Our Love Is Laminated

CHRISTMAS MIRACLES DO HAPPEN, DEAR READERS!

Last night, at the Broadway.com/Theatre Direct Holiday Party (we're supposed to keep from singling out one particular religious denomination, but HELLO check the decorations-- Jews don't do wreaths), Katie McGrath and I got our love/friendship/mutual obsession sealed in the form of a Bway.com employee award (an "Eddie") for Best Duo. OK, so in all fairness there may have been a tie, BUT WE WON IN SPIRIT. Also, we each won the respective Mr. & Ms. Congeniality prizes, but it's all bout Best Duo. Because we kiss FAR more than any of the other finalists, so fuck all a y'all!!! Also, what a nice Christmas party it was. Also, what terrible music they were playing. Also, how singularly NOT drunk was I. BUT YEAH... through it all, I walked away with my first award-winning friendship. But not my last. In no way my last (I'm looking at you, Kate Jacobs).

So who out there heard about this whole Natalie Portman offending black people thing?? It's SUCH bullshit. Let's look at the facts. In Allure magazine, she said, "I was reading W.E.B. DuBois's stuff in school, and I was like 'Oh my God! I'm not black, but I know what it feels like!'" I think that's a sweet, empathetic thing for a pampered Long Island JAP bitch to say. I've certainly identified with the African-American persona in my day. Anyway, there was an uproar, and because Natalie Portman has to be ooie-gooie sweet for the next few months if she wants to win an Oscar (which would be one of the least deserved Oscars since Renee Zellweger), she issued the following apology: "My lack of eloquence, combined with my words being taken out of context, led to the printing of a statement of mine that I found personally offensive. If I had spoken more articulately, I might have conveyed what I truly feel: I could never know what is like to be a black American. I could only imagine what it’s like to be anything other than what my own experience has been. The 'it' I was referring to when I said, 'I know what it feels like,' was not intended to signify that I know 'how black people feel,' but rather that I know what DuBois’s concept of double-consciousness feels like, in variation. Had my quote included what I actually said preceding that statement, perhaps my meaning would have been clearer." YES, Natalie Portman. That's EXACTLY what you should have said, you dumb BITCH. Please use the phrase "DuBois's concept of double-consciousness feels like, in variation" to make your point clearer to the readership of fucking JET MAGAZINE, you TOOL. This has not made me very happy this morning.

Tea Leoni is on Regis & Kelly... Did she just say that her kids have never been cold? Maybe she meant they've never gotten sick. But... Did she mean that they've never felt the sensation of cold??

An IM exchange I had with Joe this morning:
Spunky4evr: also- is it freezing out?
Disney109: It could not be MORE freezing. It's horrible.
Disney109: It will hurt your skin.
Spunky4evr: YEAH!

Later.