Friday, March 11, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Blogging Emergency!
I SO don't want to upstage Leigh-thal's EPIC post below (uumm... Tom Jones is tangerine?? WHAT??), but I do want to share this:
We're not alone in the blogging neighborhood.
http://onceadored.blogspot.com/
Oh yes. Rosie O'Donnell has a blog. One that's written entirely in beat poetry. God DAMN.
We're not alone in the blogging neighborhood.
http://onceadored.blogspot.com/
Oh yes. Rosie O'Donnell has a blog. One that's written entirely in beat poetry. God DAMN.
"Well, anyone would look skinny next to a Lion..."
88 HOURS IN VEGAS WITH LETHAL AND THE GAYRAB
TAKE A DEEP BREATH KIDS...HERE IT COMES:
- Arrive at airport early to find flight delayed and no gay magazines featuring The Rock available for purchase. Resolve to have a drink in airport bar.
- Board plane to find that it serves Pepsi products and offers no inflight entertainment. Inflight entertainment becomes stories of Gayrab's father running away from hellbent camels in his youth in Morocco.
- Cab line in Vegas approx. 4 years long. Arrive at The Excalibur at approach. 4am DC time. See giant purple dragon and have hotel personnel call you "lord and Lady" feel the tiredness melt away. We love the Excalibur!
- See room, complete with view of parking lot, bloodstained carpet and non-draining shower. We loathe the Excalibur!
- Ignore accommodations by becoming acquainted with slot machines. This will be the beginning of a whirlwind friendship (a friendship which basically ends with the friend stealing your wallet and calling you stupid, but it was fun while it lasted...) Eat breakfast at the Sherwood Forrest Cafe before retiring circa 7am
- Arise! Vegas awaits! Enter NewYork NewYork to discover that tavern on the green has become a place for high stakes slots, the only subway is at Christopher street, and somehow Broadway intersects with not only west end Ave, but the Brooklyn bridge as well. Discover that Coyote Ugly offers 15 kinds of frozen alcohol 24 hours a day. (even if it is served by the most busted looking woman alive. I'm not kidding. Small children would run in fear)
- Discover; at the exact same time; the availability of souvenir beverage cups filled with aforementioned frozen alcoholic beverages, and the fact that Vegas has no open container laws. This means one can stroll from The Paris to Ceasers whilst sipping strawberry Margarita out of a giant plastic Eiffel tower. Wow. (This is the part where I'd like to note that mike talked me out of going to Harrah's to purchuse a soviener glass that was purple, 4 feet long, and got strapped to your back like a cross-bow. sad) Total sovinier cups purchused: 5 total frozen beverages consumed: sometwhere in the neighborhood of 18, not counting the dollar margaritas at the Boardwalk
- Introduce Mike to the buffet concept at The Aladdin. (which says "In the Sea of Buffets, we're the Killer Whale") Mike eats his weight in King Crab while leigh tries to climb out from under a vat of chocolate mousse.
- Studio 54. dance dance revolution ensues. The Gayrab and Lethal tear the shit out of the dancefloor for 3 hours; fueled by jello shots and jagermeister.
- Wander into photbooth. makeout for the camera. stumble to foodcourt. eat. stumble home. mike finds second food court. eat more. Return to new room with view of strip and no bodily fluid stains!
- Wake with a fervor in order to have champagne brunch. Line for champagne brunch is nearly 2 hours. Eat crepes and drink giant rootbeer in defeat. sulk and drink frozen alcohol.
- Realize it is 70 degrees and sunny. take frozen alcohol outside and stroll to Venice; where a story involving long-distance romance is concocted for romantic gondola ride. Kiss under a bridge. Hott.
- Vegas is beginning to catch up with us...we're fading...only an 8 dollar bottle of champagne and some scary salsa music can revive us. take tram to luxor where the slot machines are COLD. Continue on to Mandalay Bay where they are slightly warmer...
- Is it Monday? wow. Is it also 75 degrees out? Crazy! go to MGM where Lions are sleeping on plastic suspension bridges. Have photo taken with baby Lion. Leigh can now not stop saying "but mike, we touched a baby lions bum!"
- Sip Coronas while lounging in the sunshine of the Excalibur pool area. Solice is often innterupted by announcement that lords and ladies are needed in poker room for no-limit hold 'em.
- Dine in splendor at the Belliagio. View famous fountain. Maybe tear up a little...
- TOM JONES.WOW. The man is so Tangerine that the whites of his eyes glow. Women throw underwear. A man from Poland throws a tie while screaming "greatest singer in the world!!!" Tom covers prince and tells us he jsut cut an album with Wyclef. He may be swaeting like robin williams during an HBO special, but the man is giving 200%. Trying to figure out how a man old enough tobe my grandfather can oooze sex. wrong. v. wrong.
