"I think I may be beginning to disappear..."

What? Julie, no. You will never disappear. You are a goddess, an icon, an Oscar winner (unless they find a way to go back and retroactively give your Oscar to an inconsequential pretty young thing slathering on fifteen pounds of latex to vaguely resemble a celebrity), and you are the eptiome of class and craft.

I really do think I'm too depressed and enraged by Marion Cotillard's Best Actress win to do an Academy Awards fashion recap. Truly- Worst. Oscar. Ever. I've been accused of hyperbole for saying this, so I'd love to explain why...

(ahem)

I'm not a performer, but if I were, I would find it wildly insulting that Hollywood seems to have such a poverty of imagination as to think that mimicking an existing person is the height of creativity. It's paint-by-numbers frivolity, whether it's Marion Cotillard doing it or Philip Seymour Hoffman or Reese Witherspoon or Cate Blanchett. Did she sound like Edith Piaf? Sure. Did she look like Edith Piaf. Sure, thanks to pounds of paint and tape. (And I WILL debate whether turning someone into Edith Piaf is more artistically significant or nuanced than turning Eddie Murphy into an obese lady.) But does screaming and fainting and lip-synching really represent the height of screen acting? FUCK no. And it certainly doesn't deserve the first Oscar ever awarded to a French language performance. I'm confident, in fact, that somewhere Catherine Deneuve is rolling over in the grave of good taste.

In ten years, at the 90th Academy Awards, there going to be doing one of those montages they're so fond of, reflecting on Best Actresses past, and Marion Cotillard will flash up there, and everyone will look at each other and say, "What? We have her one for that? Oooff. My B."

There. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I might as well say that Leigh and I endorse Amy Adams and Helen Mirren for best dressed. (Sorry, I can't help myself!! I'm a slave to gowns!!)

Check it:



I mean, can we just agree that what we see here is existing and soon-to-be Hollywood royalty? I look at Helen Mirren, and I hear "Nobody Does It Better." I look at Amy Adams, and... Well, I just generally go a little ga-ga. I must have a think for redheads in green.

Also, Kristin Chenoweth is disgusting. Sorry, had to throw that in there.

OK. Time to go buy Dolly's new album on iTunes!

XOXO, Kevin!

PS- Now, I wish her nothing but the worst in life, but I will say this for Marion Cotillard's dress: I hated it. Now, there's a compliment in here somewhere, so bear with me. I thought her dress was ugly and ill-considered, but in a year with some of the boring-est red carpet fashions I've ever seen (even Tilda wore black!!), at least she stood out. It wasn't black or red, so bully for her. And her hair looked nice... Bitch.