"Wow! They don't put on shows like this in Provincetown!"

HEY EVERYBODY!! Happy End o' April. I don't know if it's technically summer or not (Doesn't that have to do with equinoxes and shit??), but it was COLD today. OK? I was COLD, and that blows. But you know what makes me feel warm and cuddly? DC residents being all precious, and trying to have "culture" like "concerts" and "restaurants." Isn't that cute? I mean, I've BEEN to DC. I've not seen A TRACE of real-people culture. I mean, though, Garbage is like A#1 awesome, so if they've deigned to play there, then maybe I need to rethink my disdain for our nation's cappy. WHAT IF I LIVED IN DC? Ha ha. I mean, well, the rent is cheap and the coffee joints are abundant. More on this later.

OK, 3-D movies. Who's seen 'em? Who loves em? I DO!! I survived (barely) House of Wax (the original, not the Paris Hilton version with all those weird boy actors from the WB) in 3-D at the Tribecky Film Festy. It was- in a word- GAYMAZING. It stopped my heart, basically. Highly recommended... CAMP CAMP CAMP.

Speaking of things that rock, here's a short list of things/people that rock:
- The Killers, who I will be seeing on June 4th
- "Ernest Scared Stupid"... It's funnier than you think.
- Drag queens
- Chinese food
- The Apple Store in SoHo
- "Decent Days and Nights" by The Futureheads
- Red Hook, Brooklyn
- The Temptations
- Blueberries

I know it shouldn't be a revelation that my office is like THE Gayest Place on Earth. I mean, it's all theatre queens milling about, occasionally selling tickets, but mostly just singing and being loud/ridiculous. One of the funniest truths about my office is that, ultimately, it's lorded over by A STRAIGHT GUY. I mean... Do we think he gets teased for being president of The Gay Store? I bet not. I mean, he's like, the coolest (he, McGrath and I have a date to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" soon), so bet he can fend for himself. Also, brother can DANCE (at least, I imagine he can). Anyway, since I'm having Gay Pride for my office today, I wanted to share this photo of our fair president, Matt, being kissed on my a notorious gay. I can never tell if the stupid, frickin' photo-sharing thing is going to put the photo ON TOP of my beautiful words or BELOW them. So just look for it (without making "top" and "bottom" jokes, assholes). A straight man being cheek-pecked by a gay man and still being a flippin' rock star. Take that, Bill Frist.

And with that, I'm going to retire now and watch CNN. Maybe they'll give me some new reasons to be nauseated by the Pope or the 'Publicans.

KEVIN :-)

Easy like Sunday Morning

Thurs: Laura and I drag the gayrab out of the library for dinner and drinks at DC's own faux-Pastis (slowly gentrifying neighborhood, wanna-be brasserie cuisine, snarky waitstaff; minus the celeb factor) followed by partying like it was 1996 by seeing Garbage in concert. They were amazing. I still kind of want to be Shirley Manson. Anyway, at the end of the show, she goes to flash the crowd (which I would do too if had I been drinking whiskey onstage all night), and gets dragged offstage by three cops kicking and screaming. and then one of them was like "show's over folks- go home!" and they broke down the stage. turns out it was a stunt for a video- which they neglected to announced to 600 rather confused fans at the 9:30 club, who just stared in wonder as the house lights came up. and i never found my doc martins. sigh.
other notes of interest:
-next time you are at a bar- order a "nuts and berries" drink now, question later
-hey, remember Nutella? god, its good
-i'm trying really hard to like "gray's anatomy" which the Times refers to as "sex and the city..and the hospital" and i like to call ER lite, but it just keeps sucking. and Patrick Dempsey was good in "Can't Buy Me Love". sigh again.
OhMyGod! I almost forgot to mention that on sat. night, I saw two girls having a bitch fight which ended when one of them screamed "NO-YOU DA HO!" threw the other one ass-first through the glass door of a Popeye's. I heart DC.

blog? what blog? I don't know anything about a blog....

OOPS. Kinda forgot I had a blog to attend to. Sorry Kids. Blame it in finals. (6 days until freedom!) Well actually freedom might not be the best word for working like 60 hours a week in a restaurant. Anyway, I'm super excited by the fact that it is nearly 90 degrees outside, though i've been assured by the weather channel that it will be 55 and raining in no time. Eeek I don't even have anything good to say. The pope totally does look like Nancy Marchand. Clearly my vote for dead TV-star for pontiff would have gone to the guy who played rerun on "What's Happening". More substance soon, I promise.

NANCY MARCHAND ELECTED POPE.

Oh my god, how much does that man look like Nancy Marchand? It's CREEPY. And I mean, if we're now resurrecting dead character actresses to fill religious vacancies, I nominate Pat Carroll for rabbi.

