need more evidence:
while i was drivng back from NY last weekend, there was a protest at the convention center.
for what, you might ask. (try to let this absorb slowly....) grown men and women were standing on street corners protesting....
CIRCUMCISION.
people were holding signs of babies saying "love all of me" and "my foreskin was not a mistake"
I rest my case.
-L

"I'm impossible to forget, but hard to remember."

Just a quick note on a Sunday evening (pre-Housewives)... It got scatching reviews, but I willa absolutely fight America on this: ELIZABETHTOWN is one of the best movie of the year. I completely could not stop crying. It's beautiful. It's absolutely gorgeous.

Go see it. And if you don't like it, then we're in a Big Fight.

KEVIN :-)

National Coming Out Day!

HOORAY!! Happy, Happy everyone!

In honor of such a genius holiday (and is it a coincidence that Dolly's new CD comes out today??), here's a little trip down memory lane to when we had a real president:

http://www.clintonfoundation.org/legacy/110897-speech-by-president-at-human-rights-campaign-dinner.htm

Read it and miss it.
KEVIN :-)

Ranting Monday

Happy Columbus Day, Readership! I hope you had a lovely weekend. I was out in the Hamptons, where I saw Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin-Paltrow and even little Apple Blyth Allison Martin-Paltrow going into a restaurant in Amangansett! Delightful sighting all around.

I just wanted to take this date, when you either celebrate the contributions of Italian-Americans or bemoan the fate of Native Americans (I'm constantly doing the latter, and I'll consider doing the former if it's ever merited), to go at a few things:

(1) Can the world just fucking crucify Kate Moss and Boy George and get it over with? Like, we get it, you don't like people who do coke (but people who start wars and/or appear on "Trading Spouses," you're fine with), but kicking Boy George when he's down (ie- obese), or kicking Kate Moss when she's down (ie- dating a guys whose band is named Babyshambles), is just too easy. Do you really feel good about yourselves for belittling Boy George? Like, he's not Tom Cruise. He can't defend himself armed with fortunes and lunacy like Tom can. I mean, c'mon. That's all I'm saying.

(2) www.harrietmiers.blogspot.com
Essential.

(3) First, Kenny Chesney commits "fraud" against her, and now Jack White's wife is pregnant. I'm betting on a Renee Zellweger suicide, which, after "Nurse Betty" would be the best thing she's done in a loooooong time.

(4) My iPod is broken. Am I grieving the loss of over 5,000 songs? You fuckin' bet I am. But I suppose I'll just start the process of assembling them all over again. Sigh. Rage.

OK, Back on the clock now. CIAO!

KEVIN :-)

PS- Thanks and love to Kate for the "Trading Spouses" joke. Still Golden, Wilkinson.

something to get angry about on a thursday afternoon

Melina Jarvis is the chair of the social studies department at Currituck County High School in North Carolina, and she is not used to having the Secret Service question her or one of her students.

But that's what happened on September 20. Jarvis had assigned her senior civics and economics class "to take photographs to illustrate their rights in the Bill of Rights," she says. One student "had taken a photo of George Bush out of a magazine and tacked the picture to a wall with a red thumb tack through his head. Then he made a thumb's down sign with his own hand next to the President's picture, and he had a photo taken of that, and he pasted it on a poster."

According to Jarvis, the student, who remains anonymous, was just doing his assignment, illustrating the right to dissent.But over at the Kitty Hawk Wal-Mart, where the student took his film to be developed, this right is evidently suspect. An employee in that Wal-Mart photo department called the Kitty Hawk police on the student. And the Kitty Hawk police turned the matter over to the Secret Service.On Tuesday, September 20, the Secret Service came to Currituck High.

"At 1:35, the student came to me and told me that the Secret Service had taken his poster," Jarvis says. "I didn't believe him at first. But they had come into my room when I wasn't there and had taken his poster, which was in a stack with all the others." She says the student was upset

"He was nervous, he was scared, and his parents were out of town on business," says Jarvis.She, too, had to talk to the Secret Service."Halfway through my afternoon class, the assistant principal got me out of class and took me to the office conference room," she says.

"Two men from the Secret Service were there. They asked me what I knew about the student. I told them he was a great kid, that he was in the homecoming court, and that he'd never been in any trouble."

Then they got down to his poster."They asked me, didn't I think that it was suspicious," she recalls. "I said no, it was a Bill of Rights project!"At the end of the meeting, they told her the incident "would be interpreted by the U.S. attorney, who would decide whether the student could be indicted," she says.

The student was not indicted, and the Secret Service did not pursue the case further."I blame Wal-Mart more than anybody," she says. "I was really disgusted with them. But everyone was using poor judgment, from Wal-Mart up to the Secret Service."

A person in the photo department at the Wal-Mart in Kitty Hawk said, "You have to call either the home office or the authorities to get any information about that."Jacquie Young, a spokesperson for Wal-Mart at company headquarters, did not provide comment within a 24-hour period. Sharon Davenport of the Kitty Hawk Police Department said, "We just handed it over" to the Secret Service. "

No investigative report was filed."Jonathan Scherry, spokesman for the Secret Service in Washington, D.C., said, "We ertainly respect artistic freedom, but we also have the responsibility to look into incidents when necessary. In this case, it was brought to our attention from a private citizen, a photo lab employee."

what it feels like for the girl next door

Maybe it's the fact that this is New York Film Festival week here in autumnal Manhattan.
Maybe it has to do with me having written so much lately for trusty Bway.com.
Maybe it's the fact that Best Friend Mike has been to the Northeast so much this month.
Maybe it's collitis.
But lately, my mind has been CHURNING. I just keep rehashing ideas and concepts. Like, "What does such-and-such really mean?" or "What is this trying to say to me?" or "What's the real life impact of Reese Witherspoon having made a Terri Schiavo propaganda flick, disguised as a romantic comedy... Apart from me being pissed at Reese Witherspoon?"
(I wish I could have had these critical thinking skills when I was actually in COLLEGE, mind you.)

Today's topic of thought: What's up with the American ideal of "The Girl Next Door"? Like, first of all, what does that even mean? I think it's inherently someone 'wholesome' and non-threatening, right? Because the term- which is starting to seem like a vaguely loaded one- is getting used quite often lately, sometimes to describe someone who's the supposedly maligned victim (Jennifer Aniston), sometimes for a vacant husk that's meant to represent a wifely ideal (Laura Bush). So is the girl next door empowered, or is she passive?

I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much. This is so lame. I guess I'm just trying to say that everyone is NOT on the same page as far as feminine ideals are concerned, and as someone who will 99.9% have a daughter someday, it's freaking me out.

What are my "girls next door" like? Well, on Long Island, I've got a old woman (60-ish) named Josephin on one side of me who was once investigated by the FBI, and an Iranian housewife on the other side. In Manhatty, I've got a Tara Redi-esque party girl to the left of me, and boys (ick) to the right. Oh, and I lived in Farmingdale until I was 4, where we lived next to a pot dealer named Linda. So are my living situations out of joint, or is the ideal completely illusory?

[Sidebar: Did I just say "illusory"? Sorry. I've been reading a lot lately.]

OK, I need to take a break from thinking for a while. Tonight, I'm going to see "The Squid & The Whale," starring Laura Linney, who would totally live next door to me if I could pick my neighbors.

