Oh my god- I've never had so much fun in my life\

It was announced today that Blondie is being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. As a RABID Blondie fan, I almost shit my britches. When the haze of self-satisfaction settled away, I was left with the question of which half-assed twatrag would perform a Blondie ditty at the ever-disappointing induction ceremony. Kate & I settled on the milquetoast Kelly Clarkson, but it got me/us dreaming about what might be...

Kevin & Co.'s Dream Blondie Tribute Concert:

(in order of performance)

ACT ONE

"Atomic"- Scissor Sisters

"Heart of Glass"- Franz Ferdinand*
"X Offender"- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Denis"- Missy Elliot
"Go Away"- Ladystein
"Hangin' on the Telephone"- OK Go

"Out In the Streets"- Emmylou Harris

"I'm Gonna Love You Too"- Sinead O'Connor & Marilyn Manson*
"Fade Away and Radiate"- Fiona Apple

"Rapture"- The Eurythmics
"Rip Her To Shreds"- Elton John feat. Mary J. Blige

(interval)

ACT TWO

"Maria"- k.d. lang
"Call Me"- Bai Ling
"Union City Blue"- The White Stripes

"Kung Fu Girls"- Garbage

"Sunday Girl"- David Bowie*
"I'm on E"- Cyndi Lauper

"The Tide is High"- Shonen Knife#
"Man Overboard"- TraLaLa
"Susie & Jeffrey"- Bettye LaVette

"11:59"- Maximo Park
"The Real World"- Courtney Love
FINALE: "One Way or Another"- Dolly Parton & Co.

Titles with a (*) were suggested by Joe Iconis, whose good judgment is always on display at www.purevolume.com/joeike. Titles with a (#) were suggested by Kate Wilkinson, whose passable taste and excellent cans are on display at www.ladystein.com.

Sigh. J'happy.

KEVIN :-)

Trannie Don't Preach

I'd say that 2005 was an extraordinarily successful Thanksgiving on Long Island. It started with serving food to the homeless at the Bowery Mission next to Candice Bergen. Then it continued with seeing that Mike's face- while still unbearably hideous- isn't as scarred as I'd feared. It rambled on through two days of passionate shopping, Sands Point driving and diner food. And now I'm back in Manhatty, and I'm immensely greatful to have so much of my shopping done. (No, really. I have cute stuff for people this year- Tee hee!)

And yes, Leigh, we should talk about the Lachey-Simpson divorce, because (a) Fuck them, and (b) It's hilarious. I can't wait til Ashlee gets divorced.

Also, Leigh, Joe and I saw the "Rent" movie on Saturday night, in the midst of a throbbing, horah-ing throng of B&T Jewish 12-year old girls. They were 1,000 times worse than any 'Black Friday' mob scene, and 1,000 more enjoyable than that bullshit, awful movie.

Ho Ho Ho
KEVIN :-)

The Average American Consumes 7,100 Calories on Thanksgiving...

and I'm no exception.
mmm. Tryptophan coma....
Happy Turkey Day, blog fans!
I have the following things to say...

1. I'm never eating again, but god, I LOVE sweet potatos
2. The Springer Spaniel was robbed, and totally should have won the dog show. Also, due to the dog show; "god loves a terrier" has been in my head all day.
3. My mother and I know all 18 1/2 minutes of Arlo Gutherie's "Alice's Restaurant" by heart. Is that werid?
4. I didn't go to Leo's on Weds night- someone please tell me who in GC is married/preggers/in rehab
5. I feel like I need to say something about the end of the Simpson/Lachey Marriage. I occasionally "read" USweekly, so, in way, I'm to blame. Now all we have is TomKat. Sigh. Did anyone else read that he actually purchused a sonograph machine, so he can watch his baby grow??? eeekkk.
   
6. Kevin, you may have done some good online shopping, but no way you're topping my xmas gift this year. Joe Iconis isn't the only one who can buy you women's T shirts....
   

I'm not lame.

