what it feels like for the girl next door

Maybe it's the fact that this is New York Film Festival week here in autumnal Manhattan.
Maybe it has to do with me having written so much lately for trusty Bway.com.
Maybe it's the fact that Best Friend Mike has been to the Northeast so much this month.
Maybe it's collitis.
But lately, my mind has been CHURNING. I just keep rehashing ideas and concepts. Like, "What does such-and-such really mean?" or "What is this trying to say to me?" or "What's the real life impact of Reese Witherspoon having made a Terri Schiavo propaganda flick, disguised as a romantic comedy... Apart from me being pissed at Reese Witherspoon?"
(I wish I could have had these critical thinking skills when I was actually in COLLEGE, mind you.)

Today's topic of thought: What's up with the American ideal of "The Girl Next Door"? Like, first of all, what does that even mean? I think it's inherently someone 'wholesome' and non-threatening, right? Because the term- which is starting to seem like a vaguely loaded one- is getting used quite often lately, sometimes to describe someone who's the supposedly maligned victim (Jennifer Aniston), sometimes for a vacant husk that's meant to represent a wifely ideal (Laura Bush). So is the girl next door empowered, or is she passive?

I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much. This is so lame. I guess I'm just trying to say that everyone is NOT on the same page as far as feminine ideals are concerned, and as someone who will 99.9% have a daughter someday, it's freaking me out.

What are my "girls next door" like? Well, on Long Island, I've got a old woman (60-ish) named Josephin on one side of me who was once investigated by the FBI, and an Iranian housewife on the other side. In Manhatty, I've got a Tara Redi-esque party girl to the left of me, and boys (ick) to the right. Oh, and I lived in Farmingdale until I was 4, where we lived next to a pot dealer named Linda. So are my living situations out of joint, or is the ideal completely illusory?

[Sidebar: Did I just say "illusory"? Sorry. I've been reading a lot lately.]

OK, I need to take a break from thinking for a while. Tonight, I'm going to see "The Squid & The Whale," starring Laura Linney, who would totally live next door to me if I could pick my neighbors.

KEVIN :-)

A Very interesting Dichotomy

This weekend, DC will be hosting two very different events within spitting distance of one another.
At one end of The Mall (near the Capitol) Laura Bush and The Library of Congress will be hosting the National Book festival
Happy readers everywhere will mingle with authors and get all sorts of free stuff. I am very excited.
At the other end of The Mall (near the Washington Monument) Operation Cease Fire will be going on. This a concert to protest the war in Iraq, and will include bands like Le Tigre and Thievery Corporation. I am very excited.
Dear readers, can you take a moment please and picture the two groups of people who are sure to clash with each other on a Saturday afternoon?
All I can say, is I'm bringing my camera.
Also, I think you need to understand that everyday John Roberts is sitting the Senate offices (not) answering questions exactly 485 feet from my front door (according to google, its a 14 second drive.) SIGH.
-L

And people wonder why I'm so discouraged with the world lately...

http://www.gaycitynews.com/gcn_437/gayaidsdiscriminationin.html

I look out upon the sea, but the coast is always changing.

I'm still in the process of trying to ween myself off of the addictive teat of current events. And I'll get there soon, I promise-- The "Martha"fication of my mind is taking place, I can promise you that... Mmmm, cumin.... But in the meantime, old habits die hard:

*Uncle Kracker made his speech from New Orleans last night. Thank GOD I missed it (I was at The Stones, trying to detox on 90-year old rock gods and gyrating Jersey trash), but I caught enough of it to know that for this douchebag to stand in the middle of the still-deserted city that he fully allowed to fall to ruins and make promiseless, vacuous statements should incite mass riots and the recall he so richly deserves. If it happened to Gray Davis...

*John Roberts is the Dakota Fanning-esque face of evil. He doesn't blink. He doesn't answer questions. We know that he must do SOMETHING. I'm petrified to find out what it is, because obviously, we'll all find out too late.

Once again, please forgive me and/or try your best to tolerate me as the changing tides of global events batter me into the grumpiest mood possible. If it wasn't for Renee Zellweger's divorce, I wouldn't have anything to cheer me up at all.

KEVIN.

Poncho Day, take me home...

Doesn't it feel like the world is in chaos? From the the Roberts confirmation hearings (which actually LOOK LIKE an iceberg headed for America... I mean, you can SEE it coming... Truly creepy), which typify the evil in the world, to Massachusetts RE-affirming gay marriage, which equals the goodness in the world, to all the hurricane madness in the South, which points a big finger at the ***assholes*** in charge, etc. etc. etc. ... I mean, it just feels like SO MUCH major stuff is going on that it honestly could be The End of Days. It's a really creepy feeling, I think, to realize that big decisions are being made all around us, one after the other, that are going to impact us for YEARS. Can't things just be a little unimportant for a while?!