KEVIN :-)

A Very interesting Dichotomy

This weekend, DC will be hosting two very different events within spitting distance of one another.
At one end of The Mall (near the Capitol) Laura Bush and The Library of Congress will be hosting the National Book festival
Happy readers everywhere will mingle with authors and get all sorts of free stuff. I am very excited.
At the other end of The Mall (near the Washington Monument) Operation Cease Fire will be going on. This a concert to protest the war in Iraq, and will include bands like Le Tigre and Thievery Corporation. I am very excited.
Dear readers, can you take a moment please and picture the two groups of people who are sure to clash with each other on a Saturday afternoon?
All I can say, is I'm bringing my camera.
Also, I think you need to understand that everyday John Roberts is sitting the Senate offices (not) answering questions exactly 485 feet from my front door (according to google, its a 14 second drive.) SIGH.
-L

And people wonder why I'm so discouraged with the world lately...

http://www.gaycitynews.com/gcn_437/gayaidsdiscriminationin.html

I look out upon the sea, but the coast is always changing.

I'm still in the process of trying to ween myself off of the addictive teat of current events. And I'll get there soon, I promise-- The "Martha"fication of my mind is taking place, I can promise you that... Mmmm, cumin.... But in the meantime, old habits die hard:

*Uncle Kracker made his speech from New Orleans last night. Thank GOD I missed it (I was at The Stones, trying to detox on 90-year old rock gods and gyrating Jersey trash), but I caught enough of it to know that for this douchebag to stand in the middle of the still-deserted city that he fully allowed to fall to ruins and make promiseless, vacuous statements should incite mass riots and the recall he so richly deserves. If it happened to Gray Davis...

*John Roberts is the Dakota Fanning-esque face of evil. He doesn't blink. He doesn't answer questions. We know that he must do SOMETHING. I'm petrified to find out what it is, because obviously, we'll all find out too late.

Once again, please forgive me and/or try your best to tolerate me as the changing tides of global events batter me into the grumpiest mood possible. If it wasn't for Renee Zellweger's divorce, I wouldn't have anything to cheer me up at all.

KEVIN.

Poncho Day, take me home...

Doesn't it feel like the world is in chaos? From the the Roberts confirmation hearings (which actually LOOK LIKE an iceberg headed for America... I mean, you can SEE it coming... Truly creepy), which typify the evil in the world, to Massachusetts RE-affirming gay marriage, which equals the goodness in the world, to all the hurricane madness in the South, which points a big finger at the ***assholes*** in charge, etc. etc. etc. ... I mean, it just feels like SO MUCH major stuff is going on that it honestly could be The End of Days. It's a really creepy feeling, I think, to realize that big decisions are being made all around us, one after the other, that are going to impact us for YEARS. Can't things just be a little unimportant for a while?!

Usually, when I'm feeling this melodramatic, I drink.

But not this time. This time, I'm taking solace in a stiffer tonic-- "Martha" on NBC. If one things is allowed to be constant in the epic times we seem to be living in, it's that Martha Stewart is fucking unbelieveable. Now, she's been on for two days, and they've been GOLDEN. From her premiere with Marcia Cross trying in vain to fold a t-shirt to laminating daisies to put on Elmo's lunchbox, this show is like a warm, cuddly blanket of mediocrity, buffering me from a world in turmoil. And yesterday was also Poncho Day. Why? Because ponchos are a good thing. AND THEY ARE.

I don't want to hear about "Brownie" get ousted at FEMA; I want to hear about Martha being in prison and being cut off from the nutmeg she needed for her baked apples.

I don't want to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger devaluing my civil rights; I want to see someone make scrambled eggs, and then serve them back to me IN THE SHELLS.

And so, dear readership... If you need me, I'll be in front of my DVR, with a mug of decaf green tea, watching Martha make blintzes with Susan Lucci, and trying desperately to drown out the noises of the coming apocalypse.

Sincerely,
KEVIN :-)

WHEW!

OK, I feel better now. I'd like to give a big round of applause to Sen. Diane Feinstein for attempting to RIP HIM A NEW ONE. alright, way to step up to the plate.

CNN is giving me high blood pressure

Oh my GOD these Roberts hearings are making me SO nervous.
This man outright refuses to have an opinion on anything, even on what basis he would rule. They're talking about Casey vs. Planned Parenthood and he's bringing up Marbury vs Madison. I can't take it. If I had a dollar for every time he has uttered the pharse "Stare Decisis" in the past hour, I'd be a rich girl. blah blah blah.. "I believe in precedent." He's literally reciting a con law text. Is that what he's supposed to be doing??? Its so frustrating. And nerveracking. I can't take it....

In Absentia

I'm really having a problem keeping up with this blog. I'm sorry. School is a pain this semester, as I have to write my thesis. SIGH.
So I dyed my hair last night. It was supposed to be "meduim golden brown". Having dyed my own hair somewhee in the neighborhood of fifty times, I was fairly certain I knew what I was doing. However, my hair looks neither medium, nor golden brown. It looks Auburn. For years I wanted red hair. Now, all I want is for it to go back to brown and it refuses to comply. Is it so much to ask that I be able to view my natural hair color? ARGH.
In other much better news...the season premiere of Gilmore Girls is tonight. Kevin and Leigh's Sexy-Ass blog is tre excited. I also get my fieldwork assignment today. Please think of me and hope that I am not, as in previous semesters, about to be sent into my own personal version of "Dangerous Minds" (c'mon I know you still remember the words to Gangsta's Paradise...)

When the shirts come marching in.

**HEY EVERYBODY**

So you know how Kate and I are really fun, hilarious people? And you know how Kate is addicted to side projects, and that love rubs off onto me? Well, I have a MAJOR announcement. Kate and I have started a website selling t-shirts, tote bags, and basically anything else that we can slap a pop culture-related logo on. We're called GARMENT LAB (because we conduct mad experiments with pop culture... mixing acids and bases and such), and you should check out our site at www.cafepress.com/garmentlab.

You'll notice a Strong Women series, a Strong Booze series, and what Kate so lovingly calls "The First Women of Assholes" series. Basically, we love liberal politics, ballsy dames, and a stiff drink. Christmas is coming, and so are numerous birthdays. For example, Gwyneth Paltrow's is September 27th. What are you going to get her? How about a hoodie that calls Lynne Cheney a hobgoblin? That would be the caring gift.Anyway, it would much appreciated if any and all blog fans would spread the word. Cmon, guys! We can take down the man, empower women, get fucked up, *AND* make Kate & Kevin all-powerful liberal media moguls, too.

Thanks so much!! By the way, none of you get free shirts.

KEVIN, KATE & GARMENT LAB

PS- Speaking of liberal politics, Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog officially endorses C. Virginia Fields in the New York City Democratic Mayoral Primary.

PPS- Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog also officially endorses former First-Rooster Barbara Bush for Greatest Ass-Bitch of All Time.

I think this picture can pretty much sum up why "Fatal Attraction" was the theatrical event of the summer, no? 

KEVIN AND LEIGH WENT TO EUROPE AND ALL YOU GOT WAS THIS CRAPPY PHOTO COLLAGE! 

Get On The Bus

Can anyone tell me what "Oprah's Wildest Dream Bus" is? I'm beyond fascinated. Like, I kind of want to make a low budget indie horror movie about people getting on "Oprah's Wildest Dream Bus," only their wildest dreams turn out to be, you know, not what they bargained for. Like a Steven King novel. And then at the end, Oprah gets on her own "Oprah's Wildest Dream Bus." What should she get- Ham? More power? Same thing?

I am the WORST blogger ever

Um, def forgot I even had a blog. I'm horrible. Sorry Kids. Shout out to the Red Sox biggest fan Alex(a) (yes, she has 2 names) for reminding me of my duties. The following things have happened since last I blogged:

• Kevin and I went to Europe. Highlights included: Paris's biggest gay discoteque, rowing a boat on a lake in the middle of Versailles, paddling a boat in Lake Geneva, "Billy Elliot" the musical in London, (which includes a number entitled "Merry Christmas Maggie Thatcher"), french cheese in general, a euro-snackfood known as "monstermash", convincing a drunk man Kevin and I were husband and wife,constantly boarding cross-country trains filled with babies, abusing mike in general, spending fifty euros in the bar car of the Eurostar, and last, but most def. not least : seeing Kevin's face at the top of the Eiffel tower.
  