But for truthin'... They had to choose between Black Pope, Jewish Pope, and Nazi Pope. Aaaaand in typical fashion- They pick Nazi Pope. I mean, for fuck sake. OY.

Oh well. At least Gilmore Girls is new.

KEVIN :-)

PS- How bad do I want to have a conclave?

The Emancipation of Sara Fitzpatrick

So since Mariah Carey decided to be a total tool while naming her album, I can't seem to stop pronouncing things "the emancipation of so and so." You know? It's catchy. But a lot of retarded things are catchy. Like "Toxic." Fuck, I love that song.

Anyway, Sara Fitzpatrick, literally one of THE great fans (No... THE great fan) of this blog has moved on from Bway.com. She actually IS having her emancipation! It was totally sad to see her pretty face go, but on the upside, she got a yee-haw of a going away party that resulted in my first hangover since... My birthday? Was that my last hangover? I can't remember, because I'm drinking scotch right now. HA.

Like I was saying, this chick is 900% awesome, AND she's like totally fucking hot (see photo). She will be sorely missed, but will clearly be a feature of this half-assed blog as long as possible. After all, SHE'S OUR FAN. That's so golden. I love it.

(So wait... I just put the TV on it's Mariah Carey on Save The Music!!!! EERIE. Wow. Maybe I'm all psychic and shit.)

BYE-
Kevin :-)

SARA FITZROCKSTAR 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...

24!!!!! yeah baby!!!!

hey kids, guess who's 24??? I love birthdays. esp. my own. I had a hell of a time on sat. night. Like I always say, it's not a real party unless the cops show up and someone ends up in the hospitial. Bonus points if that someone is your gay boyfriend, who aside from requiring stiches; also loses his camera. Minus points for random guy in a seven eleven shirt spilling chips and/0r beer everywhere and trying to sweep in under the oriental rug. Bonus points for keg stands! (actually, minus points bc your own keg stand lasts 2.5 seconds and you spit beer on innocent roommate holding tap in your mouth. ooopsie.) All and all, I think it was a success. photos to follow as soon as I develop them/figure out how to use the scanner on my printer. I would excpect them circa June. I am thrilled because for only the second time in twenty-four years; the sun is shining on my birthday. (apparently it was nice here when I turned 21, however I was in Croatia; where it was sleeting) Heres to sunshine and 70 degrees every april 11th! I started in this world as a this grossly underweight premie who was given my last rights (because apparently my mother was suddenly struck with the fear I might end up in baby limbo) So much for that! Time to go frolic in the sunshine and celebrate how fabulous I am. PEACE OUT SUCKAAASSS!

Princess Anne in Battle Garb -OR The Archbishop of Canterbury sounds like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.

Any way you slice it, this weekend for me was all about Charles & Camilla's wedding!

A wedding is a beautiful thing. A royal wedding is an event for the ages. But the union of two profoundly selfish people, who have ruined countless lives with their completely repugnant relationship, getting hitched in a "pomp-free" ceremony of 800 people (including Kenneth Branagh), with the whole train wreck being broadcast exclusively on WE- Women's Entertainment.... Something otherwordly is taking place.

And as Charles and Camilla walked down the aisle of St. George's Chapel (which their presense had turned into an impromptu Adulterer's Row), I gathered the following observations:

-Camilla wore a crown of jutting twigs. Amazing. In the words of Mike, "Lord help her if there's any open flame at that reception."

- Laura Parker Bowles' hair was a majestic vision of prom hair being stuck in a shrub.

- I know it's been said over and over, but the Princes are SO HOT. It's UNREAL.

- British people LOVE hats.

- I think the Queen stole Kenny Rogers' hat from The Gambler. Also, a white suit, black gloves, and black shoes? She's the Queen of NOTHING. Also, now that the Pope is dead, I think the Queen is the evilest person alive.

OK, back to work.
KEVIN :-)

Rant Buy Me Love

Surely, I'm not alone in finding it TRULY suspicious that Lisa Marie Presley is trying (UGH, TRYING)-- Again-- to become the next Pat Benatar while the Michael Jackson trial is slipping into madness mode. (a) It's not exactly original or challenging to milk MJ's fame for ones own purposes. It's DONE. Anyone can do it. I expect a little better from the daughter of the coolest man who ever lived. (b) Why isn't she testifying? If she has all this free time to suck her way across VH1, then she has time to drop some bombs about what happens in the Neverland Showers. I'm also totally pissed at her because I defended her first album like it was my job. But now, all I'm left with is a bitter, acidic feeling in my stomach (which may owe itself largely to bitter, BUT BITTER, coffee.... Nevetheless).

SONG OF THE DAY: "They Call Her The Cat," from Elton John's Peachtree Road album

WORD OF THE DAY: Babaloo.

PERSON OF THE DAY: Me.

Kevin :-)