- High on Tom fumes, we return to the Bellagio and gamble away the contents of our wallets on high stakes war. drink drink drink. strut on the strip in our matching orange ensembles. At one point a 15 year old baby momma yells "slut," some frat boys whistle, and a man with 4 teeth and a mullet tells us we are "lookin'good. stylin!" Mission accomplished.
- Wake up. check out. eat lunch outdoors in the sunshine and visit the slots one last time. discover flight is delayed...
- Board plane in a huff. Then discover we are flying over Grand Canyon. Beautiful!
- VIVA LAS VEGAS
"Our daughter has become my accomplice in infanticide."
I just typed the above line to Katie McGrath. AHH, ANOTHER DAY IN THE OFFICE.
So Mike and Leigh are back from The Vegas, Joe's in the midst of career turmoil, Kate's rehearsin' like a Tazmanian Devil, and what am I doing? Where's mine? Well, I'll tell you. I've discovered my life's mission (like a ye olde crusade)... To make people stop being mean to Amy Fisher.
OK, so I'm eating my Cheerios, fixin my hair and getting ready for work this morning, and what's on TV, but "Oprah After The Show" on Oxygen. She's interviewing Amy Fisher, and OH MY GOD, I didn't realize that Oprah's audience had such cruelty towards Amy Fisher!! Like... One woman stood up, and she said, "I don't believe that you were some innocent creature that was tricked into letting this man into your bedroom. This was your deliberate choice." And then even Oprah herself got pissy at Amy Fisher when she said that there were parts of the shooting that she doesn't remember. Oprah was like, "You wrote a book, and now you don't want to talk about it? NO FREE CAR FOR YOU." OK, so the last part is a contruct of my imagination, I'm pretty sure. But still... Do people not see Joey Butafuocco as the bad guy anymore? I guess that this stopped being a case of this bad guy victimizing an impressionable young girl, who in turn lashes out to vitimize someone else? Fucking Oprah. Joe's right. She IS a bad person.
I want to talk about "The Starlet," but I don't think I have the strength right now.
KEVIN :-)
So Mike and Leigh are back from The Vegas, Joe's in the midst of career turmoil, Kate's rehearsin' like a Tazmanian Devil, and what am I doing? Where's mine? Well, I'll tell you. I've discovered my life's mission (like a ye olde crusade)... To make people stop being mean to Amy Fisher.
OK, so I'm eating my Cheerios, fixin my hair and getting ready for work this morning, and what's on TV, but "Oprah After The Show" on Oxygen. She's interviewing Amy Fisher, and OH MY GOD, I didn't realize that Oprah's audience had such cruelty towards Amy Fisher!! Like... One woman stood up, and she said, "I don't believe that you were some innocent creature that was tricked into letting this man into your bedroom. This was your deliberate choice." And then even Oprah herself got pissy at Amy Fisher when she said that there were parts of the shooting that she doesn't remember. Oprah was like, "You wrote a book, and now you don't want to talk about it? NO FREE CAR FOR YOU." OK, so the last part is a contruct of my imagination, I'm pretty sure. But still... Do people not see Joey Butafuocco as the bad guy anymore? I guess that this stopped being a case of this bad guy victimizing an impressionable young girl, who in turn lashes out to vitimize someone else? Fucking Oprah. Joe's right. She IS a bad person.
I want to talk about "The Starlet," but I don't think I have the strength right now.
KEVIN :-)
Monday, March 07, 2005
A tiny little blog
Hey all- So I didn't have anything to say all weekend, and I kinda still don't, but my coworker Sara Fitzawesome will totally beat me up if I don't write anything, so....
My co-blogger Leigh is in Vegas this weekend, with our mutual favorite gay arabian. I've received multiple damning phonecalls, including a voicemail that went like this, "Kevin. It's Mike. I'm standing in Studio 54 and the MGM Grand, and Kevin... The bathrooms! OK, goodbye." Clearly, I can't wait to go to the Vegas myself (countdown- 3 weeks).
Some other random items:
(1) I think I might hate Robin Williams. Which is odd, because I love Mrs. Doubtfire. Not the movie, the woman.
(2) Last night, were anyone's eyes watching "Their Eyes Were Watching God"? Mine were watching "All Shook Up," which I'm completely frickin' obsessed with, so I had to Tivo it. Is it worth my time? I bet not, right? Like, Halle Berry... For serious? I dunno.
(3) Kate and I finally got high speed internet this week, which has resulted in me downloading EPIC amount of music, including Elton John and Guns & Roses singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and some weird chick who was billed as Bjork (but is assuredly NOT Bjork) singing "Leaving on a Jetplane." Coolness personified, yo.
OK Later.
KEVIN :-)
My co-blogger Leigh is in Vegas this weekend, with our mutual favorite gay arabian. I've received multiple damning phonecalls, including a voicemail that went like this, "Kevin. It's Mike. I'm standing in Studio 54 and the MGM Grand, and Kevin... The bathrooms! OK, goodbye." Clearly, I can't wait to go to the Vegas myself (countdown- 3 weeks).
