Half of 2005 is officially over.

WHAT A TERRIFYING FACT!! Happy July, at any rate.

Let's assess what Summer '05 has done for us lately:

(1) Brooke Shields v. Tom Cruise is epic. And curiously ongoing. Like, I love Brooke Shields. Despite being perpetually mired in mediocrity, she's a flippin' genius in "Freeway," so bless her beautiful hide. Tom Cruise, I ain't seen your weirdo alien movie yet, but you fucking suck. Shut the fuck up. Jaysus.

(2) Sandra Day O'Connor is hightailing it out of the Supreme Court to care for her Alzheimers-ridden husband. Romantic, perhaps? A real-life "Iris" (wherein she's Jim Broadbent... delightful)? Well, the country's going to suffer for the loss of such a cool chick, who, while not always correct on the issues before her, was a hell of a lot better than the rest of them. Ruth Bader Ginsberg? Jesus Christ, fucking useless. Anyway, I'd like to nominate Christina Applegate for Supreme Court justice. She'd be entirely winning, and it would give her a chance to rest her foot.

(3) Fatal Attraction: A Greek Tragedy (www.fatalattractiontheplay.com) starts previews tonight. This is something the summer's done RIGHT. Very right. I'll say no more... Just that it's a fucking milestone in American culture.

(4) WHY IS IT SO HUMID?! I'm so unhappy. 2005, you fucking blow.

(5) I haven't been the beach enough. I'm pallid.

(6) I'm going to France in four weeks (LESS!), and I'm completely unequipped to deal. I'm talking in terms of luggage, to say nothing of language skills.

Today's two rants:
*Beck's "Girl" (on Guero) is a fantastic song. Fun and bouncy for summer.
*You know who really doesn't get the respect she deserves? Delta Burke. When you really look at it, Suzanne Sugarbaker is one of the great creations in TV history. I'm takin along the lines of Lucy Ricardo, Marge Simpson, and Tony Soprano. Genius. Anyway, she doesn't get props for her skills is all I'm saying.

KEVIN, fatally.