EMMY FASHON RECAP!

The greatest TV show ever. CONGRATS.

So Leigh and I watched the 59th Annual Emmy Awards last night, chez moi. As always, the Emmys were boring, poorly-produced, and truly off-putting to watch. And Ryan Seacrest is- and I'm sorry to say this- too gay to be sat through. My eyes have glitterburns. He's disgusting. But yeah- As much as I want to just totally shun the Emmys, there are gowns. And Leigh and I are honor-bound to watch and critique anything with gowns on it. We're gownaholics, and if that's wrong, we ain't never gonna be right!

So check it. Y'all know the drill.




I'm told that this woman was on Grey's Anatomy and that she's somehow getting a spin-off. I can't imagine that's a good idea, as I have no idea who she is. But I'll tell her that if she's going to headline a major medical drama, she's going to need to invest in a bra sometime. The hair is good, though. Great, even. The tits, though... Mid-season replacement quality at best.


This is some Barry Manilow shit right here. He writes the songs that make the whole world FUCKYOUGIVEMICHAELIMPERIOLIHISEMMYBACK. No really, though. Can y'all see that his tie has rhinestones on it? Maniac.


Let's not waste any time. WORST. Worst, worst, worst. Why this hair? Why? She looks like a Snork! And are those drape pulls on her neck? Someone euthanize this poor soul.


Zzzzzz. What? Uh? Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. What was I saying? Oh, right. I was looking at Debra Messing's dressed when I dozed off. I must have- ..... Zzzzzzzzz.


So some people actually liked this... whatever color it is. I just think she looks a drag queen dressed up as caution tape for Halloween. (Sidebar: I don't get the bracelet. And I always get bracelets.)


Dumb earrings. Dumb face. Dumb lady. (I think she's actually saying, "Duuurrr! Look what I put on!")


Yes, yes, yes! Love, love, love! Jaime Pressley, you are THE SHIT. Congrats on your well-deserved win and for looking So. Fucking. Hot. I'm in love. I'm fawning. Just... LOVE.


This was going to be my picked for Worst Dressed, but Roommate pointed out that she is indeed, very young, and maybe she just doesn't know any better. Or maybe she's trying to defuse that whole cheerleader fetish thing. I mean, if anything's going to stop middle age men around the country from wanting to give her "a pearl necklace" (ugh, gross) it's this creamsicle circus tent.

So Leigh and I are torn on this. I think it's spellbinding, actually. I mean, it actually slaps Fashion in the face with a white glove and challenges it to pistols at dawn. She's wearing a train of feathers. I mean, I'm sorry but at the end of the day, she's wearing a train of feathers. So... Case closed, as far as I'm concerned- A+. Leigh, though, can't seem to forgive V. Williams for her poodle-ish Golden Globes hair.



One of these women looks 70 and the other is Helen Mirren. Seriously, Oh (who I totally enjoy) looks wretched, but La Mirren looks as stunning and fuckable as always. Plus, she had the best speech of the night. Home run in violet. (Which was going to be the title of my memoirs.)


Your speech may have been censored Sally "God Damn" Field, but you looked adorable- just downright lovely- in this eggplant-y number. Also, you were in Steel Magnolias, so we genuflect at the very sight of you.


Aaaaaaaahhhh. THERE SHE IS. Look at her. Tina Fey, writer/producer/star of 30 Rock is our pick for Best Dressed, because nobody that geniusly hilarious should also be able to turn up the hot like that. Look at her! Damn. Icon. And she looks like she wants to hit Patricia Heaton! Bonus points! Stab her with the statue lady's wings, Liz Lemon!

Until next year, TV fans! (When we'll be toasting the Emmy success of Damages! Bwa ha ha!)
KEVIN (et Leigh)