Catching Up with Kevin.

Hey all- Happy Thanksgiving Week! Who's ready for some heaping ladlefuls of taters and Tofurkey? I AM! Yay!

I love the fall.

Last night, was the 1 year anniversary of DISCO TEA, the greatest weekly gay disco bash in Manhattan. I was there. So was Rollerina. It was amazing.

But I really need to tell you about what happened on Friday night, as it's one of my great New York drinking tales. I went out for boozities with JOE. We met Roommate and Roommate's Friend for a hot second down in the East Village-y, Nolita-esque nook of town. We went into this gross, ugly gray box of a bar (god knows why), and I marched directly to the bar to order drinks. As I approached the bar, I moved a stool to get closer. In doing so, I set the stool down on the foot of this older cougar-type lady wearing a fur coat. (In a film, she would be played by the baby of Cheri Oteri and Jackie Stallone.)

[Ed. note- At this juncture, before we get into some James Frey territory, it's probably best to note that Kevin was VERY drunk while this was happening, and that the memory of it appears as in a beautiful, soft-focus dream.]

KEVIN: Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am.
COUGAR: "Ma'am"? Who're you calling ma'am? I'm not old! Call me ma'am again, and I'll kill ya!
ROOMMATE: Not if I kill him first.
COUGAR: Ha! I like you guys. Is this your girlfriend, Rude Boy?
KEVIN: Oh, no. She's just my roommate.
COUGAR: Aaah, that's too bad. I was about to offer you my A#1 sex tip.

Kevin's eyes light up like a pinball machine.

KEVIN: Oh, by all means... Do continue.
COUGAR: Lean in closer, it's a secret. I have just one word for you...

[Ed. note- I shit you not. My hand to God.]

COUGAR: ... Mice.
KEVIN: Mice?!
COUGAR: Mice.
KEVIN: Like... Do you mean, like, Richard Gere-with-a-gerbal-in-his-ass shit? Are you talking insertion?

[Ed. note- Any time that I get to ask if someone is "talking insertion," it's a good conversation.]

COUGAR: Hey, I didn't say it. You use your own imagination there, kiddo. Let your mind wander...

And that's where our encounter with Magical/Disgusting Cougar ends, as I literally spun on my heels, screamed "JOE! OH MY GOD!" and ran.

So yeah. That happened. Mice.

On behalf of Leigh and myself, we wish all of our beloved, amazing readers the happiest of Thanksgivings and the most successful of Black Fridays.

Mice,
KEVIN.
xoxo