SHINE A LIGHT, SHINE A LIGHT

Sometimes we all need a little dose of the funnest song ever.



(When the chorus hits, look at the woman over Elton's shoulder in the silvery dress. I have NEVER seen a better dancer.)

Happy Weekend!
KEVIN.

Basic Cable Recommendation: TWO-A-DAYS

After an evening of cardio and Junior's, Roommate and I were pretty tuckered out, so we flopped down on the sofa to see what was on TV. I saw teenage boys in tight pants on MTV, so naturally the remote was snatched. Now, I guess I'd seen Two-A-Days, MTV's reality series about an Alabama high school football team, at the gym once or twice before, but this was my first time ever really WATCHING-watching it. Well. Yum.

I don't know why MTV doesn't just stick to what they do best: making self-indulgent documentary series for a certain affluent, narcissistic portion of the population. They need to have fewer goddamn Fergie-Ferg videos and more of this shit, because it is ILLUMINATING.

First of all, I am always hot in the biscuit for shows about spoiled, ridiculous suburban kids, because- Hello. My life. Also, Leigh and I come from a town that had a killer (and relatively well-known) athletics program, so the whole 'jocks gone wild' element of it speaks to me as well. BUT THEN when you add the whole novelty of their ludicrous accents and lame-ass Southern ways... It's just a can't-miss. Love it.

Some highlights from the twenty-or-so minutes we watched:

1. Three girls went to a tarot card reader, and two out of the three ended up crying. Obviously, all of them asked about their marriage prospects. They're all, like, seventeen.
2. One jock gave his girlfriend, totally unprovoked, a crimson peacoat and then was miffed when she wasn't as appreciative as he would have liked.
3. An on-the-field brawl with an opposing team.
4. The same jock who gave his girlfriend the coat calls her "stupid" in front of her mother, while the mother sits there, wide-eyed, petting a dog.
5. An ominous tone is set for the next episode, when Hoover will square off against their longtime rival.

I mean, I'm kind of addicted. It's like the high school experiences of people from our hometown, but with enough difference and distance to make it just totally anthropologically exciting.

VERDICT: Hotness.

Happy Friday! KEVIN :-)

Who needs sleep?

So. Last night here on Maryland Ave, circa 2am; a car alarm went off. It did not stop honking and screeching until somewhere around 5am, when I can only assume the car's battery died. This led to me turning on a fan, putting a pillow over my head, playing tetris for an hour, and eventually, somehow; passing out. During the two hours that I actually was able to drift off into dreamland; this is what my brain comes up with:
Joe and Mike and I are in some sort of tunnel. We are running away from something; unclear what. Mike and I want to give up; and Joe is trying to convince us that help and/or a stiff drink is just around the corner. We are all very scared in the tunnel; which has now turned into some sort of Labyrinth. Hope is lost. and then, someone shows us the way out. Who, you might ask? Who rescued the three of you from the maze? Was it Kevin? Was it Barack Obama?
No. No, it wasn't either of them. It was....
FIGMENT.

Pact with the Devil

Morning, everyone- So I wake today to the news that Dunkin' Donuts, purveyor of the greatest coffee in America, has inked some sort of promotional deal/suicide with Rachael Ray, the most loathsome television "personality" of modern times.

Why is this happening to me?? Why is Dunkin' Donuts, which FOR YEARS drew in customers using a charmingly withered old man, now relying on some grating, talentless, over-polished, grinning chupacabra? (The Raybashing continues HERE.) We loved you when you had no mascot, DD! Don't alienate your fan base now! RAGE!

If Dunkin' Donuts disappoints me... I... I don't know what I'll do....

Hold me,
KEVIN.

PS- I love Dunkin' Donuts so much that one of my baby names is Duncan. Creepy or charming?

NEWSFLASH: Kevin is attracted to a "woman"!

Oh god. Have y'all seen Laila Ali on Dancing with the Stars? She is AMAZING. She is Sex. I am obsessed. It's absolutely wild how good this lady is at dancing. I mean, on paper boxers should uniformly have spot-on footwork, so I don't know why I'm surprised, but check this out:




Anyway, back to Laila Ali. It's crazy and all, but I'm pretty sure that she gives me crotchtingles. In the spirit of full discloser, Uma Thurman is the first (and up until now only) woman ever to inspire sexual stirrings in me, but.... mmmmmmm, Laila Ali.

Is it just because she's kinda mannish? Or am I just jealous of how she can cut a rug? What do y'all think?

Questioning,
KEVIN.