• I got to see Fatal Attraction: A Greek Trajedy not once, but twice. Kate Wilkinson and Alana McNair and evil geniouses in the manner of Wylie Coyote. My love for their theatrical masterpiece is endless. Here's hoping for a revival.
• I went to Provincetown. If you live in New York: put Christopher St. on water and make everyone more tan. If you live in DC: put Dupont on water and make everyone more more tan. Add approx 100,000 dogs, many in hats and costumes.
  
• The Capitol Lounge burnt down. Please offer your condolences to this Hill institution. Pity the people who have to spend their hard on money on beers in the caverns of the Hawk& Dove from now on.
• Mike and Laura become Lord and Lady of the Manor on R st. Seriously, its the largest most posh apartment I've ever seen. I've reserved the right to become their unwanted guest on a frequent basis
• Um....Crazy ass hurricane. It better not interfere with my ability to get to Montauk on Friday. I neeeed to sit on the beach and eat Mr. John's pancake house. stat. I'd like to point out that The Daily News actually used the headline "KATRINA AND THE WAVES" Amazing.
  

Diagnosis: Liza

Michael Jackson and Lindsay Lohan have nothing on me. They can feign illness all they like to avoid molestation trials, concert dates, movie premieres, etc. BUT I AM THE REAL THING, having caught "the vapors" on the subway yesterday while headed to work. Yes, the ever-reliable author of this fine blog collapsed on the N/R platform -and- on the train itself. After a short stint in the emergency room, the official verdict was (well, a virus, but as a result of said virus...) DEHYDRATION AND VERTIGO. I'm Liza!! I'm Liza!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a glamorous Monday, to say nothing on lying on the couch and watching Juliette Prowse in "The Muppet Show." YOWZA.

:-)

DollyWigMania

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Whoops- Almost forgot... Because I KNOW she's reading this.

Happy Birthday, Madonna.

bo do do da

The authors of the blog went to Europe, had a ball, came home like a week ago, and haven't written a damn thing since. I'd considered not even mentioning Paris/Geneva/London, but that seemed too cruel. Anyway, it was THE BEST.

That's all. XOXO

I Listen To The Songs The Whole World Sings

So Here's 25 from MY ipod. First I feel the need to address something my title reminded me of...which is that my high school music teacher attended John Denver's Funeral. ( I realize that I was usuing a Barry Manilow title, but somehow the two are the same in my mind) Random and true. Ok, here goes...

1. "Farewell Ride" Beck
I'm a huge fan of this album. Yeah, I jumped on that bandwagon.

2. "All Kinds of Time" Fountains of Wayne
This is prob. my least favorite song on this album. It's a bit whiney. Also forgetting the lyrics to your own song while live on stage will def not endear me to your band.

3. "I'm Real" Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule
Part of me would like to lie and say this song wasn't on my ipod. However anyone who attended college with me knows that Leigh + 4-6 fermented beverages+this song=magic.

4. "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" Ben Folds Five
I Love this album. Its a good thing Ben Folds is good on this own or I'd be mad this group no longer exists.

4. "Justify My Love" Madonna
Ok, anyone could have seen that coming

5. "Eskimo" Damien Rice
Senisitive men singing. My speciality.

6. "Like a Feather" Nikka Costa
The first time I heard this song Mike and I were on our first playdate to Jones beach.

7. "Shooting Star" Elliot Smith
See number 5.

8. "Hammer to Fall" Queen
Does anyone else's ipod develop obsessions? Mine does...

9. "Have a Nice Day" Sterophonics
mmm. The Entire NOW 49: UK Edition is PERFECT

10. "Summertime" Miles Davis
Yeah. Typical study music.

11. "Romeo" Basement Jaxx
I have not heard this song in a good 3 years.

12. "Smile Like You Mean It" The Killers
Ok, wait, this is becoming a good list! My ipod is never this cooperative

13. "I'm Your Destiny" Edna's Goldfish
Long Island Ska. Yeah high school!

14. "My Sharona" The Knack
Dirty,Dirty Song.

15. "Slave" Weezer
Haven't heard this in awhile either...

16. "A Hard Day's Night" The Beatles
I am my mother's daughter.

17. "Fire" Jimi Hendrix
One of 3 Cds I had while driving across Ireland.

18. "Silent Night" John Denver & The Muppets
well, now hes just mad at me for equating him with Barry Manilow.

19. "Parallel Universe" Red Hot Chilli Peppers
fantastic driving music.

20. "Laura" Scissor Sisters
Thank you kevin!

21. "Rock Your Body" Justin Timberlake.
yummy.

22. "Never Know" Jack Johnson
I need to make my way through this album I guess.

23. "Una Musica Brutal" Gotan Project
Argentinian Trendiness!

24. "Heavy Things" Phish
I equate this song with living in a trailer. And that's not a bad thing.

25. "The Answer" Joe Iconis
Well, there you go. What an appropriate ending. I'm fairly certian that when I finally see this song performed live I'm going to burst into tears for varying reasons. Joe might be an absentee friend, but he can write songs!

music cool rock awesome

There's what one should do and there's what one will do.

I should write something about John G. Roberts, the Stepford nominee for the Supreme Court. He terrifies the tits off of me with his "good ol' boy" veneer and sinister eyes. I'm positive that he'll be my undoing. So I should write something about that. But I won't.

What I will do is bow to the pressures of the Interweb. On various blogs lately, people have been recording the first 25 songs that come on the shuffle on their iPods. Is it character analysis? Probably. It at least gives you some idea into who a person is. So here's mine. This is in no way edited or reordered. I'm an honest lady, sometimes. Always when m'Pod is concerned. I think this is fun.

(1) "River Deep, Mountain High"- Tina Turner
Hhhhmm. Odd. Rag doll. Ha ha. Oh, she rocks. Fun. It stills makes me SO mad that Angela Bassett didn't win an Oscar.

(2) "Dracula's Wedding"- Outkast
"I wait my whole life to bite the right one, and then you come along and it freaks me out." Poetry.

(3) "You Can't Win"- The Garden City High School production of 'The Wiz'
This was the best high school show ever. It had trannies, ugly girls, and Chris Malito.

(4) "Red Headed Stranger"- Willie Nelson
I frickin' adore Willie Nelson. It's gross that he's reduced to cavorting with Jessica Simpson. Is she divorced yet?

(5) "Time of the Preacher"- Willie Nelson
Willie Nelson double header!! This is actually my favorite Willie song. It's really chill and sweet.

(6) "If She Knew What She Wants"- The Bangles
Finally! Oh, I love this song. Susanna Hoffs, sing me a dream. Noted theatrical composer Joe Iconis is also a fan of this song. Just FYI.

(7) "Mountain Angel"- Dolly Parton
Oh god, this songs is so sad. Oh jesus. I'm seeing Dolly August 18th at Radio City. She has one of the best voices in American music, but in my opinion (as someone who could analyze her for hours), she's at her best when she's totally just whispering. "She was a mountain angel... certified." The chorus of this song is a musical orgasm. AND JUST ONE MORE RANT- She rhymes "baby died" with "Devil's child." Pure genius.

(8) "Room on the 3rd Floor"- McFly
I'll never forgive Joe Iconis for making me know who these assholes are. Nor will I ever forgive Kate Wilkinson for making me love them via her own infectious appreciation. Their cover of "Build Me Up Buttercup" is pop madness.

(9) "Love Is Really My Game"- Brainstorm
Aaahh, the '54' soundtrack. God bless you. Every night I think about staying home, but then I come to my senses and give myself a good kick in the ass.

