Toothless. Ruthless.

Have y'all ever gotten your wisdom teeth out? It's way rad. I got all four of mine out on Thursday and I've been riding the applesauce-and-cold-compresses gravy train ever since. I mean, it sucks to be sore and swollen and whathaveyou, but it's SO COOL not to have those little fuckers gnawing at my face all the time. I feel liberated, you know? Like I could bitch slap a kodiac bear or run a marathon backwards. Or sing.

This is a new Kevin, world. Watch the crap out.

Al Gore makes me SO sad.

Last night; the roommate and I finally watched "An inconvenient Truth". If you know said Vegetarian, tree-hugging, birkenstock wearing roommate, you realize how strange it is that it took us so long. Anyway; this film made me sad on a number of levels. First, and most obvious, we are officially totally ruining this planet. Any day now the ocean will be 99 degress and the polar ice caps will melt and half of China, Western Europe, India, New Orleans, Miami, and all of lower Manhattan will be submereged. Crap. Feeling ubergulity about the whole driving an SUV thing.
Second, poor Al Gore. The man really wants to save the earth. He's so passionate! And engaging! Where was this Al Gore when we were discussing lock boxes? Final wave of sadness ensues when thinking about things that would NOT be happening right now if Gore had been elected...Sigh. At least Dr. O'Malley will be around to cheer me up this evening.
-L

SO many things to RANT about

Hi Kids. Please enjoy my two cents on the following noteworthy topics:

• Oscar Nominations:As usual, I am both delighted and confused by the academy's choices. Such Contrast. Rewarding the wonderful (Little Miss Sunshine) and the woeful (Blood Diamond). I mean, I'm all for giving Leo awards- but come on. The film actually includes the line " In America, it's bling bling. But out here it's bling bang." Sad. Mark my words, this will be the year Kevin and I have live Oscar blogging...

• The State of the Union:

Sigh. Whatever. Wake me when it's time to vote for the Obama-Richardson '08 ticket.

• While I'm on the topic of politics:

Thank you so much to 43 senators (all of them republican) who voted against increasing the minimum wage for the first time in a decade. I'm sure the millions of Americans who make $5.15 an hour will understand.

• The "Hounddog" Controversy

Ok. So In this film, there is a rape scene featuring twelve-year old Dakota Fanning. The media is freaking out. The Christians are starting letter writing campaigns. Hollywood in general is up in arms. I'm sorry, but has the world developed collective amnesia? There have a multitude of films which feature child rape. While this is a disturbing and horrifying topic; let's face it: it happens. Hollywood has handled it in good films (Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver) and bad films. (Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby) It happens in after school specials. I'm going to guess that child sexual abuse has been featured in somewhere in the neighborhood of 100,000 Lifetime movies. I don't recall anyone freaking out then. It is difficult subject matter, but it can be handled tastefully. (See: the superb Angelica Huston-Directed Bastard out of Carolina) Dakota said it herself: It's just acting. If you don't want to see it, DON'T SEE THE MOVIE. Take a chill pill people.

• Wisdom Teeth:

Kevin is getting his pulled tomorrow. Let's all be supportive, Ok? He doesn't do well with medical things. I'm thinking of you, Leibschen

• "MANWOOD"

And finally, Evan Rachael Wood is dating Marilyn Mason. For Serious. Speaking of difficult subject matter...ugh -Leighthal
.

Here she comes again....

Dolly Rebecca Parton, the greatest songwriter in the history of the effin' universe and probably the only reason I don't renounce America forever and move to Norway, turns 61 years HOT today. That's SIXTY ONE frickin' years that she's been making the world a more musical place with her angelic pipes and robust titties. We here at Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog salute this musical icon, who has inspired not only generations of performers to dream big, but has also inspired a certain chubby mid-20's gay Brooklynite to see the world as a more beautiful, deliriously promising place.

Dolly's been in the spotlight more than usual in the last few months since She Who Must Not Be Named fucked up "9 to 5" during DP's Kennedy Center Honors presentation. Luckily, Dolly is the most unflappable professional of all time and issued the following quote:

"Jessica is so talented that I'm sure that someday they will be paying tribute to her and I would be honored to perform for her. But I'll probably be so nervous that I'll forget my wig!"