I don't do lame things like Tivo-ing the American Music Awards. But... If I wish that kind of person, I would say that Annie Lennox had just been elected Queen Cool Goddess of the Universe.

december bells

Leigh Slummerville and I let the one-year anniversary of this blog pass us by. We apologize, and promise to do a rousing feature for you celebrating all the highs and lows of this past 365 days, along with some testimonials from our blog's #1 fans. In the meantime, we hope that all of you out there are enjoying the upcoming holiday season. I've already done some Grade-A Christmas shopping!! Holla!! (All online, of course.)

ISSUES:
(1) I'm obsessed with Reese Witherspoon.
(2) I'm obsessed with not seeing Journey tonight.
(3) I'm obsessed with the new Madonna cd. (More on this to come later.)
(4) I'm obsessed with the fact that Mike, a good friend of this blog, had surgery ON HIS FACE yesterday. Oh, good lord. I nearly fainted, but it's all OK now, though he did pop a stitch post-surgery while singing "The Christmas Blues." What a fucking tool.
(5) I'm obsessed with gay cowboys.

More later. Thanks for your patience, all! You'll be rewarded for it. J'promise.

KEVIN :-)

H&M&INSANITY and A Little Night Music ...

Oh Stella McCartney, what chaos you bring to the world of discount fashion.
I figured haute couture at cheap prices would be alluring. I had no idea it would be violent
I've been told that in NY at the H&M on fifth ave. arrests for assualt were threatened.
I arrived at around 2 to find the place picked over, and in chaos. Women were literally pulling things out of each others hands. I actually saw a woman rip a shirt form another woman's hand and scream "That wasmy shirt! I saw it first!" it was crazy I tell you! Is that silk wrap dress really worth your life???? Grown women fighting like kids in a sandbox. INSANITY.
(fyi- i walked away with a shirt. I simply grabbed and ran. it was all instinct. if it doesn't fit me, I'm sure someone on Ebay will love it....)
Following the most harrowing shopping experience in recent memory, I saw Ben Folds live on stage with the entire Baltimore Symphony Orchestra backing him up. Let me tell you something. it is rare occasion to see a man use the pharse "Kiss my ass motherfucker" with strings and precussion at his disposal. How many people curse openly with violas and harps backing them up? (Joe Iconis, I'm talking to you...) It was a DELIGHT.
such a contrast filled day....
also, my co-blogger arrives in the district in a matter of hours.... Im so exicited!

This is how Priscilla enjoys her marathon victory

This is the "artsy" photo mara and I took Halloween night. Yeah. it's supposed to be blurry.

So many goings on in the world...

And I've neglected this blog since before Halloween. I am sooooooo sorry! That is lame of me, and I've done nothing to deserve the loyalty of this blog's devoted readership. I'M NOT WORTHY! But in my defense, life is frickin' busy. Here's how:

Work has exploded. With both of my managers out of the office and "The Busy Season" upon us, I have literally never been so scattered from 9am to 6pm in all my life. I can't even take lunch and read my gay, gay British, British novel. So frickin' sad.

No one will talk to me because the live episode of "The West Wing" is on. I had a heated debate with my mother about this... Why do people feel so drawn to this simply because it's live? Like, my mother has never watched "The West Wing," but she wants to watch this because it's live. Uuumm... Why? That's so arbitrary. If it was exactly the same, except it was pre-recorded, it would be less interesting? Hello- It's "The West Wing." It's already pretentious and impersonal and aggravating. My mother countered with, "Well, you go see plays. Those are live!" Well... Yes. But they're always live- It's not some random gimmick. Don't be suckered in, America!

I heard this song, but it might not have really existed. I had Thai food with my adorable new friend Matt, and they were playing this song- The title of it must have been "Since You Came To Town." It was jazzy and standard-y and really sexy and unspeakably romantic; it had a smoky quality was sung by a torch-y sounding woman. I can't find any trace of it. If anyone out there knows anything about this song, I would be truly grateful.

Martha Stewart is a golden goddess. (self-explanatory)

OK, I'm hitting the road, kids. My old lady will be home any second. Goodniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!