(10) "It's So Easy"- Velvet Revolver
I'm positive that I've never heard this song before. Is this live?! God, I have too much stuff on here. I'll never hear it all. Wow. This IS live. Bizarre. Oh. What a good song. It's actually incomprehensible.

(11) "Sharp Darts"- The Streets
So good. So, so good. So smart. Much like the titular darts, so sharp.

(12) "Brand New Lover"- Dead or Alive
Honestly, I can't believe an 80's resurgence didn't happen sooner. 80's pop is perfection. SuperCamp.

(13) "On the Road Again"- Willie Nelson
Ok, I so don't have that many Willie Nelson songs on my iPod, so it's weird that he's surfaced three times. Maybe he's trying to send me a message. Yes Willie, I will meet you at the Beverly Wilshire with a gun. (Sidenote: This song was nominated for an Oscar. Fun fact.)

(14) "The Movin' Uptown Blues"- The Wild Party (Broadway cast recording)
Oh, showtunes. The hit or miss factor of any shuffle session. MISS.

(15) "Any Way You Want It"- Journey
Ohhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy gooooooooooooooooooooood I love Journey!! August 28th at Jones Beach. I'm not going. It breaks me. This is the best song to never be sung by Corey Feldman.

(16) "I Won't Ever Be Happy Again"- Bright Eyes
I don't get the whole Bright Eyes thing. I downloaded a bunch of his shit, and I thought I'd get into it, but quite the opposite.

(17) "Indian Sunset"- Elton John
What a fucking bizarre song. Eltie, I adore you. J'adore. But quit being creepy. I always skip this song on this album (Madman... my 2nd favorite Eltie album, after Tumbleweed Connection). Gimme "All The Nasties" already. Shee-it.

(18) "Diamonds and Roses"- Bette Midler w/ Dolly Parton
There is a God. That's all this song makes me think. Two such perfect creatures couldn't exits without divine guidance. THESE VOICES. Oooooohhh.

(19) "One Night Stand"- Janis Joplin
So soulful. It kills me. I swear to god, she belts some notes, and you'd think she was a Broadway singer.

(20) "Hash Pipe"- Weezer
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes

(21) "No You Don't"- Sweet
From the folks that brought you "Ballroom Blitz"- anarchic 80's thrash nonsense.

(22) "Wild Flowers"- Ryan Adams
Oddly enough, I think the two artists most represented on my iPod are Dolly and Ryan Adams. I mean, he's just so good. His voice is brilliant.

(23) "Wig in a Box"- Polyphonic Spree
Trippy.

(24) "Haiti"- Arcade Fire
Again, I don't think I know this song. It's REAL good, though.

(25) "Nashville to Kentucky"- My Morning Jacket
Good, solid, depressing song. My kind of shit. Maybe a little too emo, but it's not terminal.

One more for good measure:
(26) "Bend"- Shelby Lynne
Oh, good girl. GOOD GIRL. I've been re-obsessed with her lately. Her voice is for serious edged with razors and whiskey.

So that's it. That's Kevin Manganaro in 25 songs. Good times, right?? YEAH!

:-)

"Candy doesn't have a point. That's why it's candy."

I wanted to write something about this New York Times article, which infuriates me and quite frankly made me cry a little.

I wanted to write about my impending trip to Europe.

I wanted to write about "Fatal Attraction" taking New York by storm.

But I can't. All I can say is how deeply I was moved and how emphatically I was entertained by "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory." As far as 2005 movies go, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" was fantasticly fun, "Sin City" was brilliant and gritty, and "Rize" was eye-opening in about 900 different ways. But this. BUT THIS. I am OBSESSED with this movie.

The scenes with Charlie (that dreadful little shit with Finding Neverland, who's actually unspeakably perfect in this movie) and his family (Noah Taylor & Helen Bonham Carter are his parents!!) are so simply done- by Tim Burton standards- and so touching... Kate and I were literally moved to tears. This movie has so much heart with the home scenes, and then it takes such a genuine glee in torturing the other kids in the factory scenes, which have this insane, playful menace... Like David LaChapelle directing "Shockheaded Peter."

And then, Mr. Depp. Mr. Depp. Oh god. I love this man beyond words. He's... I... Oh my god. I could scream. And I did. And I have. He's so funny. Oh my god. Why I bristle to say that any performance is ever better than Captain Jack Sparrow, I think this might be it.

I just... I need to go... I'm going to start crying again... "I wouldn't trade my family for anything, Mr. Wonka. Not for all the chocolate in the world."

Pretty In Pimp. 

I LOVE BABS WILKINSON. 

As long as we're putting up amazing pictures. 

Oy. 

Boogers...

...is a really funny word.

Today (7/13) is the birthday of Sara Fitzbirthday, #1 fan of this blog, so HOLLA to her. She's probably... 23, 24 or so? I'm not sure. She's ageless, timeless, and flawless, so who can tell?

Also- and I keep forgetting- I need to post a picture of Joe Drunkonis with a certain Goonie we know. It's a masterpiece of detail and gooeyness.

Obsession du jour- "Rize." No really. Go see. BRILLIANT movie. Unbelieveable.

Days until Kevin and Leigh take a European hiatus: SIXTEEN. This is so sick. Ugh. Unprepared.

More later. Ciao!
:-)

Jake Blues Somerville 1993-2005 

In Memoriam

I'm officially in mourning. Im so sad I don't even have words.
I realize to some people it might not make sense to get hysterical at the loss of a pet, but to those people I say, I'm sorry you never had a pet to love.
Jake was by far the best dog I could have asked for. For 12 years, he was an amazing companion. If you know me, you know how much I cared for this dog, and I know it was mutual. He loved me so much that when I was in New York, he would sleep curled up against my bedroom door at night. I would wake up and see his fur peaking out from underneath it.
Ok I'm crying now.
I love you Jakers.

3 Day Weekends are THE BEST

Not sure how everyone else celebrated our independence, but I chose to spend my weekend drowning in mimosas. SIDEBAR: while watching Labyrinth I realized just how scary David Bowie's package is when presented in a unitard. No amount of muppets, not even Jennifer Connelly's eyebrows can distract from it, tis Truly terrifying. Goblin King indeed.
Last night, after the most traditional 4th of July EVER (baseball game+ BBQ complete with wiffleball and Bocce) as I was sitting on the mall and watching fireworks over the Washington monument and listening to the NSO with Gloria Estefan,I was hearing those around me say things like "beautiful" and "amazing" and I was thinking, "I miss Henry street" I'm sorry. I don't think any 4th of July will ever be better than being on a Brooklyn rooftop and truly appreciating New York. (shout out to Bobby DeNiro for the downtown fireworks extravaganza of '03. Thanks.) Also I can't even wait to see Fatal Attraction, the ocean or my dogs. Speaking of Labyrinths, can you please picture Kevin and I traipsing around Versailles? Ohhh. We're totally going to need matching parasols....

Half of 2005 is officially over.

WHAT A TERRIFYING FACT!! Happy July, at any rate.

Let's assess what Summer '05 has done for us lately:

(1) Brooke Shields v. Tom Cruise is epic. And curiously ongoing. Like, I love Brooke Shields. Despite being perpetually mired in mediocrity, she's a flippin' genius in "Freeway," so bless her beautiful hide. Tom Cruise, I ain't seen your weirdo alien movie yet, but you fucking suck. Shut the fuck up. Jaysus.

(2) Sandra Day O'Connor is hightailing it out of the Supreme Court to care for her Alzheimers-ridden husband. Romantic, perhaps? A real-life "Iris" (wherein she's Jim Broadbent... delightful)? Well, the country's going to suffer for the loss of such a cool chick, who, while not always correct on the issues before her, was a hell of a lot better than the rest of them. Ruth Bader Ginsberg? Jesus Christ, fucking useless. Anyway, I'd like to nominate Christina Applegate for Supreme Court justice. She'd be entirely winning, and it would give her a chance to rest her foot.