How classy is this god damn woman?! Amazing. Anyway, this year has also been pretty Dollytastic, since I got to spend a day this past August in Dollywood, or as I like to call it "Church." Let's just say that somewhere between the Chasing Rainbows Museum and the bald eagle sanctuary, I became a better man, and I thank Dolly for the privilege. (Also, I never ride roller coasters- I HATE roller coasters- but I did it for Dolly. Oy.)

Dolly, we love you. Here's to 61 more years of your genius and beauty.

xoxo (like, times a thousand!!)
KEVIN.

PS- For funsies, click here to see my post re: Dolly's 60th last year!

Kevin + gowns + IMDB= 50 minutes wasted.

One of the earliest bonds between Leigh and I when we first met in elementary school was that we're very much creatures of fashion. We always have been, and we always will be. In fact, when I first met Leigh, her lunchbox had a sticker on it that said, "SLUT FOR COUTURE." I didn't need any stickers, since my studded capris spoke for themselves, so we became fast friends. Anyway, part of us being little Osh-Kosh-B'Clotheswhores (which, clearly, continues to this day) is that we LOVE to rehash award show fashions. Live for it. And in that spirit, please enjoy our 2007 Golden Globes fashion parade...



Let's start with Golden Globe winner (and diva to end all divas) Jennifer Hudson, who looked just fine, even if she's looked better every other time she's ever left the house. (Who saw her on Letterman? Show of hands? Hooker was BREATHTAKING.) I mean, she doesn't look BAD, but... Suddenly demure? Why come, Hud?


To all the haters of this outfit, I say that it's just Sienna being Sienna, man! She's a drug-addled hipster/junkie/pixie/milkmaid with a touch of Downs, and that's just what she looks like here.


It's been almost pathologically documented on this blog before, so I won't go into it again, but Angelina Jolie is the most perfect human being to ever exist. This is the dress she should have worn when she won her Oscar! Also, Brad Pitt has become Robert Redford. Fully.


This dress is super pretty, but Kate looks so washed out! That lipstick is a CREEPSHOW. She looks like the Black Dahlia poster.


Jessia Biel, you are a trannie robot! Fix your bangs.


This is going to be the cover of my Valentines Day cards. I think the inside will say something like, "Hoping this Valentines Day finds you with someone who makes you half as happy as we are. Love, Sharon Stone and Vodka."


This is precisely what JLo should always look like- Regal, chubby, and totally confused. Success.


Helen Mirren is 80 million years old and LOOK AT HER TITS. It's not fair. She's too perfect. I adore her. She has kind of a puppyface in this photo, though.


I still think that this dress was some joke that I was too wasted to get. Why would she wear that?? I mean, the bigger mystery is why she's so effin' greasy, but one thing at a time.



LOOK AT HER FUCKING HAIR. JEAN SMART, I WANT TO MARRY YOU.


Doesn't it look like Baffleck is going to punch her in this?? DO IT, BEN! She has a wonk eye! She's a fucking disaster! "Why I oughta...."



Dear Annette- I hope that this letter finds you well. Actually, I hope this letter finds you drunk. I say this because you are one of the greatest American actresses of all time, and you so fucking know it. You're no fool. You know that you had no shot at winning (even though you BEYOND deserved to), so you said to yourself, "I'm going to get tanked, not do my hair, and wear a schmatte from Fashion Bug. Fuck all a y'all." God damn it, I respect you. If the world won't give you your propers, drink up. Fondest, KEVIN.


What you can't tell from such a far-away shot is that Naomi Watt's earrings are really pretty. That's all.


What a fucking disgrace this beast is. Every fucking time. ALSO, why does she pose like that?? Does she have spinabifida?? I loathe everything about her.


MILF alert! I heart Mrs. Piven!


Julia Louis Dreyfuss looks as confused by the titties on her dress as I am.


America's favorite divorcee-to-be (Especially mine- hey lady, I wanna fuck your babydaddy!) as Valley Girl Barbie. Hilameous.


AND FINALLY... Our agreed-upon pick for Best Dressed is Ugly Betty star (and Globe winner) America Ferrera! Isn't she just as cute as a button? And she's rocking this blue-purple color. AND she's gorgeous. AND her speech was the best. Ugh, we just adore her. She makes the word "America" something to be proud of again.