Usually, when I'm feeling this melodramatic, I drink.

But not this time. This time, I'm taking solace in a stiffer tonic-- "Martha" on NBC. If one things is allowed to be constant in the epic times we seem to be living in, it's that Martha Stewart is fucking unbelieveable. Now, she's been on for two days, and they've been GOLDEN. From her premiere with Marcia Cross trying in vain to fold a t-shirt to laminating daisies to put on Elmo's lunchbox, this show is like a warm, cuddly blanket of mediocrity, buffering me from a world in turmoil. And yesterday was also Poncho Day. Why? Because ponchos are a good thing. AND THEY ARE.

I don't want to hear about "Brownie" get ousted at FEMA; I want to hear about Martha being in prison and being cut off from the nutmeg she needed for her baked apples.

I don't want to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger devaluing my civil rights; I want to see someone make scrambled eggs, and then serve them back to me IN THE SHELLS.

And so, dear readership... If you need me, I'll be in front of my DVR, with a mug of decaf green tea, watching Martha make blintzes with Susan Lucci, and trying desperately to drown out the noises of the coming apocalypse.

Sincerely,
KEVIN :-)

WHEW!

OK, I feel better now. I'd like to give a big round of applause to Sen. Diane Feinstein for attempting to RIP HIM A NEW ONE. alright, way to step up to the plate.

CNN is giving me high blood pressure

Oh my GOD these Roberts hearings are making me SO nervous.
This man outright refuses to have an opinion on anything, even on what basis he would rule. They're talking about Casey vs. Planned Parenthood and he's bringing up Marbury vs Madison. I can't take it. If I had a dollar for every time he has uttered the pharse "Stare Decisis" in the past hour, I'd be a rich girl. blah blah blah.. "I believe in precedent." He's literally reciting a con law text. Is that what he's supposed to be doing??? Its so frustrating. And nerveracking. I can't take it....

In Absentia

I'm really having a problem keeping up with this blog. I'm sorry. School is a pain this semester, as I have to write my thesis. SIGH.
So I dyed my hair last night. It was supposed to be "meduim golden brown". Having dyed my own hair somewhee in the neighborhood of fifty times, I was fairly certain I knew what I was doing. However, my hair looks neither medium, nor golden brown. It looks Auburn. For years I wanted red hair. Now, all I want is for it to go back to brown and it refuses to comply. Is it so much to ask that I be able to view my natural hair color? ARGH.
In other much better news...the season premiere of Gilmore Girls is tonight. Kevin and Leigh's Sexy-Ass blog is tre excited. I also get my fieldwork assignment today. Please think of me and hope that I am not, as in previous semesters, about to be sent into my own personal version of "Dangerous Minds" (c'mon I know you still remember the words to Gangsta's Paradise...)

When the shirts come marching in.

**HEY EVERYBODY**

So you know how Kate and I are really fun, hilarious people? And you know how Kate is addicted to side projects, and that love rubs off onto me? Well, I have a MAJOR announcement. Kate and I have started a website selling t-shirts, tote bags, and basically anything else that we can slap a pop culture-related logo on. We're called GARMENT LAB (because we conduct mad experiments with pop culture... mixing acids and bases and such), and you should check out our site at www.cafepress.com/garmentlab.

You'll notice a Strong Women series, a Strong Booze series, and what Kate so lovingly calls "The First Women of Assholes" series. Basically, we love liberal politics, ballsy dames, and a stiff drink. Christmas is coming, and so are numerous birthdays. For example, Gwyneth Paltrow's is September 27th. What are you going to get her? How about a hoodie that calls Lynne Cheney a hobgoblin? That would be the caring gift.Anyway, it would much appreciated if any and all blog fans would spread the word. Cmon, guys! We can take down the man, empower women, get fucked up, *AND* make Kate & Kevin all-powerful liberal media moguls, too.

Thanks so much!! By the way, none of you get free shirts.

KEVIN, KATE & GARMENT LAB

PS- Speaking of liberal politics, Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog officially endorses C. Virginia Fields in the New York City Democratic Mayoral Primary.

PPS- Kevin & Leigh's Sexy-Ass Blog also officially endorses former First-Rooster Barbara Bush for Greatest Ass-Bitch of All Time.