(3) Fatal Attraction: A Greek Tragedy (www.fatalattractiontheplay.com) starts previews tonight. This is something the summer's done RIGHT. Very right. I'll say no more... Just that it's a fucking milestone in American culture.

(4) WHY IS IT SO HUMID?! I'm so unhappy. 2005, you fucking blow.

(5) I haven't been the beach enough. I'm pallid.

(6) I'm going to France in four weeks (LESS!), and I'm completely unequipped to deal. I'm talking in terms of luggage, to say nothing of language skills.

Today's two rants:
*Beck's "Girl" (on Guero) is a fantastic song. Fun and bouncy for summer.
*You know who really doesn't get the respect she deserves? Delta Burke. When you really look at it, Suzanne Sugarbaker is one of the great creations in TV history. I'm takin along the lines of Lucy Ricardo, Marge Simpson, and Tony Soprano. Genius. Anyway, she doesn't get props for her skills is all I'm saying.

KEVIN, fatally.

back

Oh my god. I've been away from this frickin' god damn thing forever. I hope I was missed because SO MUCH has gone down, and truly, it's too much to even process. So if you're hoping to hear about Fatal Attraction/CF news, Mike getting mugged in Paris, Gay Pride '05, or even the fact that I think I might have lost two pounds, you are VERY wrong. I don't have time to talk about all this shit. Life is busy. I have roomates to encourage (not that she needs any help from me, lord knows) and minor theatrical celebrities to interview.

I just wanted you all to know that I am aware of being a blog failure. Vilify me if you will. I probably deserve it. But maybe I can go to Canada and get gay married, so fuck off.

A sheepish KEVIN MANGANARO :-)

"We're going to miss you like carbs!"

I'm rediscovering my love for the fab five. Mostly because of the following lines: "I met the love of my life in the hamptons- you know, out east?" (more people should incorporate the pharse "out east" into their vernacular) and, Jai "OK, now I KNOW we're on long island, because LOOK how many bottles of cologne he has!" Ahhhhh strong island. I'll land in the middle of you soon enough. In related news, my Nassau County Leisure Passport expired today. Aside from my birth certicate, I officially no longer have any documentation linking me to the state of New York, and I can't swim at the aquatic center at Eisenhower Park. SIGH.

T-Coast @ Stephanie and Nick's... 

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day! (Esp. to my dear dad, who loves me even though i only eat 15 foods, i cant do long division, I almost failed high school chemistry, i crashed my car into a ditch...etc. etc. What a guy!) I spent weekend doing absolutly nothing, and it was blissful.
OF NOTE:
I totally saw Matthew Lesko on the mall. (he's the crazy guy in the question-mark suits who runs away from cops in his commericals where he hawks books and yells about FREE MONEY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!! you know what im talking about.) anyway, he was also on the cover of the city paper this week. random
the best restaurant ever opened on capitol hill. Just incase anyone in DC is reading this, and looking for classy pizza and a wine bar... www.sonomadc.com
A place that allows servers to wear LaCoste Polos and serves french toast with Grand Marnier is clearly a winner in my book
I'm also waiting impatiently for Mara to read The Washingtonine so I can read about bars that I frequent. sigh...

Queer Liberation, MTV style.

OK, so Room Raiders. You all know Room Raiders, right? For the uninitiated, it's structured as follows: one guy/girl has three potential girls/guys to choose from, and he/she must decide which one to date not based on photos or anything, but by rifling through their rooms. And the three girls/guys watch from the back of a van (randomly) and comment.

This show being on MTV, one of the following scenarios usually arises:
1) Some chick is going through a guy's room, she lays on his bed, and the guys in the van are like "Hell YES, son!" or something typically boy-esque.
2) A guy is going through a girl's room and goes right to the pantie drawer. That's right- PANTIES.
3) Kevin is amused, but his estimation of the human race is lowered a little bit.

OK, so I'm sitting here, "running lines" with Kate (ie- angrily eating celery) when I discover a LESBIAN EPISODE OF ROOM RAIDERS. This girl (something that starts with an N... Natalie? Nadine? Norma?)- a blonde (ha), taut little critter is scouring rooms while three girls (one who looks like Laurel Jacobsen, one who looks like a preppy Uma Thurman, and one... other one), and this happens: "N" finds handcuffs on Preppy Uma's bed, chains herself to it, and- MTV being softcore porn- writhes around or some shit. Newport Uma says, "DAY-UMN! Don't move! I'll be there in 10 minutes!"

ALSO- "Lesbian pile." I'm amazed.

ALSO- "N" is looking through one of the rooms, she finds a frilly top, and says, "So... you must be pretty girlie." The corresponding lezzie says, "I may be femme on the streets, but I'm butch on the sheets." Kevin screams and makes Kate call Alana.

ALSO- Lesbian Room Raiders also opens the door to the 3 chicks in the van just giving up and making out.

BOTTOM LINE- I just find it wildly heartening that a gay room raiders makes everyone involved look as completely deplorable and repugnant as their straight counterparts. When gays have the equal right to look like complete, fucking morons, can marriage be far behind?

KEVIN, with Pride :-)

PS- Ha ha. There's an ad for Dukes of Hazzard on, and it really does make me laugh when Jessica Simpson says, "Something's bounced up into my undercarriage." Ha.

gay band

Anyone who's anyone is checking out the brand new www.ladystein.com
Are you anyone? Are you?

It's not malignant. It's B9.

I'm not all that up-in-arms about the MJ verdict, ya know? He probably crossed the line with some kids, but it's not like he's mentally responsible. He's a retard, basically, right? And, as always, it makes my blood boil to see a trial about CHILD ABUSE that doesn't implicate Joe and Katharine Jackson. Two more grotesque monsters never lived.

If you ARE a Jackson Trial afficionado (as I am), I think you'll enjoy this Slate article recounting some testimony that makes life at Neverland seem even more truly, truly unambiguously bizarre than you're imagining: http://slate.com/id/2117900/

New Yorkers, get your torches (I know you have torches... hello, blackout)- We need to BURN DOWN The Post and The Daily News. BOTH of them had the headline of "Boy, Oh Boy" today. I mean, (a) LACK OF CREATIVITY and (b) Fuck you, call it SMOOTH CRIMINAL. Jesus. Assholes.

Luckily for of you who don't share my obsession with "The Teflon Molestor," there are happier things in life to focus on: Karaoke and Bingo.

TDI Karaoke: Part Deux/TDI Karaoke Srikes Back was a complete delight. Actually, the best description for it would probably be "medical miracle," since that much vodka combined with that much "Shiny Happy People" usually creates an explosion. I teetered through "Total Eclipse" with Dylan soundalike Matt Kupchin bringing a shocking intensity to the song. And, of course, McRock is there to, you know, actually add some musicality to it. Thanks for your lovely senses of melody and pitch, chick! Of course, no karaoke night ends without me having dipped waaaaaaaaay too far into Drunk Kevin, but that's the way it plays, right?

(Special props to Sara FitzHudson for proving that decadent, 70's-glam entrances have NOT died out.)

Oh god. Bingo. I'm sorry, but when asked if you want to spend Monday boozin' and bingoi', just say yes, because hurricanes, femme bingo callers, and The T Formation are now three of my favorite things. Uuumm... So I totally won bingo, and I'm totally wearing a tshirt right now that tells the world all about it. GREAT TIMES.

God, this is long. Sorry everybody! Hope all is well.
KEVIN, longwindedly.