Happy Fashion to one and all!!
KEVIN (and, via phone call, Leigh)

I really hate that Beyonce "to the left, to the left" song.

... and while we're on the topic of things I hate, let's talk about some things that I really don't hate. Everybody has top ten lists at this time of year, and nobody especially cares, but I LOVE them. Like, passionately. So I wanted to throw together a self-serious, totally masturbatory Kevin Manganaro Top Ten Movies of 2006 List. I mean, I REALLY-really love movies, so this seemed like a good way to endorse some shit to the 4-5 people who read this blog. So here goes. Enjoy. Or not. Sorry.

10) Little Children
Todd Fields' dissection of self-destructive suburbia contains not only a provocative look at what it means to be safe in contemporary America but also a knock-it-out-of-the-park performance from Kate Winslet as an adulterous mom. Thoughtful, adventurous stuff.

9) An Inconvenient Truth
The scariest horror movie of the year. Also, since when it Al Gore (a) hot and (b) really touching? Should be mandatory viewing.

8) Come Early Morning
Ashley Judd is perfection as Lucy, a trampy, boozy Southern small-towner with daddy issues in the debut feature from ex-Kevin Smith muse Joey Lauren Adams. It takes a real filmmaking talent to handle Lucy's depressiong and redemption so subtly and with so much compassion. Also, extra points for a subplot about a jukebox.

7) The Queen
Helen Mirren's unprecedented netting of every precursor award was kind of to be expected: She's the Queen, and she rules. Using just a few days in the life of this woman, Peter Morgan's insightful script gives us her whole life crystallized. On a personal note, as someone who finds the whole notion of a monarchy ridiculous and insulting, I was shocked at how convincingly this film makes the case for enduring, unbending, permanent insitutions. Bloody good.

6) Babel
I can't imagine a film that could be a more potent antidote to the ignorant, mean-spirited foreign policy in place in this country right now than this expansive, powerful drama. A stylish international cast does wonders with the material, particularly Rinko Kikuchi as a deaf-mute Japanese teenager on the make for anonymous sex. After two previous dour, self-flaggelating (and lazy) collaborations, director Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu and screenwriter Guillermo Ariaga have struck an awesome balance between the cynical and the heartfelt.

5) Little Miss Sunshine
Priceless. Just... totally priceless.

4) Dreamgirls
I will babble on and on to anyone who will listen about how much I love this movie. It's powerful and superbly performed, but its best asset is undoubtedly the speed and precision with which it tells the well-trod rise-and-fall story. To the untrained eye, director-writer-demigod Bill Condon is just zipping along, offering Cliffs Notes of the plot. But as one marinates in the film, you see that this deceptively simple framework offers sophisticated hints about a whole industry and a whole generation of African American performers who confronted professional compromise.

3) Marie Antoinette
The year's most unjustly derided film is a cooly passionate trip into the head of one of history's most unjustly derided figures. We've all seen plenty of historical biopics that offer some insight into well-known figures and their well-known actions, but this is that rare film that lets you inside another person's head. Their concerns, for two hours, are yours. Their world, for two hours, is yours. With this lovely period head trip, Sofia Coppolla asserts herself as the premiere filmmaker of her generation.

2) The Departed
Martin Scorsese's violent, beautiful, erotic, and thoroughly entertaining cops-and-robbers flick has bragging rights on not only the best performance of Leonardo DiCaprio's career but also on the year's brashest, most tone-perfect screenplay. Mark Wahlberg : The Departed :: Frances McDormand : Fargo. Sharp, idiosyncratic characterizations from a perfectly-assembled cast.

1) A Prairie Home Companion
Even before the passing of Robert Altman (the greatest director in the history of American filmmaking), this movie had made me think about life and death, about what it means to appreciate your life while you're living it. The graceful, supremely generous way that that Altman and this magical cast treat the bittersweet moments of a fictional radio show finale are memorable, inspirationally human, and, like Altman himself, totally original. It's not every movie that holds a rosy mirror up to your life. It takes the work of a master to do that.