Knut der kleine Eisbär

Literally, is there anything cuter than this Polar Bear? I mean I thought Butterstick was cute and all, but I think the Eisbär totally wins. In case you haven't heard, Knut was born at the Berlin Zoo in December, and his mother rejected him. Then some crazy animal rights nutcases said the bear would become too human if he was raised by caretakers and should therefore be put to sleep. Media Frenzy ensues. My two favorite headlines include: "Kill this bear? Are you KNUTS?!?" (AP) and "Kill Baby Polar Bear, Animal Activists Say" (ABC) Anyway, this story amuses me for two reasons. First, did anyone really think they would actually put the bear to sleep? It's Germany! Like they need to add insult to injury by offing baby polar bears. Second, it takes place at my beloved Zoo Berlin. During my semester abroad, whenever I needed a break from my studies of genocide, xenophobia and all things evil; I would hop on the U9 Ubahn line and head to the Zoo. It was comforting. I'd look at all the animals and feel a sense of warmth and happiness. Who could be in a bad mood while looking at Elephants? It is one of my favorite places. I'm glad Knut gets to call it home. I hope he's happy there. I know I was.

Bon Jou' from The Big Easy!

I'm back in the district after a lovely weekend in Nawlins' filled with Frozen Hurricaines, Steamboat rides on the Mississippi, visits from dear friends, and the fact that my travel companion chuckled everytime we saw "I got Burbon-faced on Shit Street" T-shirts.
New Orleans was super fun, but is also kind of sad because there are so many closed restaurants and stores, places boarded up etc. On the plus side, the weather was delightfully warm, there are no open container laws and Jazz is still everywhere.
(Please note photo of me getting my first trumpet lesson in the French Quarter) Besides, I'm clearly going to enjoy myself in a city where the breakfast food of choice is fried sugared dough. MMM.
Beignets.
PS- Brangelina was in LA helping Pax Romana get settled in America. SORRY.

"Once, there was a boy called Edward..."

Touching. Gorgeous. Tender. Beautiful. Iconic. BEST.

LOVE TODAY

HEY ALL! So my talented, gorgeous, and remarkable co-blogger Leigh is off in New Orleans presently. She's there with her mother, who is a goddess in my book, for a little vacay. While she's there, I've given Leigh only one crucial mission: FIND BRANGELINA. More on this later.

Speaking of wonderful things that make my heart dance, I'm about a week into my mind-bending obsession with Mika. I'll presume that y'all already know him, as I'm usually about 10-15 years behind the rest of the developed world when it comes to new musical talent. But OMFG, I love him so much. Freddie Mercury + Jake Shears + Polyphonic Spree= Mika. He's playing in Manhattan next week, but it's obvs sold out. Also, I don't have any concert money, anyway. Kevin= Lame.

Speaking of lame, guess who's not lame?? Guess! It's Ladystein! Ladystein's not lame, like, AT ALL. (2/4 members are pictured HERE, looking prettier than such good musicians have any right to be.) They played a Rosacea Awareness show last night at Mo Pitkin's that blew my flippin' mind. Leigh and I are long-time fans of these amazing ladies, but last night was truly wonderwall. OH ALSO- Announcement! I am IN LOVE. I have met the man that I shall marry. His name is Matthew Crosby, and he's... Epic. He did a stand-up routine pre-'Stein, and... Oh. My. God. (a) He's funnier than, like, 95% of people, (b) HE'S BRITISH, and (c) His hair is truly a stunning work of art and glory- Check it out! This is his publicity shot! No shirt! I'm in love! But, like, he's heterosexual, so... Fuck it. I'm still totally enamored. I was just looking on his blog, and IT'S SO BRITISH. I barely understand it. Like, can anyone explain the following?

If I had to pick a favourite from Uncle Humour's arsenal, I'd go for one I heard from Vic Reeves. I'm sure you know it. It's a peach."My pig likes mint imperials. When she's good I like to give her one. Then I give her a mint imperial."

I mean... I have no idea what that could possibly mean.

OK. New Topic- Roommate and I took a cab from the East Village back to our beloved Ft. Greene last night, and... I mean, maybe this is too much to get into now. Fuck, this post is so long. God. When Leigh's away, the sissies ramble inanely. OK, well I'll do it real quick. Basically, we had a hipster/emo cab driver named Shawn Snowberger- late 20s, side-swept Williamsburg hair, really super skinny. Anyway, the cab had a VIDEO SCREEN. Like, we could watch the news. It was.... insane. And Shawn Snowberger made jokes and spy cams in the cab, and he told us about how he once drove a girl to Woodhaven and she took her top off and tried to pay him in sex. (He declined.)
KEVIN: Vaginas aren't made out of money, Shawn. Good call.
KATE: Well, maybe yours isn't.
I mean, it was just an exceedingly odd cab ride. So word to the wise- Don't be shocked when all cabs get these screens. (I'm kind of not a fan, but they're clearly unstoppable.)

OK, this post needs to be stopped. Right now. Thanks for reading!! xoxo

Kevin.