SMOOTH CRIMINAL

MUCH more on this to follow, but I have never in all my life felt so bad for the one-two punch of Robert Downey Jr. and Martha Stewart. How can they, paragons of their respective fields, NOT be privvy to the separate justice afforded to MJ, Robert Blake, and OJ Frickin' Simpson? If Martha Stewart can't whip up a favorable outcome as easily as she can a tartful of creme freche, then maybe America isn't for me after all.

Ciao, suckers~
KEVIN, expatriotically.

Blame it on the Summer Nights

In the mind of Kevin Manganaro, frought with body image issues and cartoon daisies, summer has always been four long months of ennui. I mean, when one is a beach paton, one is expected to show some skin. And a GAY male beach patron? Forget it. Field Six is all I have to say. But not I. I'm too demure (read: self-conscious... Can I play it off as old-fasioned girlishness? Nah. That stops being cute when you're nearing the big 2-4). But Summer '05 is going to be a BALLS OUT summer. I am going to the beach as often as possible (Montauk, preferably... aahh, sweet sandy privilege), and I will fucking love it. SUMMER ANTHEM! WHOO!

Anyway, yes Leigh... The Killers rule. Brendan Flowers is, I think, the best frontman since Jagger. He's ALL SEX. I mean... G'DAMN, lord knows the flaming little nypmh-like sprite of a boy behind me had enough trouble keeping it in his pants during the Summerstage blowout. BFlow (as I plan to rename him) is just like... The hottest. He is Mr. Sex.

Leigh and I would like to take a moment to tip our hats to the great Anne Bancroft, whose passing will always add an extra touch of pathos to our favorite ABanc (sigh, it doesn't work for everyone) vehicle, Jodie Foster's brilliant "Home For The Holidays." I may be wrong, but I think it's the first movie that combined my love of outlandish wigs with my love of the word "Cocksucker" heatedly delivered after one has been slathered in turkey. Please correct me if I'm mistaken.

Oh gosh- TDI Karaoke: Part Deux/TDI Karaoke Strikes Back swings for the fences starting tomorrow at 8:00. I'm not sure if Sara Fitzpopstar is going to pry herself away from thirsty boozehounds (Not that I would know anything about such persons), but Matt "The Voice" Kupchin may... just may... have.... something... to offer.... :-)

MUST-SEE ITEM OF THE DAY: Liza Minnelli singing "We Are The Champions" as part of a Freddie Mercury tribute that aired on Ovation this past weekend. It's... uuumm.... Fangs.

El Deseo presento,
KEVIN :-)

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

So, Kevin and I both got to experience The Killers live this week. (He in central park, I in the middle of Maryland) I say, A's all around. My favorite was "All these things that I've done" I just adore that song. I swear that eye makeup loving mormon is channeling Queen at times- and I like it. Added bonus- Keane. In the grand tradition of every show I ever go to, I will now invest in the CD, then like the band and want to see them, because I saw them live. the poor Brits clearly had no clue of geography, as the lead singer screamed "Hello COLUMBIA!" atleast 5 times. Columbia, MD = 1/2 way between DC and Baltimore, aka the middle of NO WHERE. amusing. Whatever, bottomline I'm a sucker for accents. It was a damn good show. Kevin, I look foward to drunk dancing to this music with you in gazebo in circa 5 weeks. THRILLING. Also, wow. we really need start learning some french huh?

"You could totally bounce a quarter off that ass"

Another week, another weekend of debauchery. Time to reflect of the gallons of alcohol consumed and the friends who were there to view the damage. In Brief: drunkeness, ice cream as a meal, olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis, (and his afforementioned ass) more drunkeness, festival featuring falafel, more ice cream as a meal. I know. You're jealous. It occurred to me that while I often mention the coast, no one's seen the people who have the pleasure of my company each day. Please enjoy the following photos,which offer drunken friends, roomates, and the T-Coast all stars:

Just so you're clear where this evening is going... 

this is beyond blurry, but for those don't sprechen sie deutsch, the basement of this bar is, infact the shit house. case closed. 

Laura's having a good time! I'm on crack! 

So, I don't actually have words to describe Dennis. We can often be found yelling at each other, drunk or sober.  

me and Liz. Liz has fab earrings, and is also in charge of me 

Nick and Stephanie. Nick doesn't usually look like he's scared he's about to die- unless you show him ketchup.  

dear sweet george. george took no less than 15 photos of himself on mara's camera. he also has some sort of blog on gay.com. address to follow. we always support fellow bloggers! 

Stand By Your Pants

MUST SEE: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Oh my god. SO CUTE, such a gem. This is the kind of movie I would love anyway, but this one actually is GOOD. It actually manages to be original in the hypergigasaturated "slutty-dressing, virgin-remaining, Duff-listening-to tween girl market." That's not easy, folks. Granted, there is a subplot involving a terminally ill 12 year old that screams Pay It Forward (or, as David Edelstein so memorably called it, "Bitch Slapped By An Angel").

Anyway, I'm obsessed. The breakdown is like this... America Ferara= The overweight, Hispanic child of divorce. Amber Tamblyn= the blue-haired "rebel," wannabe filmmaker. Blake Lively is the blonde superathlete who sublimates her pain into flings with boys. And Alexis Bledel= Rory Gilmore. Always. Now and forever. She will RIDE that horse until its legs give out, and god bless her for it. So who among my friends is which character?

KATE seems very Tamblyn on the surface, all weird hair and digicams. But she wouldn't be half as nice to a needy child. And her blue would be better.

MIKE seems tailor made for Ferara's role. He has weight issues (I mean, he DOESN'T- he's rail thin, but whatever), is ethnically... something, and gets the best notices in the Times. But there's one scene where Ferara throws her bridesmaid gown on the floor, and I KNOW that Mike would never treat a frock that way.

KATIE MCGRATH seems the most like Lively- She's a leggy blonde, a star athlete, and... Well yeah. There ya go. That makes sense.

I, KEVIN MANGANARO seem the most likely to be Bledel. That is, I'm pretty sure I'm scheduled to find forbidden love in a foreign country over the summer (I'm lookin at you, Chunnel!). I'm also the most likely to be in DIRE need of eye makeup. But at the same time, Bledel is THIN. She is The Thin Man. Like... She's Shoah thin. So... Make your own decisions.

OTHER- Yes, props to Kate/Alana for the show's first press shout-out (HELLO! Landmark!) in Time Out NY, even if it's a little loosey goosey with some facts. I mean... Meh. Whatever- You see, the main point is that what's good for the show is good for Kate, and what's good for Kate is good for Kate being busy and out of our house. Which is good for me obsessively watching porn and scrubbing the oven.

QUOTE TO LIVE BY- "The shrimp that sleeps gets carried away by a cocktail."- The Mambo Kings

I'm checkin' out.
KEVIN :-)

ok, WOW. Kevin is really lapping me in the blog posting dept.

But that's Okay! I posted pictures! The moral of memorial Day '05 ,Ladies and Germs was the following: If you take dramamine before you go sailing, don't drink mojitos! I had a lovely weekend of sailing, (thanks matty!) drinking, bbq, and hotub. 'Twas perfection. ALSO: congrats to kate and alana! yay press Happy Bday to Siobhan: everyone's favorite pediatric nurse, and last, but def. not least; three cheers for Montauk! (please, no margarita in a bucket though, we all know how that story ends.... L

UM....keep me away from things that come in husks? 

A fine BBQ of corn, pina colada, steak sauce and cigarette. That crazy gayrab 

Yeah, I def took this picture AFTER the mojitos 

Sailing with the roomies 

Happy Memorial Day

HEY EVERYBODY- Wahooooooooooooooooooo!! Kickoff to summer! WHEEEEEEEEE!
Oh my god. Beach season is upon us. Montauk, here I come. I am SO ready for it, especially since I've just been notified that a certain red-headed Emmy winner is to be the new neighbor.
Can I go, like, EVERY weekend? We'll find out, won't we? GAZEBO, HERE I COME.