OK, that's all. I've been self-indulgent enough. This post is insanely long. I should probably be prosecuted. Have a good MLK day, all.

KEVIN.

So, this is what 250 million dollars buys:

Soccer? In America?? Really?!?

I mean don't get me wrong- If America wants to jump on the global football bandwagon, I'd be all for it. I actually like watching soccer-and if Posh and Bex replace TomKat in USweekly, that'll just be a bonus. But are Americans going to really go see the LA Galaxy- even for David Beckham? (I mean, he is easy on the eyes. and apparently not to shabby with a soccerball. But still...)

'007.

Hi Kids. Kevin and I have indeed rung in another new year.(We might not have been standing next to each other at midnight; but we were certainly together the next morning eating burnt cookies and yelling at Adam Pascal to stop running around on giant rock formations during a viewing of the RENT movie.) I truly had a lovely time spending two entire weeks soaking up all the long island I could handle. (Although I somehow only managed to see one movie in all that time. Disappointing. (Though frankly, co-blogger; not as dissapointing as the fact that I never got the "The Good German and Schnitzel" date I was promised...) I'm really trying to make the blog a part of my daily routine; I swear. Yesterday I wondered through Union Station in a daze; (I think I was looking longingly for TRACKS) then I decided to do something I almost never do. I got a on a bus. Not just any bus, mind you. This was The Circulator. It's new. It's a snazzy red color. And it takes me from The Hill to Georgetown in 20 minutes for one dollar. Amazing. Also amazing is the fact the on January 6th; I was traipsing around Georgetown in flip-flops and a T-shirt. There was even a line for ice cream. Delightful. It should be 71 degrees in January more often. If weather is any indication I'm quite unsure of what this year has to hold for us. I'm feeling optimistic though. For me there's a masters degree and a possible move north in the cards... both very good things.
Cheers to a new year & this blog's 325th post!-L

Two-Thousand-and-KEVIN.

Hey all- HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 2007, man. Isn't that nuts?? Can y'all believe how far into this millennium we are already? It's wild. It kind of blows my mind. Anyway, I hope that everyone had an awesome New Years. Your Favorite Co-Bloggers had a great one, complete with fireworks, dancing, bar spats, and a James Brown tribute band. (Even though we weren't lip-locked at midnight, which was crushing.)

Tradition has it that how your year starts is some kind of harbinger for what the year to come will be like. Well, all I can say is, "Fuckin' uh-oh." I spent the stroke of midnight by myself in a crowd sipping gin from a to-go cup (which, granted, is kind of bad-ass), and then even though the rest of the night was awesome and fun, yesterday day (New Years Day) was kind of "Meh." I'd given myself a cold from dancing in the elements, so I hid out at the Angelika with Roommate and saw The Good German, which kind of really, really rules, and Notes on a Scandal.

(ahem)

KEVIN ON NOTES ON A SCANDAL...
Perhaps Roommate said it best- "It's Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? for the new millennium!" Ugh. I mean... OK. If this movie weren't such a hilarious, campy, downright inexplicable mess of a comedy, it would actually be really, really offensive. [Notes on a Scandal : gay people :: Fatal Attraction : working women.] Also, if you've ever wanted to hear Dame Judi Dench deliver the line "I love lasagna!" with lusty gusto, you're in business.

So, if you're following this nonsensical drivel of a story, we've been to two movies, and I'm still kind of working up on a cold, right? OK, cool. So we're at home now. I'm puttering about, wondering why boys don't call me (mind you, I'm dripping from my nose, I'm covered in acne, and I just spent 3.5 hours at a Cate Blanchett double feature). I mull the idea of going to the gym, which obviously got shot down in favor of watching Herbie: Fully Loaded on the sofa. By "watched," I mean that I saw the opening credits before my cold took control and I fell asleep. I woke up for approximately one minute during the running time of the movie. The following:

KEVIN: Why is Matt Dillon dressed as a priest?
ROMMATE: So he can molest you.
KEVIN: That's cool. I'd like that.
(back to sleep)

Today I come to find out that Matt Dillon was at no time dressed as a priest. Fever dream? Fantasy gone wild? Either way- 2007. Dang. Watch out, everyone. It's going to be a lusty, dancy good time.

KEVIN :-)