2005 Round-Up Begins NOW.

Hey everybody! Kevin here. Oh my gosh, I can't even tell you how mortified I am that it's been so long since I wrote anything here. Please forgive me. I mean, it's been AGES. We have so much to cover here, and it's a lot to take on, but I'm going to start with HOLIDAY HO-HO-HODOWN 2005, which took place last Saturday (but whose effects were felt well into this past Tuesday).

Most Valuable Party Guest shout-outs go to Katie McGrath, who prepared no less than THREE delicious dishes that everyone enjoyed. AND she looked hot as hell! AND she gave me a photo calendar! Hello, whenever they're electing a new pope, I'm nominating Katie McGrath. She's better than Current Pope, because she's not a wrinkled old homophobe AND she doesn't wear neon red clogs... as much.

Other Notables: Jake Brown for bringing 'TheLangley Schools Music Project,' Sara Fitzchristmas for bringing the hotness, Margaret Murphy for bringing the determination to climb 6 flights of stairs after Neil Diamond busted her kneecap, Heidi Hansen-Young for bringing the gift of a conversation topic, Cara David for bringing Uma on 'Oprah,' Kenneth Naanep for bringing an A+ line reading of 'Hey, gays! Where you get them shoes?', Ryen and Sean for bringing the ingenuity to invent 'Jack & wine,' Matt Kupchin for bringing clout, Kate Jacobs for bringing the male part of 'Baby, It's Cold Outside,' Mike Ettannani for bringing emotional instability, Bret Friedman for bringing an appreciation of homemade curtains, and most of all, Matt Gurry for bringing the wherewithall to hang out with a bunch of lushes on his 24th birthday. Holla to everyone! It was literally the funnest. And next year, I promise to stay, if not sober, at least lucid. I apologize to any- and everyone I spoke to with my eyes closed while drooling slightly.

Now that we've taken care of that rigamarole, it's time to announce that this blog is going to launching a year end wrap-up to beat the band. We'll be looking at 2005 in pop culture, 2005 in politics and 2005 in the eternal battle of good (John O'Hurley) v. evil (Kelly Monaco). More on this once 2006 officially kicks into high gear. I know you all are wicked excited, so feel free to email Leigh or myself with ideas and/or suggestions. Likely, they'll be 100% ignored, but I'm pretending that this blog's a give-and-take. Which is totally ain't.

Democratically, KEVIN :-)

"I mean, to me it looks like a barefoot, Appalachian, lil'Abner mess"

Words like those are why I cherish every moment that Michael Kors appears on Project Runway.
I hope you are all watching the new season. I haven't figured out who I'm rooting for yet- but I think it might be Chloe.
I have to go get gingerbread making supplies and a gallon of peppermint schnapps for my holiday fete tomorrow, but I thought today needed a post.
After all, Today is GAY COWBOY DAY
-Lethal.

Oh Christmas Tree

Please note that this year's tree topper is a Bagel.

just incase anyone was wondering...

Kevin's "Trannie Don't Preach" post was our renaming of Rent's love ballad "I'll cover you" now known in it's full title as "Trannie Don't Preach: I'm keeping my gay" sung in part by Jesse L. Martin, who is the highlight of a very low film. On stage, you see an industrialized set which is a good rendering on alphabet city. On screen, you watch Adam Pascal run around on a bunch of rock formations doing his best imitation of Britney's "I'm not a girl..." video. SIGH. If the preview was any indication it appears they've simply filmed the set of The Producers. Can we please stop trying to put broadway on film? Get up and go the the theatre people. It's really much better, I promise.
Besides, someone has to ensure Manganaro has a job.
Also: my apt has heat again, thank god.
This entry is the blog's two hundred and seventy-fifth post.
Wow. we have A LOT of time on our hands...

Oh my god- I've never had so much fun in my life\

It was announced today that Blondie is being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. As a RABID Blondie fan, I almost shit my britches. When the haze of self-satisfaction settled away, I was left with the question of which half-assed twatrag would perform a Blondie ditty at the ever-disappointing induction ceremony. Kate & I settled on the milquetoast Kelly Clarkson, but it got me/us dreaming about what might be...