Anycrap... This weekend, for me, has been a sea of: cocktails, Jane Fonda, outdoor walks, sketchy Brooklyn, novelty t-shirts, "The Pop Room," and roller skating. Oh, and sailors. DO NOT forget the sailors!! Hollaaaaaaaa.

I don't get that show Laguna Beach... Is it scripted or not?

QUOTE OF THE DAY- "It's so hard to find peace and quiet anymore... you know, since the Industrial Revolution." HA HA.... Oh, fuck you. It's funnier when Ellen Degeneres says it.

Uh huh. This my shit.
KEVIN :-)

Chemical Dependency Friday

Memorial Day Weekend is here!! YEAH!! Freedom- Gotta love it. That's a nice idea, but too bad that I'm not free. I'm FAR from free. I have developed three very serious, very nagging addictions that will likely consume my sanity before May is over. They are, in suspense-filled countdown order:

#3- CHRISTINA APPLEGATE

I'm addicted to her like: Poppers.

I don't know what seals the deal more- the fact that she's the most gifted star from another medium to come to Broadway maybe ever, or the fact that people seems to genuinely dislike her. I mean, Denzel? Fuck off. Billy Crystal? Blow me, jerkwad. This chick RULES, and she is totally the real deal. I can't even imagine how many times I clutched or punched poor Mike, who sat next to me and absorbed all my excess appreciation. She sings like a pro, she dances like a dream, and she builds such a CHARACTER. Anyone who doesn't love her, or tries to give the Tony to anyone else can just die. For true.

#2- 70's Soft Piano Rock

I'm addicted to it like: Box Wine.

This is specifically referring to Laura Nyro, who I discovered when our friend Princess gave Kate a CD for her birthday. She wrote "Wedding Bell Blues," so I have no idea why she's not on Mount Rushmore or better. That's SO much better than freeing the slaves, or fathering children by them, or whatever those guys did who are on it now. Anyway- She rocks. "Sweet Blindness" is pure 70's easy listening magic. This has led me back to Carole King, of course, which has led me back to memories of summer night spent grass-high in the back of a VW van. Oh... Wait. I wasn't even born in the 70's. GOD DAMN FUCKIN TIMELINES.

#1- The Season Finale of Lost

I'm addicted to it like: Coffee

Coffee. Yes, coffee. It's like a jolt of caffeinated elecricity. This show has redefined "cliffhanger," by not only leaving and deepening the existing mysteries, but adding new ones!! So if I'm ever stranded on a mysterious island, I'll know to watch out for baby-snatching French weirdos, invisible monsters that may or may not make noises similar to ferris wheels, and sinister fishermen who want to steal my magical black baby. All this and Bob Marley references. No wonder I've been glued (literally... ow) to the ABC message boards since Wednesday. OH ALSO- If anyone has any ideas about the significance of the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42, let me knoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.

So that's my life right now. Hopefully, I'll resolve some of the above issues this weekend. Not likely. ABC's re-broadcasting the Lost finale, and "Big Spender" is bound to come on my iPod's truffle shuffle. Oy. Oh well.

:-)

SEASON FINALE ROUND-UP

Wednesday, May 25th is a day of several milestones:
a) I'm REALLY nauseous.
b) It's rainy.
c) Ismail Merchant died. HOW SAD! I loved his gay, gay, costumey, costumey movies.
-but mainly-
d) Lost has its finale tonight.

In celebration of Lost, which I think by anyone's account is a balls-the-the-fourth-wall AWESOME serial drama, taking its summer vacation after tonight's show, let's take a look of some of this season's rockingest Season Finales....

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES- As someone who was famously (and audibly!) fed-up with this show, which reeeeeeeeaally took a prominent dive after their last well-written episode (the one where Bree's son was neckin' nekkid in the pool with that kid), even I need to admit that the finale kicked ass. I mean, everyone saw all of Mary Alice's secrets coming, but it was still cool to see (Brenda Strong rules, right?). Mike kidnapping Paul, and then letting him live? Fascinating. Susan being held hostage by a now-unhinged Zach/Dana? Cliffhanger-fabulous! Gabrielle perjuring herself at her husband's trial? Lame. (I'm sorry, it was lame.) Rex DYING??? Although, who says he really died? A very strong assertion among my coworkers is that he faked his death to try and frame Bree for poisoning him (or so he thinks). But- oh my jeebus- THE best plotline for next season is Lynette going back to work. Felicity Huffman completely rules. I'm so happy. And Alfre Woodard!! New secrets!! BLACK SECRETS!!
GRADE (out of 10): 8

THE O.C.- Kate has to force me to watch this show, because even though I honestly do love it, I always forget that I do. It doesn't last all week. Thursday roles around, and I'm like "Uuuugghh... Do I have to watch The O.C. agaaaaaaiiinn?" Luckily, though, the finale ruled hard enough to keep me rivited all summer long. Now, they did this last year as well, with Seth sailing off to escape his home life, but NOW! Now Marissa Cooper is a mankiller! I mean, this is SO much cooler than her being a lesbian. Clearly, though, Trey won't really be dead. He'll be in a coma, and then he'll wake up at an inopportune moment next season. (sigh) What a jerkhole. But yeah, GREAT closing scene, with the gunshot and the slow-mo bleeding, and THAT MUSIC! Can anyone tell me who that was singing? It was like Death By Emo. And then did they try to tell me that it was Ryan Adams?? Puzzling.
GRADE (out of 10): A surprisingly high 8

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE- I know that it's not really a season finale, but they call it that, so I feel free to judge it. A surprisingly sexless Lindsay Lohan (maybe cuz she starved her boobs away???) mad me super-angry. She wasn't even funny in easy sketches like Prince Show. She was OK in the America's Next Top Model sketch, but Maya Rudolph is just such a flippin' genius that everyone else look handicapped. And, as always, Coldplay makes my skin crawl.
GRADE (out of 10): A disappointed 3.

GILMORE GIRLS- I don't know what to say. I don't know how to begin, even. Over this past year, this show has brought me infinite happiness. I have such genuine affection for Lauren Graham, it's like she's my 2nd roomate (one that I actually like!). This episode BROKE. MY. HEART. When Richard and Emily turned on Lorelai, siding with Rory about quitting Yale, I mean... I... I wanted to cry. I'll even forgive Tivo for murdering those last moments because when I finally did see them, IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. (swoon)
GRADE (out of 10): 75

And so I have the highest expectations for Lost. They have a lot to work with- scheming Korean wife, creepy French survivalist, haunted black boy, shirtless Sawyer, haunted overweight hispanic with a penchant for numbers... IT'S ALL SO COOL. And that hatch... that hatch...

:-)

I've neglected this blog, almost as if it were a baby I left on top of a car in the parking lot and then drove away. Or, worse yet, a latte.

Did you ever have one of those fortnights where you totally forget that you have a blog, and then Sara Fitzpopstar reminds you over salads at the Renaissance Diner? Man, am I coming down off of one of those. But I've missed you, Blog, and I promise to never neglect you again.

YES LEIGH, Joe did graduate. I didn't actually go to his graduation, but I presume he earned a magna cum laude. You know, the middle word in that is "cum"? Gross.

In TV news....
-I don't know how lame the WB can possibly get, but for those of us who live in the 21st century and Tivo Gilmore Girls, we got the unplesant treat of having the last minute of the season finale cut off. Aaahh, low-rent TV stations. Awesome. Luckily though, the show was amazing and Lauren Graham has cemented her place in the pantheon of My Favorite Actresses Ever.

-Lost frickin' rules. That little black boy is so scary!!

-So they cancelled Judging Amy, huh? I bet somewhere, someone cares.

-Yo, The Sopranos hasn't been on in like a year. That makes me feel diabetic.