Some other random items:
(1) I think I might hate Robin Williams. Which is odd, because I love Mrs. Doubtfire. Not the movie, the woman.
(2) Last night, were anyone's eyes watching "Their Eyes Were Watching God"? Mine were watching "All Shook Up," which I'm completely frickin' obsessed with, so I had to Tivo it. Is it worth my time? I bet not, right? Like, Halle Berry... For serious? I dunno.
(3) Kate and I finally got high speed internet this week, which has resulted in me downloading EPIC amount of music, including Elton John and Guns & Roses singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and some weird chick who was billed as Bjork (but is assuredly NOT Bjork) singing "Leaving on a Jetplane." Coolness personified, yo.
OK Later.
KEVIN :-)
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
I'm pretty sure TV- as an art form- has jumped the shark
So Kate and I are watching a fresh Gilmore last night (which was SO great, SO amazing..... ugh, just loved it), and this ad came on for this new WB reality series called "The Starlet." Essentially, it's a hunt for the next great movie star. So American Idol has Paula Abdul, Project Runway has Heidi Klum... For each industry the reality show relates to, they find a washed up former star of that medium. So who's hosting "The Starlet." FAYE FUCKIN' DUNAWAY. Oscar-winner Faye Dunaway (Bonnie herself!!) is hosting a reality show on the WB. Moreover, she looks like ten miles of bad road in Hell. She's worn down like an old pair of britches, and in the clip they showed, she seems barely able to stay awake, she appears to leering at the young girl from over a gin bottle, and she says (in FULL Mommie Dearest), "You're a STAR!" It was arresting and life-shortening. I can't deal with it.
I'm so happy to be sipping coffee right now, can I just say? MMMMMMMM.
I'd like to shout-out to my Gay-rab for pointing me in the direction of Dusty Springfield's "In The Middle of Nowhere," shortly to be a karaoke insitution.
Happy Mid-Week.
KEVIN :-)
I'm so happy to be sipping coffee right now, can I just say? MMMMMMMM.
I'd like to shout-out to my Gay-rab for pointing me in the direction of Dusty Springfield's "In The Middle of Nowhere," shortly to be a karaoke insitution.
Happy Mid-Week.
KEVIN :-)
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Spirit in the Sky
Signs your flight is not going to go well:
1. There are approx. 4 people in LaGuardia Airport
2. The 6, 8, and 9 o clock shuttles are cancelled, but somehow the 7 is taking off (circa 8:45)
3. The Plane you have boarded requires 25 minutes of de-icing.
4. The captain tells you to expect a bumpy flight "Turbulence is certain"
5. the flight attendants choose not to serve beverages due to aforementioned turbulence
6. the captian comes over the PA and says "folks, you really need to buckle up" again, due to aforementioned turbulence
7. THE OXYGEN MASKS DROP. (ok, so this was an accident, but still. can you imagine???)
I am good little flyer, but I was so nervous! Even the soothing Irishness of Damien Rice had no calming effect. By the time point 6 occurred, I was griping the arm rests and attempting to think of prayers. In my twisted mind, the only things I could think of were Danny Boy and the Stanford Magnificat & Nunc Dimittis in C. I figured god would get that the synapses were a little screwy at 10,000 feet. I made it home alive, just intime to frolic in the snow with Mike, my roomies and a flask full of peppermint schnapps. And all was right in the world.
Also, Marymount decided to open today (boo!) My professor however, lives out in nowhere Virginia and cancelled class! (yay!) Hence, I'm going back to sleep, ttfn. -Leigh, thankful to be on solid earth.
1. There are approx. 4 people in LaGuardia Airport
2. The 6, 8, and 9 o clock shuttles are cancelled, but somehow the 7 is taking off (circa 8:45)
3. The Plane you have boarded requires 25 minutes of de-icing.
4. The captain tells you to expect a bumpy flight "Turbulence is certain"
5. the flight attendants choose not to serve beverages due to aforementioned turbulence
6. the captian comes over the PA and says "folks, you really need to buckle up" again, due to aforementioned turbulence
7. THE OXYGEN MASKS DROP. (ok, so this was an accident, but still. can you imagine???)
I am good little flyer, but I was so nervous! Even the soothing Irishness of Damien Rice had no calming effect. By the time point 6 occurred, I was griping the arm rests and attempting to think of prayers. In my twisted mind, the only things I could think of were Danny Boy and the Stanford Magnificat & Nunc Dimittis in C. I figured god would get that the synapses were a little screwy at 10,000 feet. I made it home alive, just intime to frolic in the snow with Mike, my roomies and a flask full of peppermint schnapps. And all was right in the world.
Also, Marymount decided to open today (boo!) My professor however, lives out in nowhere Virginia and cancelled class! (yay!) Hence, I'm going back to sleep, ttfn. -Leigh, thankful to be on solid earth.
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