Kevin & Co.'s Dream Blondie Tribute Concert:

(in order of performance)

ACT ONE

"Atomic"- Scissor Sisters

"Heart of Glass"- Franz Ferdinand*
"X Offender"- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Denis"- Missy Elliot
"Go Away"- Ladystein
"Hangin' on the Telephone"- OK Go

"Out In the Streets"- Emmylou Harris

"I'm Gonna Love You Too"- Sinead O'Connor & Marilyn Manson*
"Fade Away and Radiate"- Fiona Apple

"Rapture"- The Eurythmics
"Rip Her To Shreds"- Elton John feat. Mary J. Blige

(interval)

ACT TWO

"Maria"- k.d. lang
"Call Me"- Bai Ling
"Union City Blue"- The White Stripes

"Kung Fu Girls"- Garbage

"Sunday Girl"- David Bowie*
"I'm on E"- Cyndi Lauper

"The Tide is High"- Shonen Knife#
"Man Overboard"- TraLaLa
"Susie & Jeffrey"- Bettye LaVette

"11:59"- Maximo Park
"The Real World"- Courtney Love
FINALE: "One Way or Another"- Dolly Parton & Co.

Titles with a (*) were suggested by Joe Iconis, whose good judgment is always on display at www.purevolume.com/joeike. Titles with a (#) were suggested by Kate Wilkinson, whose passable taste and excellent cans are on display at www.ladystein.com.

Sigh. J'happy.

KEVIN :-)

Trannie Don't Preach

I'd say that 2005 was an extraordinarily successful Thanksgiving on Long Island. It started with serving food to the homeless at the Bowery Mission next to Candice Bergen. Then it continued with seeing that Mike's face- while still unbearably hideous- isn't as scarred as I'd feared. It rambled on through two days of passionate shopping, Sands Point driving and diner food. And now I'm back in Manhatty, and I'm immensely greatful to have so much of my shopping done. (No, really. I have cute stuff for people this year- Tee hee!)

And yes, Leigh, we should talk about the Lachey-Simpson divorce, because (a) Fuck them, and (b) It's hilarious. I can't wait til Ashlee gets divorced.

Also, Leigh, Joe and I saw the "Rent" movie on Saturday night, in the midst of a throbbing, horah-ing throng of B&T Jewish 12-year old girls. They were 1,000 times worse than any 'Black Friday' mob scene, and 1,000 more enjoyable than that bullshit, awful movie.

Ho Ho Ho
KEVIN :-)

The Average American Consumes 7,100 Calories on Thanksgiving...

and I'm no exception.
mmm. Tryptophan coma....
Happy Turkey Day, blog fans!
I have the following things to say...

1. I'm never eating again, but god, I LOVE sweet potatos
2. The Springer Spaniel was robbed, and totally should have won the dog show. Also, due to the dog show; "god loves a terrier" has been in my head all day.
3. My mother and I know all 18 1/2 minutes of Arlo Gutherie's "Alice's Restaurant" by heart. Is that werid?
4. I didn't go to Leo's on Weds night- someone please tell me who in GC is married/preggers/in rehab
5. I feel like I need to say something about the end of the Simpson/Lachey Marriage. I occasionally "read" USweekly, so, in way, I'm to blame. Now all we have is TomKat. Sigh. Did anyone else read that he actually purchused a sonograph machine, so he can watch his baby grow??? eeekkk.
   
6. Kevin, you may have done some good online shopping, but no way you're topping my xmas gift this year. Joe Iconis isn't the only one who can buy you women's T shirts....
   

I'm not lame.

I don't do lame things like Tivo-ing the American Music Awards. But... If I wish that kind of person, I would say that Annie Lennox had just been elected Queen Cool Goddess of the Universe.

december bells

Leigh Slummerville and I let the one-year anniversary of this blog pass us by. We apologize, and promise to do a rousing feature for you celebrating all the highs and lows of this past 365 days, along with some testimonials from our blog's #1 fans. In the meantime, we hope that all of you out there are enjoying the upcoming holiday season. I've already done some Grade-A Christmas shopping!! Holla!! (All online, of course.)

ISSUES:
(1) I'm obsessed with Reese Witherspoon.
(2) I'm obsessed with not seeing Journey tonight.
(3) I'm obsessed with the new Madonna cd. (More on this to come later.)
(4) I'm obsessed with the fact that Mike, a good friend of this blog, had surgery ON HIS FACE yesterday. Oh, good lord. I nearly fainted, but it's all OK now, though he did pop a stitch post-surgery while singing "The Christmas Blues." What a fucking tool.
(5) I'm obsessed with gay cowboys.

More later. Thanks for your patience, all! You'll be rewarded for it. J'promise.

KEVIN :-)