ALSO- TDI Karaoke Strikes Back is coming really soon. I've been promised some Matt Kupchin mic time for "Total Eclipse." McRock and I are totally looking forward to it, so full steam ahead, y'all!!

ALSO AGAIN- I'm sitting at my desk today, and Paul Wontorek totally got interviewed by that Botoxy CBS news anchorwoman. I can NOT remember her name for the life of me. I keep wanting to call her "Dana Charles," but that's nobody's name, which is sad, because WHAT A NAME. Anyway, he got interviewed like 2 feet from my desk, and it was totally campy. Good times.

So I hear that Star Wars movie opened. I guess some people like that stuff?

May the Zbornak be with you.
KEVIN :-)

A TOAST...

To Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog's resident musical genious (and everyone's favorite hairy Italian) Joseph P. Iconis, who today graduates: Dearest Joe- We are so proud of you for getting your Masters Degree! Congratulations! Well Done! Bravo! Now hurry up and get famous so we can ride your coatails...

guess who has a master's degree? 

"Entertainer Joan Rivers Included in Capitol Hill Evacuation" ("Access Hollywood" release)

And thats all you really need to know.
Cable News was actually stalking me yesterday. Not only was my apt featured on CNN; Tortilla Coast (as a back drop for panicking staffers) made a cameo on Fox News. Or so I've heard. I certainly don't view such smut.
"I saw Loretta Sanchez go screaming by at about a buck-eighty" -- Rep. Stephen Lynch (D-MA) (Boston Herald)
Ok, back to season one of Dawson's Creek. Which really, back in like '97 was a rather fab show. The whole Pacey-Teacher Scandal? Perfection.

"Leigh, Stop Trying to Pull The Gin Over My Eyes"

Speaking to Kevin William Manganaro after a few bad date-induced alcoholic beverages is a DELIGHT.

Ahem. A quick recap of my weekend:

• updated summer wardrobe while debating "France Aprapo fashion" (read: eurotrash)
• discovered that is a law that you can no longer smile in your passport photo. Considered renouncing citizenship for the millionth time since november of 2000.
• Crash=Magnolia wannabe, however I fully support most anything involving Don Cheadle. Had drinks at Harry's at the Hotel Harrington and watched a post-prom fashion parade. (Side cutouts on a prom dress=slutastic ensemble when matching w plastic stilletos)
• saw unsuspected patrons get water ballons dropped on them from 8 stories above
• saw a manhole cover with a light coming from it at 1:45 am, followed by a lesbain-only dance party at Union station complete with giant glittery disco ball
• fell in love with my new grocery cart. (Need to carry a full gallon of calcium fortified tropicana 23 blocks? no problem!)

In bigger news...
The Capitol was evacuated today!!!Guess who works around 150 feet away from there??? Chaos ensued involving a few hundred staffers wandering confused outside the coast, followed by sightings of my apartment on CNN. SIGH i heart dc???

A litte pre-Weezer, pre-Philly venting.

First of all, 8 hours and 45 minutes til WEEZER. That right there is all you really need to know about how I'm doing today. I want to touch Rivers Cuomo tonight. That's all I'm saying.

So some things:
-"California Girls" truly is a great song.
-I'M SEEING DONNA SUMMER AT JONES BEACH!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!
-According to the New York Times, sexual preferences may lie in the portion of the brain that processes smells and pheramones. Clearly, Mike and I are now renaming our band The Gay Smells. Our first single? "Bear Claw."
-People I hate today: Laura Bush and Ray Romano. Equally.
-I'm kind of indifferent to the Tony nominations, but one thing I am NOT indifferent to is the photo slideshow in the Times article about the nominations. I highly suggest that you all check it out. It's nothing but people looking surprised (Sutton Foster), ebullient (Victoria Clark), or Kathleen Turner (Gary Beach).
-Paris Hilton= E.T.

Ok. Rock, rock, rock. Later.
KEVIN :-)

Long Oy-land.

Hey everybody!!

I know that this blog has gotten the shit end of the stick in recent days/weeks, but busy things are going down! Leigh, my "esteemed" colleague, has been finishing classes, getting kick-ass grades, and surviving Sinko Day My-Oh while working in a TexMex restaurant! Quiet please: There's a lady onstage.

So having just come back from Long Island (where Mother's Day was a quiet riot), I ca HONESTLY say that suburbia is hilarious. I was left to my own devices in the Roosevelt Field Mall (heaven on earth) for two hours, and I ended up with a khaki blazer (cool!), and the following:
So I'm walking by Restoration Hardware, sipping an iced coffee, when I turn, see a woman (early 50's, about 170 pounds, deep facial wrinkles, ashy-dry black hair piled in curls on her head, not a stitch on makeup on yet immaculate nails) in a chocolate brown Juicy track suit. I lock eyes with this woman and let out an Ettannani-style "OOF!" I actually verbally reacted to this woman. I was sooooo embarrassed (largely for Restoration Hardware's sake) and scampered off in search of jeans.

Song of the Day- "Fit But You Know It"by The Streets

Other concepts of the day:
-Now I went through my Liz Phair phase (as did we all), but when you come down to it, she's nothing more than a pretty girl who can play guitar KINDA well. I mean, she wears heels in concerts. I'm concerned about this.
-Greyhounds are probably the coolest dogs ever.
-I bet I'd love Barbados.
-This past week's SNL was one of the worst ever. Even Donatella Versace seemed tired.

OK, off to watch TV with The Coolor (my new name for Kate... ya know, cuz she leaves me feeling chilled... and a little bit Baldwin. Yeah, baby! BALDWIN!)

Kevin :-)

"You need some black fuckin' suits."

Joe Iconis, Joe Iconis, Joe Iconis.

I have survived the world's first encounter with the fully-formed Black Suits (Joe's brilliante musical about a Long Island garage band), and let me tell you: IT IS AWESOME. OH MY GOD. Everything went sooooo well, the show was received with laughter (from all) and tears (from me), and Thank Jeebus, I got it all on iPod.

Literally, this is so good that it makes my forehead sweaty. I'm listening to it right now (bless my wonderful iPod!), and it's this part where they go to a tuxedo place to get black suits to play in, and a character just told them not to say "Fuck," because it's too "fragrant" a word. Shit, I love this show.

Also, dining with the Iconises, the Maddocks, some scant Manganaros, and ANNIE GOLDEN is... Well, it's... Wow. Bless This Mess is all I can say. Despite all of Annie Golden's skullduggery, my favorite part of the evening must be when Wee Iconis bellowed at an unable-to-hear Flora Bonano, "STRAWBERRIES, I SAID! I HATE STRAWBERRIES! HATE 'EM! STRAWBERRIES!" If you don't know Wee Iconis, call me and I'll do an impression.

KEVIN :-)

most accurate description ever.

So, I just remembered that my roommates, the Gayrab and I are all going to see Margaret Cho next month. I was googling show reviews when I came across the following from
The Chicago Tribune:
"Cho's fans consist mainy of gay men- and the women who love them"
Check and Check. It should be a grand evening of comedy. I mean the last time I saw anything Margaret Cho related I was watching notorious CHO at the sunshine; and kevin literally spit diet coke on me- clearly a good sign of things to come.

newsflash...

Uh, Kevin...
I'm pretty sure I was sitting next to you as you saw Patricia Clarkson on stage at the Kennedy Center in A Streetcar Named Desire. I'm fairly certain that qualifies as culture. Don't attempt to say you have never seen culture in my city. Did I not take you to varying branches of the Smithsonian? Did we not walk through sculpture gardens and see the monuments? Did you not attend the afterparty for the US premiere of german film ? You know what else? I have Ben's Chili Bowl and you don't-So suck it, and stop being mean to our nation's capital.

I mean, cmon....